Garden of Sins

48. Epilog

Toward disaster, Isabelle

Note by the authors: We are emphatically against drug abuse. Drugs destroy lives! The story line is completely fictitious. Violence, drug consumption, and contempt for women are an absolute no-go! At least in reality! Fortunately, this is a book.

And from here it gets really dark.

So! If you’re squeamish, don’t like dark romance or could be offended, put this book away. NOW.

But if you want to look into the true abysses of the human psyche, then let yourself go – and dive in. Into our world of the Mafia…

Carter

I look in the mirror, Isabelle. Today is Christmas and I will plunge into my ruin.

Today is the feast of love. We have always celebrated Christmas on a grand scale. Mom decorates the whole house every year and bakes cookies that she has to throw away because they burn. And on Christmas day, we always go to Granddad’s.

That’s not going to happen this year.

This year I will give up everything I was and everything I am. I’m going to become a new person, Isabelle, and join a new family.

I crack my neck, reach for a black shirt from the endless pile of black shirts, and put it on before I close the open belt on my jeans of the same color.

Two more months have passed, two months in which I continued looking for you, but you don’t want to be found so I will march directly into the house you fled because we both know you can’t run forever, princess.

I never believed anyone in the world could mean as much to me as you do in such a short time. I just can’t get you out of my head and I have honestly tried. You are stuck in my head and in my heart. In my whole system. It doesn’t seem to work properly without you. I never wanted to give so much power to a woman and yet it happened.

My brother has also cut all ties now. He has let Alayna go — for good. And because my brother is playing it safe in all matters, he has sent her out of the state. Because, and yes, he is right, everything you love is a weakness that can be used against you and I would never want Alayna to be used by the mob against Caden if he made a mistake because those are their usual methods. Caden wouldn’t have taken this step either if he hadn’t known Alayna was safe. Now she is gone and he is no longer Caden. He has cut all ties and surrendered to his monster. I am the only one who can still get through to him, otherwise, no one has a chance anymore. Not even Mom.

Cut all ties.

That’s what you have to do to work for this family.

Since last night, Dad knows that today is the day that we will officially complete the initiation rite. At 6:00 pm, when everyone is sitting with their families at di

I brush my hair and look at myself again. Today, I didn’t shave or otherwise make any effort to look presentable. Why should I?

I put on a black hoodie over my shirt and reach for my leather jacket, which I put on.

With squared shoulders, I finally turn away and cross my bedroom. Next to the bed, I squat and pull out my gun with two fingers. At home, I have to hide it, obviously.

I slip it into the back of my waistband as I stand up and roll my shoulders to release the tension.

As I sit on the bed and pull on my boots, I let my gaze wander across the room once more. It is hard to imagine that I will probably never return here. I have experienced so much here. Here, I have si

Exhaling heavily, I rise and stiffen. There’s no point in indulging in things, memories, and what I feel when I imagine leaving them behind forever. I simply have to focus and function.

So, I straighten up again because my shoulders sagged forward and I start moving.

Silently, I leave my bedroom and close the door behind me one last time. It clicks and with that click, I close a door inside me. Behind it, everything that I love remains.

One last time, I descend the dark spiral staircase. Caden is sitting on my couch smoking a cigarette, ready to go. He is also dressed in black and that is a rare sight because he prefers lighter colors. He is wearing a black coat with the collar turned up.

As I get closer, he looks at me with dull, turquoise eyes and stubs out half a cigarette in the ashtray with two fingers.

We will just do this now. No feelings. This is easier for Caden than for me. I know that. That’s why I’m just going to stick with him.

My brother stands up and his always-scrutinizing gaze wanders over my figure.

There’s not much to see with either of us at the moment, Isabelle, just two empty shells filled with darkness.

“Ready?” he asks roughly.

I slowly nod and try to tell myself over and over again that we are doing the right thing. This is what I live for, Isabelle. I am not made for the light.

Caden also nods before he turns away and I follow him through the open garage door.

While my brother is walking to the car without looking back, I turn to my garage again and grab the handle of the door.

As I close it, everything that defines me disappears, little by little, into the darkness behind it, and the door bangs as it hits the ground.

I exhale forcefully and turn away; otherwise, I will never make it. My stomach knots up, but I ignore it.

No feelings.

Caden is waiting for me and when I catch up with him, we continue on our way together.

Through the slushy snow that covers the gravel, we walk to his car and leave the exact same footprints in the brownish discolored mass under our shoes.

With everything I have, I stop myself from looking at the house. I inhale the icy air that also wraps around my knuckles.

Caden unlocks his white BMW before he opens the door and just sits behind the wheel. It is good if he is currently holding the wheel in his hand because he is thinking straight.

I sink down next to him and the closing of our doors echoes across the street. Mom’s fairy lights sparkle in the darkness and illuminate us with a red glow. I swallow hard and grind with my teeth.

Caden’s gaze glides to me before he presses the start button. His eyes ask, Are you certain?

I nod.

“Okay,” he whispers and shifts the car into drive. My chest constricts as I peer out the side window and inadvertently spy Dad at the kitchen window. He is rigid from head to toe. His expression is hard. I clench my hands and resist the urge to go in and say goodbye to him. I ca

He furiously yanks back the curtain as Caden speeds out of the driveway with squealing tires and we leave everything behind. Everything but us, Isabelle.

I think we’re dead to my father.

And that’s just as well. Good for him. It’s good for everyone we care about.

* * *

We drive past huge, partially empty buildings in the industrial area in the southern district where many streetlights are broken or merely flicker.