Garden of Sins

45. The men of the family, Emilia

Mason Rush

Oh, Emilia, I do not know what to think of all this. I’m laying in our basement, baby, and yes, I’ve been fixing up the basement of this house for us. We need a place to retreat from all the bullshit around us. When I need to think, I always go down here.

And now I need to think, Emilia, but I’m not going to tell you what the reason for my i

Disempowered, I groan and bury my face in my hands. Carter is on the road again. I saw him drive away. Caden is upstairs in his attic room. I have to say, I hate that little devil sleeping right above my head, especially when he is in a relationship or whatever you want to call it with him. Emilia, why did you plan this? Why did you and Mom have to play architect and remodel this place? We should have just locked them up in a barn somewhere down south where they could be kept away from society.

And then there’s Ava. She was actually always my golden girl until she became a woman. I don’t like this, Emilia. I don’t know exactly what’s going on with her right now because the twins have always required 100% of our attention and Ava has had to take a back seat. Also, I know Caden often covers for his little sister, but only if he can benefit from it.

I never thought it would be so hard to raise children, Emilia, but it is, as you know. You try to meet their demands, you try to be fair, but you can’t guess which way they’re going, those little shits. It was clear that Caden and Carter were not going to be typical and study and then work like two normal people. Carter loves the underground far too much: the dirt, the darkness, the ruin, the brute force. And Caden would follow his brother anywhere because the two need each other. They are almost essential for each other. I know Caden often seems insensitive and cold and I know Carter often seems unrestrained and inconsiderate, but I also know how they really are, Emilia, because they have your heart, baby.

Caden has many of my father’s traits. He’s complex and often overwhelmed by what’s going on inside him. He then switches to that certain mode, which is where he makes everyone around him suffer because he is suffering. He is manipulative and without his brother, he lacks heart. Without Carter, he is a calculating block of ice and vice versa. Without Caden, Carter goes from one shit storm to the next because he does not think, Emilia. After all, Carter is like me.

I sink backward and stare at the ceiling. I wish I hadn’t learned what I learned today when one of my FBI colleagues entered my office, immediately giving me the-don’t-freak-out look. When he said, “Sit down, Mason,” I knew my life would only get worse. But I couldn’t avoid it and of course, I asked him what the hell was going on. Then he spread out pictures in front of me. Pictures, Emilia, pictures that will plunge all of our lives even deeper into shit. Pictures of Carter and Caden that I would have preferred not to see. It makes me sick just thinking about them.

We’ve been working on this big case for five years now where we’re after the bosses of the underground scene. Naturally, we have lists and pictures of everyone involved on display boards for a better overview that show the hierarchy. From today on, I should actually put two more pictures right below the de Luca clan.

Pictures of my own sons.

“Fuck,” I whisper and rub my face in exhaustion. I don’t know what to do, Emilia, now that I’ve learned how involved Caden and Carter really are in this shit. Not even I dared to go that deep back then. I was always turning the corner because I had you. You always called me back like a siren. But there are no sirens for these two. They already are themselves. They lure each other further and further into the darkness. One follows the other. It’s a vicious circle.

Caden had a good replacement for Carter. Alayna was good for him, but that girl had already been through too much, Emilia. That girl was already too broken inside and couldn’t stand up to a man like Caden right now. Maybe one day. I wish it for my son because she really loved him. Sometimes, but you know this, baby, it’s just not the right time for two people.

I haven’t told Dad about what I learned today, but I wonder if he doesn’t already know because he usually knows everything, just like Caden.

My father wasn’t at work today and I didn’t call him either because I have no idea how to explain it to him without losing my mind.

I know exactly who the people are that Carter and Caden currently call their family. And I don’t mean us. Now it also makes sense why they are always mysteriously disappearing at night. Was there anything I could have done? There was, but I didn’t because I always thought they were smart enough to find their own way even if it took them a little longer. I thought they wouldn’t take that last step into the abyss because I came out by myself since I did not dare take that step.

Dad also gave me the freedom to do what I wanted to do when I was down because he trusted me even though I was such a little idiot. I also trusted them in this respect, at least Caden, to keep him and his brother out of the biggest shit.

But he did not. He took a ru

And there were other pictures that don’t make it any better, pictures taken of Carter over the last few weeks when he was missing. Carter and the little dark-haired girl I know too, of course. Isabelle Marino. She is Massimo Marino’s runaway daughter who is engaged to Dorian de Luca. They’re all Mafiosi, Emilia. Even Isabelle Marino. And Carter spent time with her. I have no idea if Carter knows who he was sharing his bed with over the last few weeks, but if he’s in as deep as he appeared to be in the pictures, he knows very well what he’s done and what the consequences will be when this little affair comes to light.

I hear your footsteps on the stairs. You are not as hesitant as you used to be. They sound like you’re pissed off, probably because I’m not in bed. I know you don’t like that, baby.

Not a minute later, you’re standing in front of me. You’re wearing a fluffy black bathrobe and your hair of the same color is messy, which is what I love the most. You seem so tired, you can’t even keep your eyes open properly, and yet, you don’t sleep because you need me next to you. Oh, I need you too, baby, believe me. However, lying next to you right now would mean that I’d have to tell you what’s going on because you know something is troubling and tiring me. Then, I’d have to tell you and hurt you, and you may not believe it, but I don’t want to hurt you.

“What are you doing here, Mason?” you sleepily ask and yawn. I put my hands on your thighs and pull you between my legs. When I touch you, everything doesn’t feel so bad anymore. I wrap my arms around your legs and lean my throbbing forehead against your stomach.

“Be quiet, Emilia,” I reply, tormented, and rub your skin, absorbing your soothing scent.

You run your hands through my hair and I breathe deeply. It feels so fucking good. Still. Always. “What’s wrong, baby?” you ask softer now.

I can’t tell you, Emilia. You’d go crazy and it would rip your heart out. Our sons are in the mob. Okay, I knew Carter would eventually lose his way and I was ready to catch him, but I honestly thought Caden wouldn’t let himself be carried away. With the mind he has, he could’ve been anything. Anything. I keep wondering how they ended up with the de Lucas. Why? How? Who?