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"Ax murderer??!"
"That's right. You don't have to worry about it, though."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's been going on for a month now, and since you're just checking in, and you've never been here before, there's not much chance they'll try to blame you for it." Actually, that hadn't been my worry. I had been more concerned with my odds on being the next victim. Before I could clarify this to Edvik, however, the doorman had jerked open the door of the cab and snatched up my bag.
"You'd better follow your bag and keep an eye on it," the driver advised. "I'll be by in the morning to pick you up. Oh, and be sure to tip the baggage handler. Otherwise it may not be recognizable by the time you get it back." The lizards were already starting to move as he imparted this last piece of wisdom, so I dove for the door before the vehicle gathered too much momentum and I ended up permanently separated from my luggage. Needless or not, I had gone through far too much to get it to lose it now. Before I had pause to think that I was losing touch with my guide and advisor for this dimension, the cab had turned a corner and disappeared.
"I think this guy wants a tip," Kalvin said, gesturing toward the doorman. At least I still had the Djin with me. I had to acknowledge his point. The uniformed Pervect was standing stuffily, with his palm up and a vague sneer on his face that would probably pass for a smile locally. I only hesitated a second before slipping him some loose change. Normally, I would expect someone to wait until after he had performed a service before hinting for a tip, but obviously things differed from dimension to dimension. This was probably what Edvik had been warning me about... that the doorman would want money before moving my bag, and that if the juice wasn't big enough, it was "Goodbye luggage!" In a way, it made sense. My speculation on this philosophy was cut short when I noticed another person, a bellhop this time, picking up my bag and heading inside with it, leaving the doorman outside weighing the tip I had just given him in his hand. I began to smell a rat.
"Where is he going?" I said to the smug doorman, as casually as I could manage.
"To the front desk, sir."
"But he has my bag."
"Yes. I suggest you follow him closely. He's not to be trusted, you know."
"But... Ohhh...!"
I knew when I had been outmaneuvered. Apparently, all the doorman did was open cab doors and off-load the bag gage... not carry the bags inside. Of course, the fact that I had tipped him assuming he would perform that service was my fault, not his. Defeated, I trailed after the bellhop, who was waiting inside with his hand out in the now all-too familiar gesture that means "Pay or you'll never see the end of me." This time, however, I was more than happy to pay him off. Whatever Edvik had said, I had decided I would be better off handling my own luggage from here on out.
Kalvin muttered something in my ear about not paying the help until they had finished their work, but the bellhop seemed to understand what it was all about, since he disappeared as soon as I paid him. Ignoring Kalvin's grumbles, I turned my attention to the hotel interior. The reception area wasn't much larger than the space we used for similar purposes back at M.Y.T.H. Inc., except the furnishings were dominated by a huge counter which I assumed was what the doorman had referred to as the front desk. Of course, to my mind this made the lobby rather small since, as a hotel, this place was supposed to get more public traffic than our consulting offices did. Personally, I felt it boded ill for the size of the rooms. Then again, I had told Edvik to take us somewhere inexpensive. I supposed I couldn't expect low rates and stylish accommodations, and given a choice...
"May I help you?"
This last came from the Pervect behind the front desk. It might read polite, but the tone of his voice was that of one addressing someone who just walked through the front door with a box of garbage.
"Yes," I said, deciding to give pleasant one last try. "I'd like a room, please. A single."
The desk clerk looked as if I had just spat on the floor.
"Do you have reservations?"
The question surprised me a little, but I decided to stick with honesty.
"Well, I'm not wild about the neighborhood... and then there's the rumor about the ax murderer..."
"Skeeve... SKEEVE!!" Kalvin hissed desperately. "He means, ‘Do you have a reservation for a room?" So much for honesty. I shot a look at the desk clerk, who was staring at me as if I had asked him to sell his first-born into slavery.
"... But, um, if you're asking if I reserved a room in advance, the answer is no," I finished lamely.
The clerk stared at me for a few more moments, then ran a practiced finger down a list on the desk in front of him. "I'm afraid that all we have available at this time is one of our Economy Rooms. You really should reserve in advance for the best selection."
"An Economy Room will be fine," I assured him. "I'll need it for about a week."
"Very well," the clerk nodded, pushing a form at me across the desk, "If you'll just fill this out, the rate will be a hundred in gold."
I was glad I had been warned about prices on Perv. A hundred in gold seemed a bit steep to me, but having been forewarned I managed to hide my surprise as I reached for the form.
"... A day. Payable in advance, of course."
My hand stopped just short of the form.
"A hundred in gold a day?" I said as carefully as I could.
"Skeeve!" Kalvin yipped in my ear. "Remember, you were warned things were expensive here! This is a low priced hotel, remember?"
"Payable in advance," the clerk confirmed.
I withdrew my hands from the desk.
"How much time do you want to spend looking for a room, Skeeve?" the Djin continued desperately. "The cab won't be back until morning and it's getting dark out. Do you really want to walk these streets at night?"
I took a hundred in gold from my money belt and dropped it on the desk, then started filling out the form. "I assumed that each day is payable in advance, considering the interest rates," I said calmly. "Oh, yes, I'd like a receipt for that, as well."
The desk clerk whisked the form from under my pen and glanced at it almost before I had finished signing it. "Quite right, Mr... Skeeve. I'll have a receipt for you in a moment."
It was nice to know some Pervects were efficient, once you had met their price. The hundred in gold had already disappeared.
The desk clerk slipped the receipt across the desk, a key held daintily in his other hand. I claimed the receipt and was starting to go for the key when he casually moved it back out of my reach, slapping his palm down on a small bell that was on the desk.
"Front!"
Before I could ask what this little declaration was supposed to mean, a bellhop had materialized at my side... a different one than before.
"Room 242," the desk clerk declared, handing the bell hop my key.
"Yessir. Is this your luggage?"
"Well, yes. It's..."
Without waiting for me to finish, the bellhop snatched up my bag and started for the stairs, beckoning me to follow. I trailed along in his wake. At this point, I had had it with Pervects and hotels and tips. If this clown thought I was...
"Going to tip him?" Kalvin asked, floating around to hang in the air in front of me. Fortunately, he was translucent enough for me to see through him.
I gave him my toothiest smile.
"If that means ‘No' like I think it does, you'd better reconsider."
Whether I needed to hear this or not, I definitely didn't want to. I deliberately let my gaze wander to the ceiling and promptly tripped over a step.
"Remember what Edvik said," the Djin continued insis tently. "You need all the allies you can get. You can't afford to get vindictive with this guy."