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CHAPTER 17
The single long peal of the bell calling people to the devotion echoed through the cavernous halls as two of the big men seized Sebastian by the arms and started bearing him away. Je
Je
The people who had spread back away from the potential trouble, along with everyone else strolling the halls, all began moving toward the square. People in the shops set down their work to join them. No one paid much attention to the soldiers' business. In response to that single chime still hanging in the air, laughter and talking trailed off to respectful whispers.
Panic clawed at Jermsen as she saw the soldiers muscling Sebastian down a hall to the side. She could see his white hair amid the dark armor. She didn't know what to do. This wasn't supposed to happen. They only came to find a gilder. She wanted to scream for the soldiers to stop. She dared not, though.
Je
Je
As she watched, afraid to do anything to stop the soldiers, her own fear shamed her. Sebastian had done so much for her. He had made so many sacrifices for her. He had risked his life to save hers.
Je
Surrender.
It wasn't fair what they were doing to Sebastian, to her, to i
Tu vash misht.
He was only there because of her. She had asked him to come.
Tu vask misht.
Now, he was in trouble.
Grushdeva du kalt misht.
The words sounded so right. They flared through her, carried on flames of igniting rage.
People pushed against her. She growled through gritted teeth as she squeezed her way among the crush of people, trying to follow the soldiers who had Sebastian. It wasn't fair. She wanted them to stop. Just stop. Stop.
Her helplessness frustrated her. She was sick of it. When they wouldn't stop, when they kept going, it only further enraged her.
Surrender.
Je
A soldier gently pushed her, turning her in the direction of the rest of the crowd. "The devotion square is that way, ma'am."
It was spoken as a suggestion, but wrapped around the core of command.
Through the rage, she looked up into his hooded eyes. She saw the dead man's eyes. She saw the soldiers at her house-men on the floor dead, men coming for her, men grabbing her. She saw flashes of movement through a crimson sheen of blood.
As she and the soldier stared into each other's eyes, she felt the blade at her waist coming out of its sheath.
A hand under her arm tugged at her. "This way, dear. I'll show you where it is."
Je
Je
But, for some reason, the knife stubbornly remained where it was.
Je
The woman's eyes, now, were set with warning. "No one misses a devotion, dear. No one. Let me show you where it is."
The soldier, his expression grim, watched as Je
Je
Through the murmuring around her, the voice, sharp and distinct, caught her attention. Je
Surrender your will, Je
It made sense, in a visceral way.
Surrender yourflesh.
Nothing else seemed to matter anymore. Nothing she had tried in her whole life had brought her salvation, or safety, or peace. To the contrary, everything seemed lost. There seemed nothing else to lose.
"Here we are, dear," the woman said.
Je
"Here we are."
Je
Je
The voice had grown harsh, commanding. It fa
Je
Surrender!
She saw strings of her saliva hanging, dripping, as she panted through parted lips. Tears dropped to the tiles close beneath her face. Her nose ran. Her breath came in gasps. Her eyes were opened so wide it hurt. She shook all over, as if alone in the coldest darkest winter night. She couldn't make herself stop.
People bowed forward deeply, hands pressed to the tiles. She wanted her knife out.
Je
"Master Rahl guide us.»
It was not the voice. It was the people all around, in one voice, chanting the devotion. As they began, they all bowed farther forward until their foreheads touched the tile floor. A soldier moved past close behind, patrolling, watching as she knelt, bent over, hands to the floor, quaking uncontrollably.
Inch by halting inch, as she gasped, panted, shook, Je
"Master Rahl teach us.»
That was not what she wanted to hear.
She wanted the voice. She raged for it. She wanted her knife. She wanted blood.
"Master Rahl protect us, " the people all chanted in unison.
Je
She listened for the voice, but heard only the chant of the devotion.
"In your light we thrive. In your mercy we are sheltered. In your wisdom we are humbled. We live only to serve. Our lives are yours."
At first, Je
Now, hungering for the voice that wanted her to surrender, almost unbeknownst to her, almost as if it were someone else doing it, her trembling lips began moving with the words.
"Master Rahl guide us. Master Rahl teach us. Master Rahl protect us. In your light we thrive. In your mercy we are sheltered. In your wisdom we are humbled. We live only to serve. Our lives are yours."
The cadence of those murmured words filled the great hall, many people but one voice resounding powerfully off the walls. She listened with all her strength for the voice that had been her companion for nearly as long as she could remember, but it wasn't there.
Now, Je
"Master Rahl guide us. Master Rahl teach us. Master Rahl protect us. In your light we thrive. In your mercy we are sheltered. In your wisdom we are humbled. We live only to serve. Our lives are yours."
Over and over Je
The chant filled her mind. It beckoned to her, spoke to her. It was all that filled her thoughts as she chanted it over and over and over. It filled her so completely that it left no room for anything else.
Somehow, it calmed her.
Time slipped by, incidental, inconspicuous, unimportant.
Somehow, the soft chant brought her a sense of peace. It reminded her of how Betty calmed when having her ears smoothed. Je
She understood, then, why it was called a devotion.
Despite everything, it drained her, and then filled her with a profound calm, a serene sense of belonging.
She no longer fought the words. She allowed herself to whisper them, letting them lift away the shards of pain. For that time, as she knelt, her head to the tiles, with nothing to do but say the words, she was free of anything and everything.
As she chanted along with everyone else, the shadow cast on the floor from the mullions of the leaded glass overhead moved past her, leaving her in the glow of the full sun. It felt warm and protective. It felt like her mother's warm embrace. Her body felt light. The soft radiance all around reminded Je