Follow the River

Rain winces and my heart stops.

“When?”

“The night in Portland,” he says, his voice hoarse. “At the club I went to, I took two lines of coke. They said it was laced with E for a cloud high, but I don’t even know. I was hallucinating, I ended up throwing up…” he shakes his head and the look on his face, it’s agonizing. The guilt he feels, it’s written all over his handsome face. “I fucking wish I didn’t. I threw away my sobriety that night.”

I feel my forehead crease. “Then why did you do it?”

His eyes dance between mine, reading what he sees there before licking his lips and casting his gaze away from me.

And I know.

“It was because of me, wasn’t it?” I whisper, my throat catching on the words. “It was me. I was pushing you in the hotel room, egging you on. And then you left and…”

Oh, God.

My mind is spi

I did this.

He threw it away…because I was being an asshole that night.

“No,” he says adamantly, grabbing my chin in his hands to force me to look at him. “You remember what you told me that night on the field when I decked you? That I can’t put my fuck ups on you?”

I nod, barely, but he feels it because he continues.

“Good. Because I won’t let you beat yourself up for them either. They are on me, like you said.” His eyes search mine and I see unshed tears in them. “I was the one who made the decision to get high, not you. I am to blame.”

I wince at his words, swallowing harshly. “I feel so guilty. If I could—”

He shakes his head vehemently, cutting me off. “It doesn’t do to dwell in the past, Abhai

I let out a choked laugh. “Did you just inaccurately quote Harry Potter to me?”

He grins, his thumb ru

He’s right. We all screw up in some way, but we just have to use it to better ourselves.

And that’s what he’s trying to do. I see that now more than ever.

“I’m still so sorry,” I tell him, my hand coming up to grab his wrist. “I’m sorry for everything I did and said before…” I trail off, clenching my jaw. “I’m sorry.”

His soft smile warms my heart and it stops entirely when he places the gentlest kiss on my lips. “I’m sorry too. I would say for everything but…” he trails off, busting out laughing. “I don’t know if I’m sorry for hitting you. It was nice to see the golden boy can be tarnished.”

I laugh, my mood lifting immediately as I push him away before rolling on top of him.

“Only by you, baby. Only by you.”