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'UltraWord™ is bigger than all of us,' said the Bellman slowly. 'Even if sheisa murderer, she still may have found something wrong. I ca
'Well, we can delay,' said Tweed slowly, 'but that would take the inauguration of the new operating system out of your term as Bellman. If you think that is the best course of action, perhaps we should take it. But whichever Bellman signs Ultra Word™ into law might be looked on favourably by history, do you not think?'
The Bellman rubbed his chin thoughtfully.
'What more tests could we do?' he asked at length.
Tweed smiled. 'I'm not sure, sir. We fixed the flight manual conflict and debugged AutoPageTurnDeluxe™. The raciness overheat problem has been fixed and the Esperanto translation module is now working a hundred per cent. All these faults have been dealt with openly and transparently. We need to upgrade and upgrade now — the popularity of non-fiction is creeping up and we have to be vigilant.'
Heep ran up and whispered in Tweed's ear.
'That was our intelligence sources, sir. It seems that Next has been suffering from a mnemonomorph recently.'
'Great Scott!' gasped the Bellman. 'She might not even know she has done it!'
'It would explain that convincing act,' added Tweed. 'A woman with no memory of her evil has no guilt. Now, do I have your permission to apply for an "Extremely Prejudicial Termination" order?'
'Yes.' The Bellman sighed, taking a seat 'Yes, you better had and Ultra Word™ is to go ahead, as pla
We jumped back into the Jurisfiction offices. Tweed and Heep were alone with the Bellman, overseeing a document that I found out later was my termination warrant. I had Deane's gun pointed — at Deane; he had his hands up. Heep and Tweed exchanged nervous glances.
'I've brought you Deane, Bellman,' I a
'Go to hell!'
I whacked him hard on the back of the head with the butt of his pistol and he fell to the ground, momentarily stu
'That's for Miss Havisham,' I told him.
'Miss Havisham?' echoed the Bellman.
'Oh yes,' I replied. 'Bastard.'
Deane touched the back of his head and looked at his hand.
'Bitch!' he muttered. 'I'd have killed you, too!'
He turned and leaped at me with surprising speed, grasping me by the throat before I could stop him, and we both crashed to the floor, knocking over a table as we went. It was an impressive charade.
'The little slut serving wench deserved to die!' he screamed. 'How dare she spoil the happy life that could have been mine!'
I couldn't breathe and started to black out. I had wanted it to look realistic — and so, I suppose, did he.
Tweed placed a gun under Deane's chin and forced him off. He spat in my face as I lay there, trying to get my breath back. Deane was then set upon by Heep, who took an unhealthy delight in beating him despite the fact that he apologised in a supercilious ma
'Stop!' yelled the Bellman. 'Calm down, all of you!'
They propped the now bleeding Deane in a chair and Heep bound his hands.
'Did you kill Perkins?' asked the Bellman and Deane nodded sullenly.
'He was going to blow the whistle on me — Havisham too. Snell and Mathias just got in the way. Happiness should have been mine!' he sobbed. 'Why did the slut have to turn up with that little bastard? I should have married Miss O'Shaugnessy — all I wanted was something no evil squire in Farquitt ever gets—!'
'And what was that?' asked the Bellman sternly.
'A happy ending.'
'Pitiful, wouldn't you say, Tweed?'
'Pitiful, yes, sir,' he replied stonily, staring at me as I picked myself off the floor.
The Bellman tore up my termination order.
'It looks as if we have underestimated you,' said the Bellman happily. 'I knew Havisham couldn't be wrong. Tweed, I think you owe Miss Next an apology.'
'I apologise unreservedly,' said Tweed through gritted teeth.
'Good,' said the Bellman. 'Now, Thursday, what's the problem with UltraWord™?'
It was a sticky moment. We had to take this higher than the Bellman. With Libris and the whole of Text Grand Central involved, there was no knowing what they would do. I remembered an error from an early UltraWord™ test version.
'Well,' I began, 'I think there is a flight manual conflict. If you read an UltraWord™ book on an airship, it can play havoc with the flight manuals.'
'That's been cured,' said the Bellman kindly, 'but thank you for being so diligent.'
'That's a relief I replied. 'May I have some leave?'
'Of course. And if you find any other irregularities in UltraWord™, I want them brought to me and me alone.'
'Yes, sir. May I?'
I indicated my TravelBook.
'Of course! Very impressive job capturing Deane, don't you think, Tweed?'
'Yes,' replied Tweed grimly, 'very impressive — well done, Next.'
I opened my TravelBook and read myself to Solomon's outer office. Tweed wouldn't try anything at the C of G, and the following three days were crucial. Everything I needed to say to the Bellman would have to wait until I had seven million witnesses.
32
The 923rd A
'The a
I stood offstage at the Starlight Room, one in a long line of equally minor celebrities, all awaiting our turn to go and read the nominations. The hospitality lounge where we had all been mustered was about the size of a football pitch, and the massed babble of excited voices sounded like rushing water. I had been trying to avoid Tweed all evening. But whenever I lost him Heep would take over. There were others about, too. Bradshaw had pointed out Orlick and Legree, two other assistants of Tweed's that he thought I should be wary of.
Of them all, Heep was the most amateur. His skills at unobserved observation were woefully inadequate.
'Well!' he said when I caught him staring at me. 'You and me both waiting for awards!' He rubbed his hands and tapped his long fingers together. 'I ask you, me all humble and you an Outlander. Thanks to you and the mispeling incident I'm up for "Most Creepy Character in a Dickens Novel". What would you be up for?'
'I'm giving one, not accepting one, Uriah — and why are you following me?'
'Apologies, ma'am,' he said, squirming slightly and clasping his hands together to try to stop them moving. 'Mr Tweed asked me to keep a particular close eye on you in case of an attack, ma'am.'
'Oh yes?' I replied, unimpressed by the lame cover story. 'From whom?'
'Those who would wish you harm, of course. ProCaths, bowdlerisers — even the townspeople from Shadow. It was them what tried to kill you at Solomon's, I'll be bound.'