Follow the River

“We won’t,” I say, swallowing gravel as the words come out. “I don’t want to lose you either. Not when I know what it’s like to have you.”

River leans back and looks into my eyes, his own full of so many emotions it would take me a thousand years to name them all. “You have me. You will always have me. Until every star in the night sky burns out. And maybe even then.”

I smile sadly at him, knowing he means those words right now. Knowing always coincides with forever in his vocabulary. And he’s anything but a liar.

But we live in a reality where lies spill from our lips disguised as the truth with our knowledge or not. “You don’t need to say that, Abhai

“What do you mean?”

His fingers grip mine tighter, as if to ground himself to me. As if he knows the words about to leave my lips will be harder to hear than any insult I ever threw his way. “You’ll meet someone. Someone who makes your heart pound in your chest, and whether it’s a guy or a girl, if they’re the right one for you, they won’t force you to be someone you aren’t. They won’t attempt to shove you back into the closet. And when that happens, this will all become a distant memory.” Rubbing my thumb against the backs of his knuckles softly, I sigh. “A happy one, I hope. But a memory nonetheless.”

I can tell from his silence he’s taking my words and letting them run rampant in his mind, trying to decode them and find hidden meaning where there is none.

“Hey,” I whisper, catching his chin in my hand, his rough stubble scraping against my fingers, “I’m not saying that as a bad thing. We both know what we signed up for with this. It’s run its course, but that’s okay. Being stuck here with you has been the most enjoyable five weeks of misery I’ve ever had.”

And if that ain’t the irony of it all.

I thought coming to this cabin with River, being forced into cohabitating with him would be my own personal hell. And for a while, it was. But the day I thought he left me here, when I couldn’t find him for hours, it was more than fear that clawed at my skin. The panic that set in also ground something into my soul when it came to him. And whatever the hell it was, it changed me, even if I didn’t realize it at the time.

“Are you tired?” he whispers, craning his neck to look up at me with those eyes that twist my heart into knots every time I stare into their depths.

“No,” I murmur. “Are you?”

He shakes his head before leaning up, searching for my mouth. “Do you want to go to bed?” he asks, his lips brushing faintly across my own.

I nod, wanting the chance to be with him one last time before this is over for good.

We move quickly to the bedroom, removing each other’s clothing with lightning speed along the way. I don’t know who ends up on the bed first or who is in charge right now. All I know is our bodies tangle together on the bed in frenzied passion while we touch and lick and bite at each other, desperate for time to slow down so this moment never has to end.

“What do you want, Riv?” I pant against his mouth, stroking his cock while his hand travels a lazy path down my chest.

“I want you inside me,” he utters, his eyes lifting to mine. “I need it.”

I bite my lip and smirk, not about to argue even though…I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping he wanted to take the lead tonight.

Something I never would have thought I’d desire even a few short weeks ago when we started sleeping together.

I don’t waste time after that though, lubing my cock before sliding into him bare.

It’s the best feeling I’ve ever experienced, being inside him with no barrier separating us. I became addicted to it that first morning in the shower, desperate for more of it. I don’t know how I managed to ever hold out as long as I did.

Part of me hates myself for it. Knowing there could have been the extra days of this with him if I hadn’t been such an asshat.

Sliding in and out slowly, I shift his hips to get the best angle to hit him deep. Thrust after long, leisurely thrust has River squirming beneath me, frantic for me to pick up my pace. I can see it in his eyes, his body language.

But I can’t bring myself to do it. That will only make it end sooner when all I want is to stay buried inside him for the rest of my life.

Because this isn’t just sex anymore. It’s not the pure, unfiltered lust it was a few weeks ago.

No, what we’re doing right down is nothing short of melding our bodies together at a slow, torturous simmer. Worshipping and adoring every single inch of each other in every way possible.

With lips. Tongues. Hands.

As our bodies move together, fused as close as humanly possible, we’re also laying out the cards on the table for the other to see.

The vulnerability. The pain. The passion. The fear.

The love.

Rolling my hips, hitting the spot inside him that drives him mad with desire, I pull back to look down at him. His eyes are closed, lips parted slightly as soft pants slip through them with each thrust I make.

“Look at me, Abhai

When his eyes open, they reveal the deepest shade of teal I’ve ever seen.

“Give me it all. Fucking everything.”

And he does.

Grabbing my head with both hands, he pulls me down over him, his tongue lashing at mine inside my mouth before I can think. Melding with mine like it was created for that sole purpose.

We’re a mess of tongues and teeth and sweat and love when we’re both close to finishing. And when I stroke him through his climax, the way his ass clenches around my cock has me following right behind, spilling deep inside him.

I glance down at him, my chest heaving with effort as he wipes the glossy sheen of sweat on his forehead.

Fuck me, he’s so goddamn sexy.

Sensual and perfect.

And he’s mine.

My brain screeches to a halt at the thought.

No, he’s not mine.

Not really. That’s not part of our agreement.

Because it would never work out between us.

The pieces of who we are as people don’t fit. It’s more than a square peg and a round hole. Everything about who we are as people doesn’t work. We’re opposites in all ways that matter when it comes to forming lasting relationships.

The most important being he knows how to form them.

And me…?

I’ve never had anyone who wanted to stay long enough to try to make one.

Pulling from his body, I kiss him harshly before grabbing his hand and leading him to the shower, where I proceed to clean every inch of him.

Not with just the water, but with my lips and tongue.

Once we’re clean, I drag him back into his bed, the bed we’ve made ours since the first night I slipped inside it to hide from my nightmares in the safety of his presence.

How the fuck I’m going to live without that again, I’m not sure.

River curls into my side, our legs tangled together beneath the sheets and soon enough, his breathing evens out into deep steady breaths. A sign sleep has overtaken him.

But I just lie here, not tired in the least.

How can I be when every second I spend asleep tonight is one less I’ll have awake with him?

My want, my need for him, it’s consumed all I am.

It has from the very moment he pulled me to the edge of the cliff and forced me over into a freefall I never wanted to take. Even though it was the very thing I needed.