Ecstasy

Zara

I’m sitting with my feet in the pool beside Eli, both of us on a shared towel. He’s got his feet in too. He told me to bring my swimsuit and since I’m already being fucking stupid, it seemed silly not to.

I knew Alex was out with Dwight, so for at least a few more hours, we’ll be alone.

I told Eli I had to be gone before Alex came.

I grab the red Solo cup on the blanket between us and finish the tequila soda before putting the cup back down.

“Want another one?” Eli asks beside me, turning to face me.

I meet his eyes in the dim light around the pool. The water is cold, and the night is kind of chilly too. It’s not really warm enough for us to be sitting in our swimsuits, but I don’t really want Eli to put his shirt back on, so I’m not complaining. Besides, the alcohol will warm me up soon.

“I shouldn’t,” I tell Eli, smiling a little as he grins at me.

He cocks his head. “You shouldn’t be here either and yet here you are.” He shrugs, the muscles in his shoulders flexing as he does. “Why not be a little more bad?” His words are a whisper, and there’s like a foot of space between us, but it doesn’t stop a chill from going down my spine. I clench my thighs together and hope he doesn’t notice.

His eyes never leave mine.

“Okay, fine. But not until you tell me what you know about Alex and Kylie. And why the fuck you lied to Alex about me flashing you.” I know I should be madder, but when he grins at my reply, I can’t help but laugh a little too.

He’s leaning against his palms, but he moves his fingers closer to mine, his thumb brushing against my wrist, his eyes still on mine.

“Alex told Kylie to keep an eye on you,” he says quietly.

My stomach churns.

“She sends him weekly reports.”

I snatch my hand away from him and sit up straighter, twisting to stare at him. “Eli, do not fuck with me. Are you lying right now?”

He sits up too, bringing his feet in, flat on the towel as he wraps his arms around his knees. “I told you. I’m not lying to you.”

“But you fucking lied to Alex about—”

He puts his hand on my thigh, cutting off my words. His thumb strokes the scars, just under the edge of my bikini.

I shiver at his touch but don’t dare move.

“Yeah. I lied to him. I’m not lying to you.”

“But why?” I ask him, my voice hoarse as he keeps moving his thumb back and forth across my bare skin. I feel warmth spooling in my core, my insides turning to liquid. “Why did you lie to him? He was pissed at me.”

“He’s always pissed at you, baby girl.”

I hold his gaze a second, then turn to look out at the pool. He keeps his hand on my thigh, still ru

“Do you think he cares?” I ask without looking at him. “Is that why he asked Kylie to look after me?” I hate the rough edge to my voice, but I can’t help it.

Alex has been lying to me.

Or at the very least, he’s been keeping things from me. And Kylie? Fuck her. She was bullshitting me about Alex being a jerk. Or maybe she really thinks he is, but she fucking lied to me too.

Eli is quiet a moment, and his thumb moves closer to the edge of my bikini. The warmth under my skin is growing and I want to turn toward him, with his fingers higher, inside of me again.

But I need to hear this too.

“Probably,” he answers me. “But wouldn’t you rather know?”

I nod in the dark. “Yeah,” I admit, and his thumb grazes just under the thin material of my swimsuit. My next words are a little breathless. “I would want to know.”

Eli picks the red cup up with his free hand, moves it to his other side. I don’t dare move as he comes closer to me, his thigh brushing mine, his shoulder bumping against my arm. I can smell him, and his scent does things to me.

I press my thighs closer together, kicking my feet a little in the cold water of the pool.

“Why did you start?” he asks me quietly. His thumb slips under my swimsuit, and it’s hard to breathe. “Why did you start cutting?”

I bite my lip, still staring at the water.

I know he’s waiting for some tragedy and it makes my face burn with shame. I don’t have a tragedy. If that’s what he thinks we have in common, we don’t.

He shifts even closer, moves his hand, and pulls at the string of my bikini bottom until it comes undone. He slides his hand under the material, cupping me.

I turn toward him, and his eyes are on mine.

“Tell me, Zara. Why did you start hurting yourself?”

I stare at his mouth, his full lips, imagining them on my skin when I answer him. “I was lonely.”

He bites his lip, and runs his middle finger down my slit, parting my lips.

I suck in a breath and I see his lips pull up into a smile.

“Were you?” he asks me softly, leaning in closer. He puts his mouth on my shoulder, kissing me.

I nod, still staring at his mouth, then parting my thighs wider, giving him better access.

He lifts his head. “That night, when you and Alex fought. Why did you do it then?” He pulls me apart with his fingers, massaging my clit with his middle finger.

I take a shaky breath in, glance behind him at the sliding glass doors. Any moment, Alex could walk out here. He could come home early. He could catch us. He would kill us.

“Look at me, baby girl,” Eli commands me, sliding his finger lower.

I spread my thighs wider, wanting him inside of me.

He dips his finger down, and then he’s right there, teasing me.

“I won’t let him hurt you. Tell me.” He flicks his gaze to my mouth as he circles my entrance. “Tell me why you did it that night and I’ll reward you.”

I want to touch him. I want to push him on his back and ride him. I want him inside of me. But I force myself to stay still. To do what he said. I hesitate, “I…I was just tired of feeling… unwanted.” I whisper the last word. Think about Alex telling me that his father thought I was a whore. The words shouldn’t have hurt, considering his dad really is a whore. But it still hurt to know Alex cared what his father said about me. And, he seemed to agree with him and what he thought about me.

It was painful, and so was remembering how it felt to know that my father didn’t think of me at all.

“Did it make you feel better?” Eli asks, still teasing me. I shift my hips and I see a ghost of a smile on his lips. “When you cut yourself, did you feel better?”

I nod, whimpering.

“I love when you make that sound,” he says, leaning closer. And then his mouth is on mine as he pushes his finger inside of me. I gasp into his mouth, his tongue twirling around mine as he fingers me. He pushes another finger into me, and I shift my hips, bucking against him.

He pulls back, his eyes on mine. I grab his thigh, squeezing the hard muscles below his swimsuit. I trail my hand up higher, palm his hard cock, ru

“I’m sorry,” he says suddenly, fingering me slowly, teasingly. “I’m sorry for hurting you. The night at the party.”

I remember how his fingers curled up inside of me. How it hurt when Alex pulled me off.

It’s so different to this Eli now, being gentle and slow.

“Why?” I ask him, breathless. “Why did you do it?”

He kisses me again, licking the seam of my mouth as he pulls back. I rub my hand over his cock, wanting him inside of me so bad.

So fucking bad.

“I was pissed with Alex. It had nothing to do with you.”

I want to ask why he was mad, but instead, something else comes out. “I like it rough.”