Garden of Sins

22. How men solve it

Carter

While driving Melissa home, I tried to make her understand that it can’t work out between us. Caden still has too much influence over her and she’s at risk of completely losing her mind around him. That in the kitchen proved it.

She is convinced that this time it can work between us, but I am not convinced of anything.

The Melissa story was one of my biggest sins. Right after Danielle. Back then, we played the game with Melissa, which we are now playing with Alayna — although I have the feeling it is slowly coming to an end with Alayna because Caden has decided to keep her. Well, anyway, Melissa fell in love with me during this game, which Caden couldn’t handle. So, he made her bleed for it, in the truest sense of the word. He pulled some stunts that pushed the envelope in order to punish her and I didn’t want her to end up like Danielle.

So, I sent her away even though I felt something for her myself. And I have never forgiven Caden for that. It’s the one thing I still punish him for today.

When I return home, I feel so fucked up, I sit down on the porch steps in front of the house overlooking the well-kept front garden and the neighboring houses and breathe in the fresh, clean air. Cars drive by at irregular intervals and next door, those snotty kids are skipping rope. It is almost idyllic.

But, I will never want anything like that. It is nothing that attracts me or that I strive for. I only go to college because I had to do something since Dad was on my ass. But then I found out that he himself studied very late because he wanted to bum around, according to Granddad. So why am I not allowed to chill? And I wouldn’t even be idle because I have already found my calling. But Dad can never know about it or I’ll die. Caden also, on principle, because he’s always to blame for everything.

Now I sit here, still tasting Melissa’s tongue on mine. I fucked her again in her room before I left — while I was there. I know it’s not over yet, that she won’t give up now that she has had me again. It takes more than that to push her away. Just like last time. I did things to Melissa that no one who knows me can imagine. Slapped her ass with a belt? It’s ridiculous compared to that.

But she stayed.

Caden manipulated her and fucked her psyche.

And she stayed.

So much has happened, but now she’s back and I don’t know if I can ever push her way again because she can be persistent and I admit I like her, but it’s not worth ruining her life.

I hear the door behind me open and close. Even when I’m stoned all the time, my senses are always focused on my surroundings. For me, it is vitally important to always know what is going on around me when I am out at night.

A short time later, I realize it is Alayna who has joined me on the porch. Not that as well. If she asks me about Melissa and Caden now, I’ll freak out. My head is full of that shit anyway. Besides, there’s the subtle fact that Alayna is also involved in a game she doesn’t know anything about. And if she slowly catches onto us, which could very well happen because she is smart, then Caden will have no more Alayna. And then he’ll probably go crazy and who has to suffer the most? ME! Because I am his emotional garbage can.

Alayna sits down next to me. I suppress an a

She lights a cigarette and hands it to me without a word. This is the first cool thing that happens between us, except for the fucking she doesn’t know about. Maybe she isn’t bad after all even though she’s a

I take the cigarette and inhale deeply.

“Where is Caden?” I ask without looking at her because the pit bull won’t like this. With Alayna, it’s different than with the other women for him. The game doesn’t seem to be the most important thing anymore, but she is, and that has never existed before.

My forearms are supported on my thighs while my gaze sticks to the house across from us and I ponder all this.

“Upstairs,” she says softly. In the distance, a motorcycle roars and the snotty kids constantly scream as if they are being ski

“So, you can sit here with me? Are you sure about that?” I turn my eyes toward her and raise my eyebrows.

She stares ahead and seems thoughtful. Her hair is a little tousled and her cheeks are red. “I was just getting a drink when I saw you out here.”

And then dear Alayna thought that I, of all people, would prefer her presence. Okay, she’s not that bad, but I mean, as a matter of principle.

“So, are you back together? You and her?” Her gaze wanders to me and she looks at me questioningly. I know why she wants to know. She wants to know how Caden is involved and if her territory is in danger. I’ve noticed Alayna is possessive of my brother.

“I don’t know.” I shrug and take a drag of my cigarette. Honestly, I have no idea about anything. Actually, I would spontaneously say no, but I know Melissa is going to call me, that I’ll go there, I’ll fuck her, and the whole shit will start all over again. That’s my way, pull and push. That’s my favorite thing.

“Caden told me what happened,” Alayna says and I try not to laugh because I hit the mark.

“Really? Did he? What did he tell you?” Certainly not the truth or Alayna wouldn’t be here anymore. She’s not like Melissa. Caden wouldn’t love her if she were like Melissa. But I know instinctively that if Alayna finds out about all this, she won’t stay. And I don’t want to take the last thing Caden has left that’s holding his mind together. Right now, strangely enough, it’s Alayna and me, although it’s usually just me. And that’s a relief, I admit.

“He told me he was with Melissa and that you took her from him. He said she fell in love with you and chose you, and in the end, he was so angry, he couldn’t control himself anymore and did some nasty things, which is why she is so scared now,” Alayna sums up factually.

I can hardly suppress my snorting and my face grows expressionless, like Caden. He has twisted the truth to make me look like a jerk now, so Alayna can develop a healthy hatred for me because he is afraid the same thing will happen again. He would not be able to cope with losing Alayna, so he takes precautions. That is Caden as he lives and breathes.

“And you?” I ask i

“I don’t know,” she admits with a shrug and extremely cautiously. “I believe him. Why would he lie to me?” Out of the corner of her eye, she looks at me as if I am betraying my brother now. Never in my life. That’s the bitter thing about it all and why Caden and I sometimes threaten to devour each other. No matter what the other does, we protect each other.

I’m just about to say something casual and spontaneous when the door behind us falls into the lock. Alayna flinches and I immediately know it is Caden. It was only a question of time.