Follow the River

My eyes immediately flick back to River, and I’m horrified to find Elliott is right. I catch River’s eyes making a full sweep of my body, taking their time rising back to my face after pausing over any part of my body he would most likely love to see naked.

And when the guy finally realizes I’ve caught him blatantly checking me out? He doesn’t blush or show any signs of embarrassment.

No, he just tosses his head back in a laugh, only to bring aim his dimpled grin and penetrating gaze back to me to fucking wink…before returning his attention to the girl beside him.

Like it never fucking happened.

As if him literally eye-fucking me isn’t infuriating enough, my blood practically begins boiling when I realize…I’m fucking jealous of the girl who seems to be taking his time.

Which makes no sense in the slightest because, uh, I’m not into dudes.

The headache that was starting to form behind my eyes earlier is only building in pressure with this new revelation. Rubbing my neck, I take a deep breath as I do my best not to completely lose my shit.

River is bi. He just checked me out. He’s been nothing but friendly to me since we’ve met, but never hinting he was into me. I’ve never felt so welcomed onto a team thanks to him, but is it because of attraction? Or because he actually gives a shit about the team meshing well?

Fuck me.

My thoughts are blazing through my brain at a million miles per hour and I can’t seem to wrap my mind around how I got myself into this kind of situation.

But then I realize something.

I should have known better than to be willing to attempt friendship with anyone at this place, or even in general, ever again. I’ve never been a good friend, even back in high school when I had the twins.

Thinking of them brings a tightness to my chest. Siena and Roman were everything to me, they’ll never be replaced. I still frequently talk to Siena, even if it’s only through text messaging a couple times a month. I know she’s busy going to school at University of Michigan. But that doesn’t mean I don’t love her, miss her, or think about her on almost a daily basis.

Or even Roman, regardless of the state I left our friendship in the night before he left for college. The night he made a move I never saw coming, and it led our friendship to a turning point we wouldn’t be able to come back from.

The night he bent us, but I made sure we broke.

A knot lodges itself in my throat, but I manage to speak to Elliott around it. “I’m go

He chuckles, “Yeah, mine either. I’ll see you at practice. Want me to let Riv know you’re heading out?”

My eyes slip back to River, but he’s completely engrossed in conversation with a couple guys from the team, sipping his beer without a care in the world. With his arm still slung over Abbi’s shoulder.

Even after he just gave me the universal signal he’s DTF.

And there’s that fucking twang of jealousy, rearing it’s ugly head once more.

“Yeah, whatever,” I answer noncommittally, shuffling past him and the crowd gathered near the door, breaking into the freedom of the night.

I catch an Uber easily seeing as it’s a Saturday night in a college town. But on the ride back to my apartment, I’m only able to latch onto one thought ru

How the fuck did this happen…again?