Ecstasy

Zara

Everything still feels strangely warm and oddly fuzzy, but I sit all the way up as Alex charges at Eli, knocking them both over into the shallow end of the pool.

The creepy music that Eli put on for me is still playing and I can only watch, transfixed as Alex and Eli both go under, and then both pop back up.

I draw my knees into my chest, wrapping my arms around myself. I’m shivering, my nose is ru

I don’t know what to do and my brain is still trying to process what Eli did. The words he told me before Alex came storming out here.

That he loved me.

That he was sorry.

That we couldn’t do that again.

That he was going to take care of me.

I lift up my hand.

My veins are stark against my pale skin and there’s a slight bruise already, where he injected me with…my brain can’t hold a thought.

“You motherfucker.” That’s Alex’s voice, and he’s trying to push Eli under. He’s trying to push him under the water as they wrestle in the shallow end, a tangle of arms and anger and water spraying on the surface. “You stupid motherfucker.”

He doesn’t even know. He doesn’t even know what he did.

He doesn’t know.

Eli laughs. He just laughs, and it sends a chill down my spine. I pull my knees in closer, resting my chin on one.

Maybe they’ll just kill each other. Maybe they’ll just fucking kill each other and I can sleep again and go home and pretend none of this happened. Maybe their bodies will be at the bottom of this pool.

Eli steps back, shoving Alex off him. He backs up on the stairs, gripping the railing. The same one I was lying beside when he shoved me under water, holding me down.

Alex pulls his shirt over his head, throws it off to the side of the pool, opposite me. My tired eyes take in his tan muscles, his tall, lean frame.

Eli is still laughing, gripping that railing. He has a white t-shirt on, and it’s soaked, sticking to his every muscle.

“You think she actually wants you?” he taunts Alex, his voice cold. “You think that this week actually meant something to her?”

Alex’s gaze narrows, but he turns to look at me, because he’s unsure. And I’m not sure what he sees in my expression, but I see his face fall. His lips part, and the tension seems to leave his body as he turns to face me more fully.

“Zara,” he whispers. The music has stopped, and a strange silence settles over their backyard. The sun is rising, bathing us in orange and yellow.

I glance at Eli, but he is watching Alex with a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

He’s a fucking psychopath.

Maybe I knew that from the very begi

That’s why girls like assholes, I think to myself. There’s something appealing about being with a man who does not give a single fuck about anything. Anything but you.

But what about when he ruins you?

What then?

“Tell me it isn’t true,” Alex pleads with me, his voice cracking.

I run my hand over the back of my nose, force myself to meet Alex’s gaze. He’s so beautiful. He’s so damn beautiful.

He doesn’t know the truth.

He doesn’t know what Eli told me. He told me he put Riha

He wanted me.

“Did you kill her?” I asked him. “Did you hold her under?”

He shook his head. “I didn’t need to. When I pushed her, that’s all I had to do. She killed herself, Zara. She drowned herself.”

“It was always going to be him, wasn’t it?” Alex suddenly demands, sending a spray of water toward me. I gasp, shivering.

I can’t get the words out. I can’t speak.

Alex wades through the water toward me. “It was always going to be fucking him. You two…” He turns to glare at Eli, who is glaring right back. “You two are fucking unbelievable. You two are fucking…psychos. You’re fucking insane. Was this always a fucking game?” He turns back to me, his hands gripping the concrete ledge of the pool.

He left me once. He left me after that night with Eli.

But he came back for me.

And he stayed with me.

This week, he stayed.

That’s when it was all real for me.

“Fucking answer me!” he screams at me, planting his hands flat on the concrete to haul himself up.

But Eli moves fast, and he jerks him back, his arm wrapped around Alex’s neck. “She’s not yours anymore, Alex. Let her go.”

I get to my hands and knees, crawling forward. My body is so cold and I’m shaky and my nose is still ru

Alex doesn’t even fight Eli, and Eli must sense it because he loosens the hold around his throat without letting him go as they float back in the water, Alex’s gaze still on me.

“Fucking say something, Zara!” he screams at me, the tendons in his neck under Eli’s arm stark against his skin. “Say something!” he pleads with me.

The concrete is rough against my hands, against my knees, but I crawl to the edge of the pool, darting my eyes back and forth between Eli and Alex and back again. Eli is staring at Alex and Alex is staring at me.

What’s real?

Which one is real?

The psychopath? The asshole? Neither of them?

Am I fucking real?

Eli’s words echo in my head: Does it feel good now?

No. No. No.

“Eli.” My voice is hoarse, and I’m still staring at Alex. He’s waiting for me to heal him. Waiting for me not to break his heart.

“What did he do to you?” he demands, and Eli pushes his forearm tighter against Alex’s throat, cutting off the last word.

I shake my head, my hands trembling beneath me. “He…he…” I can’t get the words out.

Alex grabs at Eli’s arm, trying to yank him off. He succeeds, long enough to say, “I fucking know he did! What did he do to you? I saw it.” His voice cracks and Eli is still glaring at him, holding Alex’s back to his chest with the force of his forearm. “I fucking saw it in the trash, Zara, I know that he did something to you!”

Eli slams his forearm back against Alex’s throat and I see Alex gag from the force.

I stand to my feet, my knees trembling.

Eli glances up at me, his eyes narrowed as he chokes Alex. Alex tries to force his arm off his windpipe, but Eli is the wrestler. Eli is the one with the power here.

And not just in his strength.

Alex is strong, too.

But Eli knows things, he told me. He has secrets.

“You think you hurt Cari that night?” Eli says, his voice low, a smirk pulling on the corners of his mouth.

Alex freezes, no longer fighting, his eyes wide. His face turns an alarming shade of red as Eli cuts off his air supply.

Cari. This must be the girl. Eli told me he knew the truth.

My fingers are trembling as I hold my hand to my mouth, unable to breathe. To think. To speak.

“You think it was you, huh? You fucking idiot.” Eli laughs, his mouth against Alex’s ear, but he speaks loud enough for me to hear him. “It was me.”

My hand falls from my mouth.

“She wanted it, but she was too fucked up to remember she did. And then you, being the fucking hero, rip me out of her bed before I was able to get inside of her. You fucking prick.” Eli’s arm slams harder against Alex’s throat, his other hand gripping his own wrist to keep the pressure tight.