Follow the River

We leave tomorrow.

And it’s honestly the most sobering realization in the entire fucking world.

I think neither of us want to leave. I know I don’t want to.

Living here at this escape from the real world has been like our own little paradise. Once we got past the bullshit, that is. But we do have to leave, so we decide to make our final day here as just the two of us as memorable as possible.

The day started with eating breakfast on the porch, even if it was cold as shit. We didn’t care, simply lit a fire in the pit on the deck and curled up in blankets together while devouring the best fucking breakfast burritos I’ve ever tasted. I swear, the thing I might miss most about waking up in a house with River is his breakfast skills.

Okay, that’s not true. I’m also going to miss waking up with my cock in his mouth and the copious amounts of sex we’ve been having.

But after that, I’m going to miss the food the most. The guy’s cooking rivals what I remember of my father’s.

Then we spent a couple hours back in bed, to no one’s surprise.

By that time, it was nearly lunch, so we packed some sandwiches, thermoses of hot chocolate, and blankets for a hike up to the lake overlook. The same one I painted and gave to River.

And it was perfect. Everything I could have asked for on our last day out here.

Now it’s after dark and we’re lying in the hammock River was desperate to set up for us, though it’s not very comfortable with two six-foot plus football players in it.

But I don’t care. The second he said he wanted to look up at the stars, saying it was how he always liked to spend his last night in the mountains, I caved.

I always seem to be caving when it comes to him.

And then he said something, I swear to God, I’ll remember until the day I die.

Staring up at the night sky, it’s the best way to remember we are so much smaller than we make ourselves out to be.

And the second he shut off the exterior lights and I looked up, I understood. I felt it, deep in my core.

So here we are, curled up under a pile of blankets and a sleeping bag rated for thirty below because it’s fucking freezing, in a hammock that might break any second from all the weight.

And I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

Which tells me I’m not ready to leave this place. Not now, when we’ve found some peace, both within ourselves and in each other. I couldn’t tell you when it happened or why, but over the course of the past five weeks, River went from being my enemy to…my everything.

My friend, my lover.

The keeper of my secrets.

My saving grace.

And for the life of me, I don’t want this to be over between us.

“You might be silent, but your thoughts are loud,” he tells me after a while, his fingers playing with the strings of my sweatshirt, tapping them absently against my chest. “Wa

Not particularly.

“I’m just thinking about tomorrow. Leaving,” I say, which isn’t exactly a lie.

“Don’t think about it. Not when we still have tonight.”

I know he’s right. And I don’t want to ruin what little time we have left here by being a fucking pessimist about it.

We both knew our time was limited. Five weeks isn’t a lifetime. It’s finite.

So why am I wishing five weeks is the equivalent to forever?

“Tell me something true,” he says, pulling me from my thoughts. “Something I don’t know.”

“I like you,” I whisper immediately, and it doesn’t feel wrong to admit that.

Quite the opposite, in fact. It feels right.

“I already know that,” he laughs, glancing up at me. “I mean, what’s not to like?”

Cocky as ever, this one.

“Nevermind, I take it back,” I deadpan, which only makes him grin more.

“I like you too,” he whispers, brushing a kiss against my lips before snagging my hand resting on my chest. “But that wasn’t what I meant, and you know it.”

I think on his request for a moment, rolling over the options in my mind. Because there are plenty. So much about myself that he doesn’t know.

So much he will never find out.

Deciding on a safe route leading to the least amount of questions, I start to speak. “Back home, I went to this super uppity prep school called Foxcroft Hall. Right outside of Philly. It was filled with rich assholes I couldn’t stand. I mean, some of the wealthiest families in the state sent their kids there. Kids of politicians, media moguls, all that.”

River gives me a half smirk. “Is this an inadvertent way of telling me you’re loaded and are going to be a sugar daddy one day?”

A laugh escapes me, and fuck, it feels good. I never realized before staying here with him that I didn’t laugh nearly enough. “Is this an inadvertent way of asking to be my sugar baby?” The urge to smack myself immediately overwhelms me as words tumble out before I have the chance to think about what they imply.

River and I being together. Really together.

A future we both know we don’t have, because this all ends tomorrow.

“I wouldn’t say no. I’d make one helluva sugar baby.” Thankfully, River doesn’t press that any further, just snuggles closer to me and plays with our joined hands resting on my stomach.

When I remain silent, he switches back to the original topic. “It couldn’t have been too bad. I’m sure you had friends. Your teammates maybe?”

I smile and press a kiss to his hair. “I wasn’t one to hang out with the popular crowd, though I most definitely was considered a popular kid as a jock. But I had a couple friends,” I murmur, memories of my days in high school flooding to the front of my brain. My smile grows when I think of the two people who kept me fucking sane while at that hellhole. One of which I recently saw for the first time in years. “I actually grew up with this set of twins. Fraternal, a boy and a girl.”

“Siena and Roman?” he asks softly.

“Yeah,” I whisper, clearing my throat. “They’re a senator’s kids, grew up in heavy politics. Extremely wealthy family that holds a lot of power and clout. They were a year ahead of me in school, but they were my lifeline during the years we were at Foxcroft together. Si, she’s great, as you’ve seen. A real firecracker, always busting the balls of any guy who gave her shit. Including her brother and myself.” I let out a chuckle and grin at him. “I honestly don’t know how Taylor puts up with her.”

River lets out a sigh and shrugs against me. “He loves her. And people will do really crazy shit for the person they love.”

I nod. “That they do,” I say, my voice suddenly hoarse with emotion. “That they do, Abhai

And I’m starting to understand that now. Little by little, I’m learning what it means to let someone in and trust them with the pieces of myself I don’t particularly like.

I wouldn’t do that for just anyone.

Tell him about Roman, a small part of my brain whispers. Better yet. Tell him everything. And then maybe, just maybe, you can keep him.

But deep down, I know I can’t. I can’t tell him.

I can’t keep him.

Because why the fuck would anyone, especially someone as put together as River, want to be with someone who can’t even slay their own demons?

Can’t even hold a sword to them without help.

But you can give him this.