Phule Me Twice

"Jester can do it," snarled Botchup on his way out the door. "He's half crazy already. Let the Hidden Ones have their way with him! I'm going to get off this crazy planet while I still have a few brain cells left!" He stormed out and left the other four staring at the doorway.

It was Flight Leftenant Qual who finally broke the silence. "It is a pity he was not more adamant. We did not even get to deploy our most interesting effects."

"That's all right," said Armstrong. "We can save 'em in case General Blitzkrieg ever visits."

But Rev stood there with a puzzled expression. "I guess y'all are go

Phule gri

Chapter 18

Journal #611

Having regained de facto command of Omega Company, my employer moved quickly to solidify his gains. First of all, he made certain that Major Botchup and Lieutenant Snipe were able to leave the planet without undue difficulty or delay. He had no personal animus toward them, although many of his legio

His next priority was to reprogram the Andromatic robot; it had finally remained in his vicinity long enough for him to give it the verbal command that deactivated it. He had been tempted to return it to Lorelei in the same shuttle as the major, but that would have been u

His most important task was to pass along to the Zenobians the full details of his encounter with the Nanoids and his suggestion for a codification of the relationship of the two races: both, as he had reason to believe, authentic natives of this world. Flight Leftenant Qual was useful as a go-between in this matter, and we soon had a broad-based approval of the general terms of the agreement from the Zenobian side. Now all that remained was to bring the two races together and consolidate his diplomatic victory.

Oddly enough, while there were a hundred details to check and loose ends to tie together, everything moved extraordinarily swiftly once things were set in motion. After waiting outside the camp during most of the action, I drove the hoverjeep in at dawn and found I barely had time for a proper bath and change of uniform before I was up to my ears in work. But by late afternoon, everything was in readiness.

The command cadre of Omega Company stood facing Phule near the perimeter of the camp. While many of them were smiling, there were also several dazed expressions; the pace of events over the last twenty-four hours had been too much for almost anyone to keep track of without a script. Phule himself was not quite sure he understood everything that had happened, and he was sure that most of the things that had happened were best kept from the Legion's high command.

Next to him stood the Andromatic robot that had been his stand-in at the Fat Chance Casino on Lorelei and, after its kidnapping and escape, his unofficial double here in camp. Even now, several of the legio

Lieutenant Armstrong spoke for all of them. "It's really unca

"It would be even more difficult if he hadn't engaged the robot's override protocols," said Beeker.

"What's that?" asked Chocolate Harry.

"They prevent it from doing anything other than what I give it a specific order to do," said Phule. "But when I have it set to impersonate me, it'll follow a general program of doing things I might be doing, and it'll respond appropriately to events around it, subject to the robotic laws."

"Respond appropriately is an understatement," said Rembrandt with a nervous laugh. "If you hadn't come back, I guess we would have figured out it wasn't really you, but it would have taken a good while longer. And somebody like the major, who didn't know you from before-I don't think he ever had a chance."

Phule grimaced. "I suppose I ought to be glad I got my money's worth from the manufacturer," he said wryly. "But I can't help feeling a bit miffed that none of my officers noticed any difference between me and the robot."

"Yo, if folks paid attention, they'd a spotted it pretty quick," said Chocolate Harry. "Every time somebody came up to it wearing my purple camo, it couldn't see 'em. If somebody had tipped me to that, I'd have spotted that sucker for a bot in no time flat."

"At least, I'm glad it wasn't you ignoring me like that," said Je

"On my word as a gentleman and an officer," said Phule, holding up his hand as if taking a pledge.

Je

"Oh, coming from me, it's worth a great deal," said Phule.

"And he's got the Dilithium Express card to prove it," said Rembrandt, winking.

Before anyone could reply to that, Brandy pointed out into the desert and said, "Something's coming, Captain."

"Ah, that may be what we're waiting for," said Phule. "The Nanoids coming to finalize their agreement."

"Movin' mighty fast," said Chocolate Harry. "They on a bike or somethin'?"

"Conceivably, yes," said Beeker. "They evidently have the ability to form themselves into aggregations for special purposes, so perhaps they've adopted a form not dissimilar to one of your hovercycles."

"Whatever you say, man," said Chocolate Harry, shading his eyes with a huge hand. "Still comin' in fast. Are y' sure this is all cool, Cap'n? We can still get a couple antitank lasers zeroed in on it 'fore it gets too close."

"I doubt they'd hurt it any," said Sushi. "It'd do about as much damage as shooting a rifle at a swarm of ripners."

"I just hope it has good brakes," said Armstrong. "Shouldn't we stand out of its direct line of approach?"

"That's actually not a bad idea," said Phule, stepping off a half-dozen paces to one side. The group of legio

"Sheeee-it! It's the renegade robots!" cried Chocolate Harry, and he fell flat to the ground, reaching for a weapon.

"Looks like it, doesn't it?" said Sushi. "We've been showing them kids' adventure holos, and they must have decided they want to look like Roger Robot. You can get up, Harry. Meet the Nanoids."

"Nanoids? What the hell is that?" said Harry, slowly getting to his feet. He eyed the new arrival suspiciously.

"They're the whole reason we came to this planet," said Phule. "They share Zenobia with the Zenobians, and now we've got to arrange it so the two species can coexist in peace. And as it happens, I've got the perfect ambassador in mind."