Ecstasy

My heart feels heavy, and I feel tears prick behind my eyes, but I force them back.

“You think I’ll leave you because he left you. You think you’ll leave me because your mother leaves. But you’re not like that, and I’m not like that.”

“Alex,” I say, my lip trembling, “I am exactly like that.”

He shakes his head, squeezing my hand. “I told you, Zara. I see you. I see what you can’t. You aren’t like that. Not at your core. Not in your heart. You’re so much more. You have scars, like we all do, and yeah, you’re pretty damn chaotic and wild and kind of insane.” He smiles, and I do too, even though my lip is still trembling. “But you are so beautiful, too. So fucking beautiful, inside and out. And you’re fu

I’m holding my breath as he leans in closer, his brow to mine.

“I see you. And I think you see me, too, yeah?”

I nod, biting my lip to hold back my tears. I do see him. He’s nothing like the asshole jock he pretends to be. And I don’t even know if he ever pretended to be that, or if his temper just gets the best of him sometimes like my loneliness and awkwardness and need to be loved gets the best of me.

“And call me crazy, which I know is usually your thing, but I’m pretty damn sure I’m falling in love with you all over again.”

I can’t breathe. He picks his head up, presses his warm, soft lips to mine. It’s a gentle kiss, but when he runs his tongue over the seam of my mouth and I open for him, it changes. It’s not rough or hard but it’s possessive.

He lets go of my hand, pushes my shoulder so I’m lying on my back. Not breaking away from our kiss, he positions himself on top of me, hands on either side of my head, knees either side of my hips.

His tongue swirls around mine, and I slide my hands over his back, feeling his strength, his hot, smooth skin.

“Fuck that,” he says against my mouth, pulling away for a second. “I know I’m falling in love with you. All fucking over again.” He kisses me again, one hand going to the waistband of my shorts. He yanks them down and I move my hips to help him, pushing the material off with my foot when they get to my ankles.

He breaks away again, licks a line down the column of my throat as I arch my neck. He shoves up my shirt, biting at my stomach, ru

And then he’s between my thighs, lifting one leg over his shoulder, pushing my knee to the side with the other hand, spreading me wide.

“Alex,” I murmur, ru

His breath is against my pussy. “Shh.” His hand trails up from my knee to my i

“You like that, princess?” he asks me, his words sending shivers down my spine.

I can only murmur my answer because he doesn’t wait for one. Instead, he flicks his tongue over my clit, and then his hand leaves my thigh and he pushes two fingers inside of me. My grip on his hair tightens as he fingers me, licks me, fucking lavishes me.

I’m a bundle of pent-up energy and nerves, and he knows exactly what I need.

His tongue works me faster as I get closer, his fingers, too, and when I come, I cry out his name, yanking on his hair so hard, I’m surprised he doesn’t complain but, in the moment, I don’t really care.

He doesn’t stop until I’m gasping, nearly begging him to let me breathe. My chest rises and falls rapidly, my heart pounding so fast I can hear it in my head.

He gives me one last, slow lick that makes me squirm, and then he’s crawling over my body, pushing down his shorts and tossing them on the floor. I can feel his cock against my thigh as he cradles my head in his hands, boxing me in beneath him, in what seems like a protective way.

Or maybe I just think that because I feel a rush of gratitude toward him. I feel high off that orgasm.

“You ready, princess?” he asks me, kissing my mouth. I taste myself on him and it drives me fucking wild.

I nod, not wanting to break our kiss.

He reaches down between us, guides his thick cock to my wet entrance. Then he pushes into me and my toes curl. I wrap my legs around his back as he slides all the way in, groaning.

“Fuck,” he says through gritted teeth, his mouth still against mine as he thrusts slowly in and out of me. “You are so damn tight.”

I drag my nails lightly down his back. “Or maybe you’re just really, really big.”

He pauses, staring down at me, brushing a lock of hair from my eyes. “You think so?”

I nod, biting my lip.

“And how do you feel about having my really, really big dick inside of you?” he teases me, pulling halfway out.

“I—”

I don’t get to finish because then he slams it back into me and the words turn into a moan as I bury my head against his shoulder.

“Yeah?” he asks. “I didn’t hear you, princess. What was that?”

I wrap my legs tighter around him, gasping as he thrusts into me again, filling me up. “I—I—”

He fucks me harder, one hand going to my throat as he pulls back from me to stare down at me. “You what, baby?” He doesn’t choke me, but that possessive touch around my neck makes me wetter, and I clench my muscles around his cock, and this time, he’s the one groaning.

“Goddamn,” he says through clenched teeth. “If you keep doing that this is going to end a lot sooner than I’d like.”

I smile up at him and he leans down, kissing me with an open mouth.

“I fucking love you, Zara,” he says against my mouth, then he licks my lips, down my chin, his fingers still around my throat.

My mind is spi

He pauses, his eyes wide as he pulls back to look at me.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

And then he thrusts into me again and I’m lost in a wave of sensation. Not just my body. My mind is wandering. Did I mean that?

Did he?

His eyes close tight as he comes inside of me, groaning my name.

He’s breathing hard and my legs loosen around him, my knees falling to the side as he comes to rest on top of me, still inside of me. He’s heavy, and I can hardly breathe, but he wraps his arms around my back, holding me so tight I don’t care if I can breathe or not. I don’t want him to let go of me.

Slowly, he lifts his hips and slides out of me.

“Did you mean it?” he asks me after a moment, rolling off me and pulling me to his chest again. The inside of my thighs are sticky and even though he did all the work, I’m a sweaty fucking mess.

“Did you?” I counter. “You said it first.”

He laughs, his body vibrating beneath me. “Clever girl.”

“Well,” I ask, spent and finally exhausted in body and mind, ready to drift off into sleep right here in his arms, “did you?”

He sighs, contentment in the sound. “Yeah.” He laughs again, a deep, boyish chuckle that makes me feel good all over. “I did.”

I swallow down my emotions. Down what might happen in the morning. At the end of this week. Next week. Next semester. When we graduate. I swallow all of that shit down and live in the moment.

“Me too. I meant it too.”

He holds me closer, tighter, and I close my eyes, sighing in his arms.

“I’ll always take care of you, princess. Not just this week. Not just while you deal with this shit. Always.”