E.Godz

"Thanks, Sis." Dov got off the examining table and started getting dressed. "We've lost enough time over that blasted squirrel. Let's get out of here, grab a cab to Edwina's and do this thing." He stopped wrestling with his trousers when he heard Peez laughing. "And what is so fu

"Remember right before that squirrel ran up your pants leg when I said he wanted something only I didn't know what?" she said, still snickering. "Well, now I do know what he was after: bigger nuts. Bwahahaha!"

Dov made a face. "I think I liked you better when you were a virgin."

* * *

The taxi dropped them off outside the gates to Edwina's house. Dov and Peez gazed at the building they hadn't seen in years. After they'd left home, their return trips had gone from compulsory holiday get-togethers bristling with hostility and ill will to grudging individual social calls. In time they'd given up coming at all, except when Edwina sent for them to discuss business matters. Soon even those visits stopped and all such meetings were held via e-mail, fax or phone.

"I never saw the point of coming back here," Dov said. "This never felt like home."

"What did?" Peez said.

"Nowhere." He looked at her. "Nowhere so far. Maybe that's going to change, too. Peez, have you ever seen Miami? It's a neat place. I think you'd like it, and I know a lot of people down there who'd help me show you a good time. How about Thanksgiving? Or before that, if you've got the time."

"I'd like that, Dov." Peez smiled. "But if you came up to New York for Thanksgiving we could see the Macy's parade together. My office has a great view of the route. Oh! And you absolutely have to come up for Christmas! Everyone loves the city lights, whether or not they celebrate the holiday. I have a duplex; you can stay with me."

"I'll tell you what: Why don't we take care of Mom first, then we can decide who's bringing the mince pie, okay?"

There was no problem gaining access to the grounds. Dov's explorations in cyberspace revealed that Edwina did not maintain the kind of security system you could buy through normal cha

The house itself was another story. Dov and Peez both sensed the all-enshrouding presence of warding spells. These were set on "Low," intended to be more deterrent than destructive. If a trespasser couldn't take the hint, there would be stronger stuff awaiting him inside.

Dov deferred to Peez, letting his big sister disarm the wards while he called up a counterspell to create the illusion that the wards hadn't been touched at all. Peez cleverly snagged a couple of scraps from the warding spells before discarding the rest. She slipped them over herself and her brother so that they could enter the house undetected. It was like tearing a camouflage tarp off a tank and using it to mask your own presence. The same wards that discouraged intruders by making them feel as though they were trying to penetrate doors and windows snugly clogged with yard-thick layers of rubber cement also had the power to make surveillance spells rebound.

Once thus concealed from view, there was no reason that Dov and Peez had to play ninja. They waltzed right into the house by the front door, their only precaution being to waltz as quietly as possible. Now all they had to do was locate their mother and spring their surprise.

Where do you think she is? Dov mouthed silently at Peez.

What? She mouthed back.

This time he exaggerated his lip movements: I said, where do you think she is? In the bedroom?

Did you say the bathroom?

Right, right! Pretending to be dying.

Peez nodded. No harm in trying, she agreed, starting to climb the staircase to the upper floors.

Dov followed. He had just set foot on the first step when suddenly, as if from nowhere, a small, round, bushy-tailed shape darted out of the shadows and planted itself right in his path. Beady eyes glittered balefully, teeth like tiny chisels clashed together, and Dov found himself staring into the fuzzy face of doom.

He couldn't help it: He screamed.

Peez whirled around just in time to be the first human being on the face of the planet to hear a squirrel laugh.

"There you are, children," said Edwina. A double crash underscored her appearance. She had thrust aside the sleeve doors of the front parlor (the actual parlor, not the one that was her incognito office) with a dramatic gesture like Samson pushing down the pillars of the Philistines' temple. The thick panels flew aside on their well-oiled brass rollers, making a thunderous noise that was quite impressive.

The squirrel bounded down the stairs and scurried up Edwina's skirt, hopped onto her arm, and clambered onto her shoulder. When she reached up to scratch his belly, he closed his eyes in delight and showed the world that squirrels do know how to purr.

"Ah, Mister Nibbles, what would I ever do without you?" Edwina mused aloud. "Good job." Returning her attention to her children, she added: "Come into the parlor, please. We've been waiting for you."

"And we have been waiting for you!" Dov declaimed, his cheeks still hot with embarrassment. "It's all over, Mom! Your days of deceit are at an end."

"Of course they are, dear," Edwina said placidly, still petting Mister Nibbles. "Shall we have a nice cup of tea to celebrate, now that you've finally arrived? I knew Mister Nibbles would manage to detain you for a time, but I didn't think you'd be this late. Either you took your sweet time treating Dov's leg or else my baby boy still runs to the ER over any little scratch." She turned her back on them and ambled into the parlor.

Dov and Peez exchanged a look that was half bewilderment, half apprehension. "I guess we've learned a valuable lesson here," Peez muttered. "Caffeine is no substitute for genius. She knew we were coming. She knew enough to sic a spy squirrel on us and hold us up so she could make tea! She probably stockpiled enough magic from her own batteries to counter any spells we could throw at her before you even accessed her accounts. Not a lot of punch left to a surprise attack once you take the surprise part away."

"Don't be silly, Peez darling," Edwina called from the parlor. "I was very surprised. Really, I was. Now come in here before all the scones are gone. I've got your favorite flavor: orange-cranberry."

Reluctantly, suspiciously, Dov and Peez entered the parlor just in time to see Edwina in a tug-of-war over the last orange-cranberry scone with Teddy Tumtum. Mister Nibbles was chittering angrily at the bear, who was seated on the sofa within easy grabbing distance of a large platter of scones, muffins, and assorted tea cakes.

"I might have known," Peez said bitterly, seating herself in a high-backed chair as far from Teddy Tumtum as possible.

"You and me both," said Dov, taking the chair closest to his sister. He had just caught sight of the glint of silver. Peez's treacherous teddy bear was wearing Ammi around his furry neck.

"Give me back that scone, Teddy Tumtum," Edwina said. "It's not as if you're actually able to eat it. You've just been tearing them to pieces and getting the crumbs all over my nice, clean house."

"And my nice, clean head," Ammi added.

"I don't care." The bear was sulky. "This way she can't have 'em either."

"Now you're just being needlessly vindictive," Edwina chided him. She let him keep the scone while she filled two teacups from the steaming pot and passed them around. "What next, dare I ask? Tying her shoelaces together? Lighting bags of dog poop on her front steps? Freezing her power assets through the Internet?"

She looked meaningfully at her children.

"You were right, Peez," Dov said.