Ugly girl

Shaylee turns back to where Blake had just exited my room and a fondness creeps over her features. “Oh, good. He seems like a good kid.”

“The best kid,” I correct.

“So, he made some friends today? Was everything alright with his coach and getting what he needs for the team?”

I shrug my shoulders. “I guess. He would have mentioned if he had any major problems, but he’s pretty independent. When it comes to Blake Daniels, his problems are his own. Unless it's important he'd never ask for help. Though things might start changing for him now that we don’t have the same kind of financial backing that came with our old life. I don’t know. I think he’ll be alright though. I worry about him.”

“I know you guys are different from the children I once knew all those years ago, but from where I’m standing, you’re both incredibly strong. Blake can handle himself. I don’t think you need to worry about him.”

“I know,” I sigh, glancing away. “Old habits die hard, I guess.”

Shaylee presses her lips into a tight line and nods, giving me a moment to collect my thoughts. “What about you?” she questions softly, leaning against the doorframe. “How’d your first day go? Did you run into any problems?”

Slade’s face instantly flashes through my mind and I do my best not to let my disdain show. “Nothing I can’t handle,” I grumble under my breath, mostly to myself.

A heavy sigh comes from Shaylee, and I could be wrong but it almost sounded heartbroken. She pushes off the doorframe and welcomes herself into my room. She perches herself on the end of my bed, right where Blake had been two minutes ago. “You don’t have to do that, you know? You don’t have to hide, not here. You can talk to me if there’s something you’re struggling through.”

I look away, unsure of how to react in this situation. The home life I had growing up was not rainbows and flowers. My ‘parents’ never taught me how to communicate in this way and I honestly don’t know what to do about it.

Instantly, I go into shut down mode. I curl in on myself as a wave of awkwardness comes over me. “I’m sorry,” Shaylee murmurs, seeing my obvious freak out. “I just wish we could find that carefree, loving relationship that we had when you were a little girl.”

I look away with a cringe. “I…I’m sorry, but I don’t remember it.”

Shaylee’s eyes drop to the ground. “No need to be sorry,” she tells me. “You were only four years old and already had the weight of the world on your shoulders. I don’t expect you to remember much from that time.”

Her words have that familiar nausea creeping up on me just as it does every time I’m thrown back into the past and see the images of my parents drowning in their own blood. As if not noticing my i

“There was no saving us,” I say bluntly. “No one could have saved us, not even God himself.”

“Sky,” Shay says, hurt. “I’ll never be able to apologize enough. You and Blake went through so much, but all we can do now is help you two move forward. I honestly wish there was more we could do for you. I don’t know…somehow help you heal. I just wish you would give me some sort of clue as to how we can do that. You’re so closed off with such a chip on your shoulder. I wish you’d open up to me so I can help you get through this.”

“No one can help me, Shay. The things I’ve been through…you’d never be able to relate. How could you possibly help me?”

“That’s what I’m asking you,” she challenges. “Anything you need, all you have to do is ask and I’ll be there to help make this easier.”

I sit in silence, struggling to sort through the thousands of torturous thoughts rushing through my mind and making a scrambled mess. Shaylee leans forward and takes my hand and I can’t help but look down at her on my bed. Her eyes—so much like my mom's— are brimming with unshed tears and her pain threatens to tear me apart.

“I get it,” she tells me, fighting against the lump in her throat. “You’re not ready for this, not ready to open up and share yourself with the world, but let me help you.”

“I don’t know how,” I insist, fighting against my own tears. “If I knew how to make this better, knew how to make this pain go away, I would have done it a long time ago.”

“I know,” she tells me. “Believe me, I wish I had some kind of secret formula to give you to make this all okay, but I can’t. Why don’t we start small? I know I can’t relate to you about your parents and the hell you’ve been through over the past thirteen years, but I do know what it’s like being seventeen and in high school. So, tell me about that.”

I study her for a long moment, wondering why I’m finding it so hard to suck in a decent breath. Why does my chest hurt like this? “I…I don’t know,” I tell her, terrified of making any sort of co

I want to trust her. I want to be able to let go of this pain and finally open myself up to the possibility of a future, family, and love, but for now, it’s just me and Blake against the world, just as it’s always been.

“That’s okay,” she tells me, giving my hand a squeeze. “It’s too soon, you’ve only been here a week, but just know that I’m not going to stop trying.”

“I don’t want you to.”

A soft smile brightens her face and the features that remind me so much of my mom. “One of these days, you’re going to realize that you have the whole world at your feet, just like Blake and it’s going to be such a joy to watch.” The tears finally drop from her eyes and she hastily wipes them away. “Crap, I promised myself that I wasn’t going to cry. I want to be strong for you, Skylah, because you deserve nothing less.”

“It’s okay to cry,” I tell her. “You’re only human.”

“Aren’t I supposed to be the adult here?”

I shrug my shoulders. “I was forced to grow up quickly.”

Shaylee sighs to herself. “I wish I knew the horrors that you’ve been through, Sky.”

I don’t answer but it’s not like she was expecting me to. “Okay,” she says, getting up from my bed. “If you’re sure you don’t want to talk, then I might go and work out what I’m going to make for di

I nod and with one more tight smile, Shaylee slips out of my bedroom and gently closes the door behind her.

The second the door clicks into place, intense loneliness sweeps over me. Tears begin to fall and I collapse down onto my bed, smooshing my face into my pillow. I search within for that hatred and anger that I felt when dealing with Slade Cruz at school today as clinging onto those feelings is a shitload easier than feeling the pain and turmoil that comes to haunt me whenever my parents and past are mentioned.

The pain begins to fade as I allow the war with Slade to overtake my mind and just like that, I realize that Slade Cruz is going to be the new shining star of my life, at least until I find someone or something else that can help dull the ache that resides inside my soul.