Ecstasy

I open my eyes, turn to Jax, who still has his hand on my shoulder. “I’m probably just full of shit. Don’t listen to me.”

Jax doesn’t laugh like I wish he would. He meets my gaze instead, his eyes watery and blue. “You’re not full of shit. But to be honest, you’re makin’ me feel a little guilty about, you know, being your dealer and shit. If you really wa

My chest tightens with those words, and I can’t look away from him. I can’t look away from him and I know it’s a genuine offer, just like I know I’d never be able to accept it. Maybe right now, when I’m high as hell and in the moment, but as soon as I needed something, I’d be back on his doorstep and I would hate him.

“Nah,” I smile at him. “It’s okay. It’s not that bad.” I turn again to the moon. “Not yet.”

We’re quiet for a long moment. I’m not sure how much time passes but I start to feel sleepy when my phone vibrates again in my pocket.

“Wa

I lean to the side, pull it out of my back pocket. I’ve got several missed texts from Alex.

And one from Eli.

Jax must peer over at my screen because he says, “Oh nice. The rapist.”

I laugh, flipping my phone over and turning to look at Jax. “Is he really though?”

Jax shrugs. “Probably not, but some bitch said he was.”

“What happened?” I press. “Women don’t usually cry rape unless it really happened.” That’s an actual fact. And I don’t know if I want to know the whole story, but I know I need to get my head out of my ass and find out. A girl ended up dead at his house. He threw me on his kitchen counter and shoved a bottle in my mouth, hard enough to split my lip, just a few hours beforehand.

I need to stop being stupid.

But Jax just throws up his hands. “I du

My skin crawls thinking about that. One of his friends? And Alex is huge. He could easily stop a girl from leaving a room, and he could easily rape someone. At least physically. But I’m not so sure he’d actually do that. I mean, he was the one that put the brakes on the threesome.

“Who was the friend? Were they charged with anything?”

Jax shrugs again. “Du

My throat feels dry and I rub it with my hand, my phone vibrating again on my thigh. “What was her name?”

He cuts his eyes to me. “Oh, come on, Za. Don’t go trying to track the poor girl down. Ask Alex about it yourself.”

I did, I don’t say.

“Besides that, honestly, I don’t remember her name. I wasn’t at the party, just heard it through the grapevine, and you know that shit is crawling with bugs.”

I flick my brows up, impressed with that metaphor. Jax is a smart dude.

My phone buzzes again and I flip it back over, read Alex’s texts. He’s clearly drunk as fuck, because there are a lot of typos and question marks. That means I should probably stay far, far away, but…

I never can resist making a damn scene.

“What’s he want?” Jax asks me.

“Wants me to come over.”

A pause, and then, “Well, I’m going to bed soon. You wa

I glance up at Jax, see his squinty eyes. He’s high as hell, but Eli and Alex’s house is like, a thirty minute walk from here, and I’m high as hell, too.

“Yeah, but you got anything I can take before I go?”

Jax narrows his brows, no doubt thinking about the offer he just made me. “You sure that’s a good idea?”

I shrug. “No,” I say honestly, smiling. “But I’m sure they’re having a party and this conversation with you was kind of a buzzkill.”

He laughs, shaking his head. “All right, give me a sec.” He stands to his feet and goes inside, and I tell Alex I’m on the way.

I open up Eli’s text while I’m alone on Jax’s steps. All it says is, I want to see those scars, baby girl.