Garden of Sins

19. When you hold me, Caden

Alayna

Shit!

I have no idea what Carter was about to do. Is he nuts or what? But we’re standing on this jetty, he’s still holding my arm, and did he just look at me like he was about to fuck me? What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck is going on? And why am I so sick now?

“Alayna, come here!” I hear your soft, penetrating voice and pull my arm out of Carter’s grasp. Immediately, I move towards you. You are tense all over, your hands clenched. Your gaze is lethal. Why are you so charged now, Caden?

“I fucking told you to sit there and wait for me,” you say to me and I flinch. You really don’t talk to me like that.

I frown uneasily. “I merely wanted to get a drink!”

“Under Carter?” you ask mockingly.

What do you mean under Carter? “The fact that we ran into each was merely accidental.” What do you think? You think I’ve been seeing your brother behind your back? I have no interest in him. YOU are the one for me.

“It didn’t seem so accidental.” Your voice is hard and repellant.

Fuck, what’s happening? I don’t understand.

I sense that Carter is tense behind me, but he doesn’t come between us. It’s better that way.

“Come here,” you demand and I obey and edge a bit closer. You take my chin between your fingers and pull my head up so you can look at me better. My insides contract.

“Fuck, Alayna, are you fucking kidding me? Should I take you to his garage right now so he can give you a quick fuck?” you ask irritably and I grow even tenser. What are you saying?

“What are you insinuating?” I ask and pull my head from your grip. I really don’t like being called a slut, Caden. Because I’m not.

Your hard eyes fly over my face before turning your murderous gaze to your brother. And...are you perhaps insecure? You honestly believe I’d cheat on you?

“Caden, look at me.” The way you are eyeing your brother scares me. Your gaze shoots back to me. “I don’t want him. I want you. Always you. You were gone and I followed you. Carter knocked down a guy who was hitting on me. That’s why we were standing here. That’s it.” You look at Carter and flare your nostrils. I now take your chin between my fingers. Don’t you understand what you mean to me? “Look at me! It was nothing!” Now you seem to see me correctly for the first time. “I may be confused and a little drunk right now, but that’s it. And I just want to go home with you. Please.” You glance at your brother one more time, but your gaze comes straight back to me. “It will always be only you,” I whisper as I put a hand on your chest and feel your heart racing as I stand on my tiptoes to press my lips gently against yours. I ca

“I love you,” I whisper forcefully at your mouth because at this moment, it overwhelms me and it’s on my mind, as if I would die if I don’t say the words to you.

Because I feel it more strongly than ever before.

Now you are really looking at me.

“What did you just say?” you ask harshly. I won’t take my eyes off your face. This is one of the truest truths that ever existed and it feels so good to finally say it out loud. I’ve never said it to anyone before, but with you, it feels right. For the first time in my life.

“I love you, Caden Rush,” I repeat without taking my eyes off you.

“Fuck,” you curse softly, reach into my hair, and kiss me. Your lips are like a storm to which I succumb, sweeping everything away and upsetting me even more than I already am. My heart is racing. You pull me to you and your hot breath breaks at my lips. I smell you, your fragrance, which is so unmistakable and has attracted me so magically from the very first minute.

“Don’t ever leave me sitting anywhere alone again,” I whisper at your mouth. I grab you and kiss you again, fiercely and passionately, because I ca

When we separate after what feels like an eternity and we are both breathless, I snuggle up to you and press my forehead against your chest, soaking up your scent and closeness, and know all at once that nothing in my life will ever be more right than you, Caden Rush.

***

We are sitting in a cab because Carter wanted to stay and, quote: take care of Melissa, end quote. I don’t know what take care of means. And you, Caden, met with a mobster. I saw it. Is Melissa getting cement shoes now?

I give the cabbie my address and you look at me with a furrowed brow. “Isn’t that your home?” you ask because you know I don’t really want you there. But today, once I said what you mean to me out loud, I want you to know me. All of me. No more hide and seek because I belong to you and therefore, all the baggage I carry with me belongs to you. Enjoy it, Caden.

“I want to show you something,” I say, raising your arm and snuggling up to you as I wonder about the unseemly people you seem to be cozying up to, Caden.

You play with my hair, which I love. “What do you want to show me?”

“I told you I’m a little confused right now, I merely want to share something because I love you.” I can’t say it enough. “And I want to share everything with you because I trust you.”

You look down at me and I wonder what’s bothering you. I don’t like it. “You shouldn’t trust me, Alayna.” Again, I think about those shady characters, Caden.

“What?” I reply somewhat perplexed.

You grasp my face and stroke my lip with your thumb. In your eyes lies something indefinable. “I’m a bastard.”

“You’re not, Caden.” I stroke your cheek and sink into your turquoise ocean.

You snort. “You have no idea how I can be.”

“Like at the pool?” I ask with interest.

“Alayna, baby, I was nice then.” You look at me meaningfully. And yes, my God, okay, so you’re a bastard. What the hell.

“Anyway, I want to get to know all of you. Believe me, I can handle anything. I don’t care what you’re like.” I recall how intense you were during sex yesterday and how strange it was.

“That’s not what I mean!” you growl irritably and run your fingertips over my neck, as if you read my mind, where you can still see the marks left by your fingers even though I smeared makeup over them.

“Then what do you mean?” Somehow, the mood has changed between us and I am spellbound. You’re opening up to me and I don’t want to miss a second of it.

“If you’re lucky, you’ll never find out.” I frown and again, I see that silver shiny gun in my mind.

“Caden.” I look you carefully in the eye and speak softly so the driver can’t hear us. “Are you involved with the mob?” Because everyone in Chicago knows that XX is the mark of the de Lucas family. And they are Mafia. And they are the top of the heap. Not obvious, but you know these things when you’re a Chicago girl. I remember whom my mother always warned me about during her endless rants. Besides, XX is also sprayed on numerous walls and ca

You brush my hair over my shoulder and bend over to my ear. “Don’t ever ask me that question again, baby girl.” I shiver and my heart stops. For a moment, I’m breathless. You glide your lips over my tense jaw. “Don’t think about it.” Yet fear eats through me for a moment. I only hope you’re not in too deep. I hope you don’t get hurt. But under your lips, I relax a little, like I always do.