Garden of Sins

31. The bro-thing

Alayna

I lie on the couch in your living room. Emilia gave me fresh bedding and smiled pitifully at me because I’m back.

Yes, I am back again, but only because of your brother, Caden, and not in the way you think.

I was already home when Carter called. He promised he’d calm you down. He promised me that when he was done with you, you’d be back to your old self. He promised that you didn’t mean anything you said. And then he asked me to come home to you and wait for you because you need it. Carter said you needed to see that I was still here even if you crossed the line. And I want that. I want nothing more than that. But you said and did things today that I’ll probably remember forever. However, I love you and I am ready to try whatever Carter suggested.

Now I’m back, but you’re gone and that’s okay. I believe you need that right now, whatever you’re doing.

So I lie here alone in the dark, listening to cars go by and thinking about everything that happened here and how I feel about it, but I don’t find the answer. All I know is that you have a dark side, Caden, and that I need to get to know it better to see if I can handle it. Today, I was wondering if maybe we’re not mature enough and what it would be like if we hooked up in a few years. I wondered if it would work out better then, if it would be easier for me to deal with you if I was a little more stable myself.

But I’ve decided to stay here for now. I don’t know if I can handle that side of you. I fell in love with your other side, the side that was in my bed and held me when I was at my worst. That is what I hold on to. Carter said I shouldn’t forget how you can be simply because you briefly lost yourself. That was the first decent conversation he and I have had. And he can be so different than how he has been with me so far. He honestly loves you beyond all measure.

I listen for you, your car, your steps, anything, but there is nothing. So, I lie here and wait, barely moving, listening to the ticking clock in the kitchen. It is really loud.

My heart stops beating when headlights suddenly flood the living room.

I swallow and close my eyes. It can only be you two. I don’t know if you are truly calm, so I pretend to be asleep for now. That’s also why I’m not lying in your bed, but down here. The last few days I felt unwanted here and I have to find out if it has changed.

A car door slams. Strange, I thought you were out together, but there is only one and since I don’t hear the garage door slam, I believe it’s you, not Carter.

In the meantime, the front door opens and closes softly.

The house is eerily quiet. I barely hear your footsteps as you move through the house without turning on a light. My heart beats faster and faster while I wait. I pull my legs up under the blanket and try to reassure myself, trying to convince myself that I am not weak and stupid. It is a sign of strength that I am here because I am facing my fears, not ru

As slow, hesitant steps sound behind me, I frown in confusion. You never hesitate, Caden. I hear you inch closer and closer and then falter at the sofa. With one eye open, I see your silhouette and hear your relieved breathing. Goose bumps trickle over my body.

Were you truly afraid you had lost me?

I hear you pulling off your jeans. Shit, my pulse is racing because I can’t wait for you to hold me in your arms again. I feel so stupid yet I can’t help it.

After all, you’re doing something that I never dreamed possible. Carefully, you lie down next to me, nestle your chest against my back, and your legs against mine. Your arm firmly envelops me as you pull me against your body. Under your fingers, you must surely feel my racing heartbeat. As soon as I sink against your body, so big and warm, a wave of relief and serenity rolls over me. God, I am so happy to be in your arms again and I greedily soak up your scent. You stroke my hair with your nose. The smell of alcohol also invades my nose, but I don’t care as long as you hold me.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper in my hair and I shiver. Your voice sounds so different, a little hoarse, but not intentionally sexy, but rough and emotional, as if you truly mean it and feel remorse.

All of a sudden, it seems like nothing ever happened. All of a sudden, I feel safe and at home. I take your hand, interlock our fingers over my racing heart, and we fall asleep.

***

Carter

Fuck. I did it again. I held her. Yesterday, I pushed Melissa off me after Mom called and told me to come home because Caden was going crazy. I told Melissa that we shouldn’t do it again and today she’s back in my bed! How did it happen? Caden was a wreck. We were out and about and then we went our separate ways because we had things to do. Suddenly, I called Melissa when I was finished with everything and told her to come downstairs — we were going to my place.

I’m completely nuts. A moron!

What is wrong with me? Fuck, but she’s here and her naked ass is pressed against my dick.

It’s too early to get up for a Sunday, but I’ve slept enough Besides, I’m thirsty after all the pot and boozing with Caden yesterday.

It’s nine in the morning and Melissa is sleeping as deeply as she does when I have fucked her for days. Her hand is always somewhere on me and automatically clings to me. I loosen her grip a little. I do not enjoy that. I don’t like cuddling, holding hands, hair stroking, or chatting.

“I’ll be right back,” I whisper to her and she emits a grumpy sigh. Her black hair is spread out all over and she lies on her stomach in a thin muscle shirt of mine. She opens one of her blue eyes to check me out for a moment. I push myself out of the bed while she turns and sighs again.

I slip on a baggy pair of sweatpants without boxer shorts, splash my face with water in the bathroom, and brush my teeth before I leave the bedroom barefoot. I even lock the door behind me because I don’t trust Caden if he gets wind of her. He is not to be trusted in this respect and I don’t want him fucking with her head. Anyway, I’m starting to destroy her again. I’m a fool.

On the way into the house, I kick a pizza box from the last party to the side. It’s dead quiet. I hate it when Mom and Dad sleep longer than me because it’s not a good thing. It means they were up late, which is disgusting. They always do weird things when they stay up late. I didn’t see my little sister all day yesterday. Actually, I should check and see what she’s up to right now, but I’m so distracted, nothing will register anyway, and knowing her, she’d probably take advantage of it.

Heading for the refrigerator, I walk around the kitchen island and discover my brother and Alayna on the sofa and the corner of my mouth creeps upward. Yeah, okay, I like it when he is happy, OK? It’s not a crime.

The two of them are sleeping together in total harmony. Alayna’s back is snuggled trustingly against Caden’s chest and his arm holds her tight. She trusts him and he needs that, someone like me, who always believes in him. Just not me, but someone with breasts, like her. He needs someone who won’t let him go when he loses himself. That’s when you have to hold him the tightest. I appreciate that Alayna came back after my call. She has now finally passed my you’re-good-enough-for-my-brother test. No matter what we’ve been through with her, she doesn’t need to know as long as she stays with Caden because he has given her his heart and that should mean something to him.