Garden of Sins

“Tell me your weak spot. Yours or his. Something to keep him under control and to give you a little incentive. What about your parents, how important are they to you? You have a little sister, don’t you?” Something flashes in his sparkling eyes and the light of the desk lamp mystically illuminates him, just like the portrait of his father above him.

I find it hard to control my face, to not reach across the desk and do something rash. My family stops me. “Our parents don’t give a damn about Carter right now, besides, no, my family stays untouched, that was the deal.”

“Oooh,” he grins slightly. “All right, all right, don’t get upset.”

I relax a bit and wait.

“Anyone else, Caden Rush?”

I grind my teeth and breathe deeply through my nose. Obviously, I can’t tell him who Carter’s weak spot is. That’s his future daughter-in-law. And I know he knows my weak spot. Alayna, he probably knows everything about you and that’s why I sent you away. I knew this would happen one day. Vito believes we’re not working at full capacity. Neither of us is here with all our hearts and that’s what they really want.

“You’re taking awfully long to think about it.” He taps his pen on the desk. “Anyone in particular in mind? Maybe her?” Vito de Luca slides a photo from under his keyboard across the desk with one finger.

Fuck, baby.

It’s us.

It’s old and seeing it hurts. We were at the snack bar at the lake in an area owned by Vito, which no normal citizen knows about. My hand is on your hip and my nose is buried in your hair — damn, I was so addicted to your scent. I don’t want to see this photo because it brings everything back, reminding me how much I miss you and how empty my life is without you.

“I have another picture of her.” He pulls another out from under his keyboard, but it’s fairly recent.

Everything inside me knots up and I suddenly feel sick. I can’t hide it. You’re sitting on a porch in an unfamiliar red summer dress with cherries on it reading a book. Your hair is darker and you have it braided.

Fuck.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

“So alone in hot Kentucky. That is not good,” Vito mumbles as I stare at the picture. I can barely keep my fingertips from touching your face. Instead, I wrap my hands firmly around the armrests. This is not good. I try to appear disinterested and put on my best poker face.

For you.

“She’s my ex. The one in the photo is me. She now lives in Kentucky with her father. We are no longer in contact. That’s it, she’s not important,” I lie as I have never lied before and look him in the eye again.

“Good! I already knew it was you in the picture. I appreciate it when you are honest with me. So that she is unimportant apparently only rings true for your brother.” Vito watches me with interest, keeping his eyes on me. I feel increasingly nauseous.

“So now I’m going to tell you what you’re going to do as you won’t do it voluntarily since you don’t care about her.” I breathe in and out slowly. “You’re going to take the jet and go on a little weekend trip without your brother. I’ll keep him busy. You go to Kentucky on Friday. You have 24 hours.” His face gets serious all of a sudden. “Then you come back here with her.”

I can’t speak because my throat has closed up and my stomach is in knots. Fuck, Alayna.

“I hope you will prove yourself loyal.” He plucks imaginary fluff from his sleeve. “You can go now. You can collect your money from John. And take care of that damned accountant. Now, get out of here.” He waves me off.

As if on autopilot, I rise and stiffly leave the office. My chest is tight. I can’t breathe and I want to freak out like Carter and smash something. I don’t even care about the weekly wage, but I have to pick up the money. Anything out of the ordinary attracts attention and we can’t afford that anymore.

So I follow my routine.

Right now, it’s all that’s left.

I want to scream. My mind is racing. What can I do to prevent that? What can I do to protect you? Was it really all for nothing? I sent you away so you’d be safe, now I have to go get you.

Everything inside me trembles and rebels. Everything within me threatens to collapse. You’ve probably built a life in the sunshine by now, a life free from my darkness. I only wanted the best for you. I wanted you to be happy. And now I have to drag you down with me again?

I hate this, Alayna. I hate this house. I hate that man in the office. I hate that I can’t find my way out. I hate that I must bring you to these monsters, but I know I have no way out. Either that or Vito de Luca will hurt my brother. I can’t let that happen and that’s why I hate myself most of all, baby girl.