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Zara
One in the morning on Monday, and I can’t sleep. Sunday, I did fuck-all. Ended up chugging cough syrup in the middle of the day, and now I’m reaping the consequences.
I turn on my side to grab my phone from my nightstand.
I still haven’t confronted Eli about his bullshit. Alex and I have texted since he dropped me off here Saturday, and I told him again I was sorry, but I’m not that sorry.
I’m fucking pissed.
I know Eli is probably sleeping, although I’m not sure he does sleep, but I can’t help it. I’ve been thinking about his bullshit nonstop, just waiting for him to tell Alex. Or to blackmail me to meet him or some shit.
But he’s just ignored me.
Me: What the fuck is wrong with you?
I send off the message, not really expecting a reply. I lay on my back, holding my phone over my head under the covers.
I wish Alex was here.
I wish I could be honest with him.
I wish I could tell him Eli is fucked up.
Instead, I just scroll through some pictures of us. My legs wrapped around him at the beach, his mom behind the camera. I have the biggest smile on my face, and I wasn’t even high that day. He’s pretending to bite my cheek, his hands under my ass. He looks happy too. I can see that dimple in his cheek, even with his teeth bared against my skin.
There’s another picture of me, coming up out of the water at his parents’ pool that night they were away. I’m naked, but he took the photo carefully, so you can’t tell.
If only he’d been that careful last fucking weekend.
Before I can thumb through the next picture, I get a text from Eli. My heart flutters in my chest, my stomach in knots. I take a breath before I open it.
Eli: Miss me, baby girl?
This asshole.
Before I can compose myself, I just let my fingers fly over my screen.
Me: Why would you do that? Why would you fucking lie like that?
This time, I don’t go back to pictures of Alex. I just wait, because almost immediately, I see Eli is typing.
Him: He’s not good for you.
And then, a second later, before I can think of what to say, he adds: Take a picture of your scars. I want to see them.
I roll my eyes, squeezing said thighs together before I reply.
Me: Fuck you.
I bite my cheek as I wait for his response. I don’t have to wait long.
Him: How’s your roomie, Zara?
I frown at my screen, brow furrowed. My arms are getting tired of holding my phone up so I shift onto my side, still perplexed. I don’t know if he even knows Kylie, and she is asleep in her room. I saw her when I came out for an apple earlier in the day.
Before I can ask him what the fuck he’s talking about he says, You know her and Alex are close?
I laugh out loud. That’s hilarious. Alex has been over a lot, and him and Kylie barely exchange three words to each other. They are definitely not close. Besides, I think about all those questions Kylie asked me about Alex. How she always said he was a dick.
Me: Yeah. Fu Eli’s reply is almost instant. Him: I lied to him. I’m not going to lie to you. I bite my lip, frowning. He’s obviously full of shit. Dude is crazy. He’s just insane. He tried to start shit between me and Alex by making up some shit about me flashing him, so there’s no way this is true. Kylie isn’t Alex’s type. Alex is definitely not Kylie’s type. How close? I ask, giving in. If he wants to talk shit, I’ll see how far he can go. He starts typing, then stops, then starts and stops all over again. My heart is pounding in my chest and I pull down my covers, glancing at my closed bedroom door. Kylie would not go there. Alex wouldn’t either. Between the two of us, I’m the cheater. Alex is arrogant, and a dick, but he’s not a cheater. I snatch my phone back up when I see Eli’s text finally come through. Eli: How does it feel being with someone who wants to control the fuck out of you? I roll my eyes in the dark. Me: That’s not an answer, Eli Addison. Despite how a Eli: Oh, I like when you say my name. I slam my phone down on my mattress, biting my lip to stifle my laughter. He is so weird. I pick my phone back up to ask him about Kylie and Alex again, but he’s already texted me again. Eli: What’s your middle name? I’m momentarily distracted from the Kylie bullshit. Me: You’re my number one stalker. Shouldn’t you know? And then, because I’m clearly stupid, I add, What’s yours? He replies instantly. Him: Adonis. And right after that. Him: You’re cute, you know that, Zara Rose? I place a hand over my heart, willing it to chill out. Me: How did you know that? I find myself holding my breath while I wait for his response. There are a lot of red flags here. Eli is not a good guy. Not just that, but he lives with Alex. For all I know, they both could be fucking me over right now. Even if they’re not, this won’t end well for me. They’ll probably get over me, go back to being bros. But they’ll forget all about me, and I’ll be alone, and I can’t do that. I can’t fucking do it. The internet has everything, he responds. Yeah, maybe so, but even still, whether he’s a real stalker or just good at searching online, I know what I need to say next. Me: We shouldn’t do this. I send it before I can psyche myself out of it, but I’m still staring at my phone, waiting for those three little dots to let me know he’s replying. Maybe to tell me he agrees or to say we’ll put this behind us. Or even to tell me he’s sorry for fucking me over. But he doesn’t say any of that. Instead, he replies with, Do you want to stop? My heart is hammering so hard in my chest I feel like I might have a heart attack. Do I want to stop? I don’t know. Before I can answer, another text comes in, and it makes my stomach flip, every nerve in my body tingling. Him: I don’t like it when he hurts you. My hand is sweaty on my phone, one hand flat against the mattress. I don’t know what to say. I just keep staring at it until the screen dims and then goes black. I don’t like it when he hurts you. I close my eyes, but then the screen lights back up and I see it beyond my lids. Taking a deep breath, I force my eyes open and read the next message. Him: I know you hurt him too. Do you think you’ll always be like that? What if you found the right person? I should put my phone away. Every text I send is just more damning than the last, and Alex might’ve forgiven me for the bullshit Eli lied about, but if he were to see these texts, he definitely wouldn’t. Then again, Eli would be fucking himself, too. He can’t lie about this. I don’t know, I reply. I just want to experience everything, I admit. Me: And then…then I’ll be good. He doesn’t start typing for so long, I think he’s gone to sleep. I think I should probably do that too considering I have class in the morning, but just as I’m about to plug my phone back into charge, he sends me another text.