Rustic Hearts

Sophie

 

“You have a call on line one. Someone named Doe. Who the hell names their child Doe?”

My chest seizes as Charlotte’s voice comes through the intercom.

“It’s my aunt Doreen. My father’s older sister. I used to call her Aunt Doe when I was little.”

“Oh,” she says in surprise. “You want me to get rid of her?”

I haven’t spoken to anyone in my father’s family since I was a kid. They’re practically strangers now. Just faded memories.

Something must have happened for her to reach out now.

Momentary fear hits me. What if it’s Daddy?

“No, I’ll take it. Just give me a minute and send her through.”

“Okay, I’ll give you two.”

I take a few deep breaths and give myself a quick pep talk before the line rings, and I answer, “Hello?”

“Sophie,” she says my name on a small sob.

“Hi, Aunt Doe.”

“How are you, baby girl?”

“Not a baby girl anymore. It’s been a long time. What can I do for you?”

“I know. Too long. I’m hoping to remedy that though. We need you to come home, sweetheart.”

Home. For so many years, all I wanted to do was go home. But now, this is home. New York is home.

“I’m assuming you mean Colorado.”

“Yes. Your grandma Lancaster passed away this morning. It would mean a lot to Pop and us if you could come home for the service.”

My grandma was a huge part of my childhood. I loved her with all my heart. She taught me how to bake cookies and braid my hair.

Grief hits me. Unexpected pain. I mourned the loss of my family a long time ago. I thought I was past it.

“I don’t know, Aunt Doe,” I whisper over the line.

“Sophie, it’s time to come home and face your father and work this out. Don’t you think?”

“Why should I go to him? He knows where I am. He’s always known where I am. Not once in all these years has he come looking for me.”

“It has to be you, sweetheart. He’s a stubborn, old coot. He wants to see you, Sophie. He doesn’t know how to reach out.”

I snort. “Of course he does. He’s a grown man. A grown man with a happy family from what I’ve been told.”

“A grown man with an incomplete family and a broken heart.”

I sniffle across the line. I don’t believe a word she’s saying.

“A broken heart? He threw us away. He threw me away because of them. He wanted them instead of us.”

“Oh, Sophie, honey, you only know the part of the story you were told, but it’s not the whole story.”

“Really? What am I missing, Aunt Doe? Because, from where I’m sitting, it looks like my mother caught him having an affair with one of the ranch hands’ sisters, and when she confronted him, he told her to get out. Then, he proceeded to marry the woman, the two of them raised her niece and nephew, and he forgot all about us. Am I right so far?”

“That’s not the whole story or the entire truth.”

“You know what? It doesn’t even matter anymore. I’m okay now. I’m no longer the shattered twelve-year-old, waiting for him to call or show up. He’s had twenty years to clear up anything that he needed to. Twenty years of missed birthdays and holidays and school events and graduations. He’s missed my entire life.”

“I know he has. And that is a regret he will have to live with for the rest of his days. But, sweetheart, I don’t want something to happen to him or to you and for the two of you to never have the conversation you need to have. Besides, Pop and Aunt Ria and I are getting old, and we want to see our girl. At least once more. Come home for Gram’s funeral. Please, Sophia.”

She’s laying it on thick. Exactly the way I remember her.

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask. The service is scheduled for next weekend. We’ll have the will reading after, and Gram’s attorney asked for you to be present for that as well. Book a flight and call me. You can stay here at the house. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too.”

And I have. I forgot just how much until I heard her voice again.

I hang up and then sit and stare at the phone. Hurt that I thought I was well past starts to prick at my heart.

When my mother stole away with me in the middle of the night all those years ago, I knew my daddy would come for me. Even once we got to New York, I waited for him. Every day. But he never came.

After about a year of me asking to call him and begging to go home, Mom broke the news that he was marrying someone else and that he was moving a new family into our home and didn’t want us anymore. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t believe it for a very long time. But he never came, so I accepted it and boxed up all that hurt and all those memories of my life in Colorado, placed them in a compartment in my heart, cemented it closed, and tried not to think of him or the ranch ever again.

I hear a soft knock, and then Charlotte’s head peeks around the door to my office.

“Are you okay?”

I swipe at the tears falling down my cheeks and nod. “I’m fine. Just assaulted by a bunch of memories that I’ve been trying to forget since I was twelve. I guess the wounds are just as fresh. Stupid.”

“It’s not stupid.” She comes and sits in the chair across from me. “What made her call all of a sudden?”

“My gram died.”

“Oh, Sophie, I’m so sorry.”

I shrug. “She died, and I never got to tell her how much I loved her and how much I appreciated all she had done for me when I was little. I should’ve called her. I just didn’t. I don’t even know why.”

Just because Daddy didn’t want me anymore didn’t mean I had to shut everyone out. I guess it just made it easier to pretend as if none of them existed.

“I’m sure she knew, and I’m sure she loved you too.”

“Aunt Doreen wants me to come home for the funeral and the will reading.”

She folds her hands and places them on the desk close to mine. “Maybe you should,” she says carefully.

I look up at her. “You think so?”

“Yeah, I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? You find that your dear ole dad has this great family and life and doesn’t want to have anything to do with you? You already think that, so what?” She shrugs.

“You think I want to witness it?”

“No, but what if you’re wrong, Soph? What if he misses you and has all these years? What if he wants to be a part of your life? Don’t you think it’s worth a shot? You walk around, acting like you don’t need anyone, especially a man in your life. You sabotage every single relationship. Just like you did with Alex. You freaked out on him when he applied to college. Like he was abandoning you. He wanted you to consider moving with him or doing the long-distance thing for a while, but you jumped ship the moment he mentioned Boston and wouldn’t allow him to explain.”

I sit there and absorb what she said in silence.

“I get it. I do. And if you were single because you wanted to be, fine, but you are because you’re scared of needing a man or loving one too much and being let down again. You make every single guy in your life pay for what your dad did, and that’s not fair. Until you face it head-on, you’re always going to fear being loved. I don’t want that for you. I mean, the worst that could happen is, he doesn’t want you. But maybe, just maybe, what you find in Colorado will surprise you. You owe it to yourself to find out.”

“What about work? We’re just starting to get busy.”