Garden of Sins

11. You will not leave me, Alayna

Caden

It’s eight in the morning and you slept twelve hours, Alayna. We already received an angry look from Dad yesterday because you were wasted and puked up all the alcohol before going to bed. Today is Sunday and we are going home again. Right now, we are sitting at the breakfast table and you are in top shape — no hangover, no nothing. You sit next to me and stare at your plate. Your hair falls across your face and you try to cope with what you think occurred. Carter sits across from us and cheerfully munches on his toast. You didn’t even look at him when you came down and you’ve been ignoring me all morning too.

“Feeling better, Alayna?” Dad asks with a frown. You flinch and raise your eyes. Normally, you’re not so easily frightened, but your senses are on high alert because I’m sitting next to you and yesterday, you finally realized that there’s something wrong with me.

“Yes, I am fine,” you reply mechanically, but I see you are not fine at all. My dad glares at me, then Carter, and then back to me because he knows I’m always the mastermind behind shit like this.

“We had a little pool party and drank whiskey,” I explain. “Alayna overdid it a bit and I put her to bed. That can happen.”

“She’s not allowed to drink alcohol yet, Caden!” Dad admonishes. “And neither can you!” Fu

“I’m fine, honestly,” you shout a bit louder and take a big sip of coffee. Doubtful, everyone stares at you. No one believes you. You are a bad liar.

Carter interrupts. “I don’t know anything. I went inside at some point because was too hot out there. I don’t even want to know what those two were doing.

Your head shoots up and you look at him inquiringly. I can see the wheels in your brain turning and rewinding the images from yesterday. The car ride today is guaranteed to be fun.

“You really don’t want to know exactly what we were doing at the pool, Carter.”

Ava makes a barfing sound and Mom says, “Enough already!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.” I take another sip of coffee, but I know Dad is still staring at me because he knows what I’m doing and what Carter is doing. And, because he doesn’t appreciate our mind games. Yeah, we may have sent Danielle to the loony bin, but everyone else is fine! I wouldn’t get too excited. She had serious mental problems before we got to her. She was unstable, depressed, and all that shit. But, Alayna, you are strong and made for us.

* * *

The top is up today because it rained as we drove home. Dad pushes the gas pedal so hard that Carter has no chance of catching up with him and he doesn’t even try. He is apparently in no hurry to get home. You sit in the back, Alayna, right behind Carter, staring out the window.

“Is something wrong, Alayna?” Carter finally asks, ripping you out of your reverie.

“No, I have a headache,” you reply angrily and I drop the back of my head against the backrest.

“What’s wrong with you? You’re so bitchy today. Not that I usually like you very much, but today you are especially loathsome,” Carter remarks.

“Why? What could possibly be the matter? Do you have any ideas, Carter?” Oh, you’re good, Alayna, but not as good as us.

“Are you on your period or something?” he asks, unimpressed.

“You’d ask that, wouldn’t you?” you hiss.

“What’s with her?” he asks me.

“I have no idea. What’s wrong with you, baby girl?” I look over my shoulder, but you’re only staring at my brother.

“Carter,” you address him directly, “weren’t you at the pool with us yesterday?”

“Yes?” he replies hesitantly, frowning.

You pull yourself up against his backrest and look into his face from between our seats. “And didn’t you put lotion on my back and undo my bikini top?”

“Yes, I’m not your wet nurse or whatever you call it,” Carter responds dismissively.

“Yeah, right! And then we had some whiskey and Caden made me...naked.” And you look at me because you hear for yourself how absurd it sounds.

“Yeah, whatever. I drank a glass with you because you were just pouring that stuff into you and then you started making out,” Carter explains.

“Honestly, baby, what are you talking about?” I ask and brush the hair behind your ear so I can see your face. “Are you okay?” I ask worriedly.

And you stare at me, confused again. “Caden, you made me lie naked on the lounge in front of Carter yesterday and he kissed me. There, I said it! YOU KISSED ME!” Your head whips over to him and he appears tense because normally, Alayna, you shouldn’t remember considering how much you drank.

“You say I kissed you? You are my brother’s girlfriend. I’m going to say this once more: You need to take care of this girl, Caden!” He gives me an incredulous look.

“I think so too!” I turn halfway back to you.

“Are you fucking with me, Alayna? I fucked you yesterday at the pool. Carter pulled down the blinds so he wouldn’t have to see us and he was inside,” I gently explain.

“That was Henry.” Confused, you blink.

“Henry? He left with the others. What are you talking about, Alayna?” I ask and eye you anxiously. In the process, I ignore the little tug that goes through me. It does not belong in my body.

You look at me intensely. Your eyes are shimmering green in the daylight. “We had sex by the pool, Caden?”

“Yeah...”

“And Carter repeatedly poured me drinks and put a joint in my hand.” You sound really insecure now and you look it. The pulling inside me grows stronger. What is this?

“What? It was me, Alayna! We drank and smoked a joint together and then I fucked you. You enjoyed it and you came and I came. Inside you,” I insist despite everything. I give you an indulgent look.

“Are you fucking with me?” Tears well up in your eyes and the tugging inside me grows even stronger.

“Baby.” I soften my voice. “It was the alcohol and the drugs, everything’s fine.” I take your hand and kiss your knuckles. You visibly push back the tears and look to me for help.

“I think I’m going crazy, Caden,” you whisper shakily and even Carter seems almost remorseful for a moment. Briefly. But fuck, I have no conscience, so I can’t feel it! Then what is that icy tug inside me when I see tears in your eyes?

“You aren’t. I’ll take care of you and with twins, it can be confusing sometimes, and all the stuff we pump into each other all the time... Maybe we should slow down a bit,” I say gently.

You nod, but then you pull your hand away from me, lean back, and stare out the window. That’s okay, Alayna. I didn’t think you’d believe all that. You won’t leave me no matter what I do, that’s what matters. And I shouldn’t really care what you believe. I shouldn’t care what you feel or if I destroy you. But for some reason, it isn’t like that.