Follow the River

An hour and one agonizing phone call later with someone who’s voice I never thought I’d hear again, I’m pulling back into my apartment, lost in a haze of…nothing.

I feel absolutely fucking nothing.

Numb. Alone.

Defeated.

For once in my miserable life, I’m grateful I’m in therapy. Lord only knows how I would have reacted finding out about Ted, seeing the news, having my life flipped upside down, in any other place than the safety of Doctor Fulton’s office.

Still lost in thought, I don’t even notice my door is unlocked when I walk through it. That being said, I’m startled to find a pacing River in the space between my kitchen and living room, moving back and forth across the vinyl floor fast enough it might ignite under his shoes. I want to ask how the hell he got in my apartment without a key, but I’m too drained to care.

“Abhai

He halts on a dime at the sound of the door closing behind me and for a second, we just look at each other, taking in the appearance of the other.

River’s hair is a disheveled mess, like he’s been raking his fingers through it constantly. His eyes are a dark forest being consumed by wildfire, filled with terror, sorrow, and uncapped amounts of rage. He’s a wreck, but I probably don’t look much better with the shit I’ve dealt with over the past couple hours.

Before I’ve had a chance to take off my shoes, set down my keys, or even fucking think, River is on me, pressing me back into the door of my apartment and devouring my lips. His tongue is in my mouth, tangling with my own, needy and desperate, as if we’re both drowning and this is the only way we can figure out how to float.

In my case, that isn’t far off from the truth because goddamn I didn’t even realize how bad I fucking needed this right now.

Needed him.

My hands are in his hair while his are busy clawing at my clothes, attempting to get them on my skin.

“I saw the news,” he murmurs against my lips after he whips my shirt over my head, moving his attention to my belt. I lift his shirt from his body and quickly slip out of my shoes, then my pants and boxers once he pushes them past my hips.

“I don’t want to talk about the fucking news,” I growl, ripping the remainder of his clothes from his body before dropping to my knees in front of him. Not wasting a minute, I take his dick, thick and ready for me, in my hand before ru

“Fuck, Rain,” he hisses when my tongue makes contact with the underside of his dick before taking him deeper into my mouth, then down my throat.

My finger glides down his crack in a teasing caress before I slip it in further, finding the tight puckered hole that has become my latest addiction.

Fuck, that’s a lie.

He has become my addiction. Even if sex was taken completely out of the equation, I would still want every piece of him for myself.

But realizing more than sex is about to be taken off the table when it comes to him hits me. Everything, friendship included, is about to go up in smoke once this is over, no matter how much my heart aches at the thought.

This is the last time, I tell myself, chanting the phrase over and over as I continue to work River’s cock.

The last time I’ll have him like this. The last time I’ll allow myself to trust another person with my body, my soul.

It’s the last time I can let myself be truly fucking happy.

As much as I don’t want to say goodbye to this man, who has come to mean more to me than my own life, I have to do it. I told myself, over and over again on my way home, each and every reason why I had to distance myself from River with everything coming to light about my…relationship with Senator Ted Anders.

Ted’s hold on me, it’s fucking deep. And I know he will go to any length to make sure he keeps it. I’ve learned firsthand he isn’t above covering up crimes for his own gain.

Even crimes not committed by himself.

So ending this thing with River, I have to do it. If only for his safety.

My mouth moves faster at that thought, tears pricking in my eyes. Whether it’s from his length hitting the back of my throat or the regret and anguish coursing through my veins, I refuse to determine.

“Baby,” he groans, his hips thrusting with each bob of my head on his cock. “Baby, you need to stop.”

I don’t stop.

His words might say that’s what he wants me to do, but his body is telling me the exact opposite. A niggle of guilt taps at my skull, reminding me of that first time in the shower.

No. This is different. It’s not a hate fuck. It’s goodbye.

River grips my hair roughly with both of his hands, and I prepare myself for him to fuck my face in a way that turns me on like no other. But instead of shoving his cock deeper down my throat, he yanks my head up and away from him, effectively releasing himself from my mouth.

“What are you doing?” His brows are drawn, and he looks…almost pissed. “I asked you to stop.”

My brows furrow as I push back to my feet, suddenly aware of the vulnerable position I’m in kneeling before him. “Your body was asking for something completely different. By now, I think I know when to listen to which head.”

River reaches down and yanks his boxers and pants back up his legs, leaving them unbuttoned and unzipped in the most tantalizing way. Panic begins to rise in my throat as his shirt also is thrown back onto his body, leaving his hair a tousled mess atop his head.

Fuck. Is he leaving?

Ru

Talk? No. I just need him one last time before I have to be a fucking martyr and give up the one good thing in my life.

My jaw ticks as I reach down and redress in my underwear and jeans. “And I think you need to shut up and let me fuck you.”

A soft chuckle leaves him, oblivious to my rising frustration. “You can’t fuck away your problems. It doesn’t make them nonexistent.”

I let out a low growl from my throat, tension forming in my forehead. “Jesus Christ, you’re not a very good casual fuck if you refuse to put out, Le

River steps away, his eyes wide, clearly taken aback by the bitterness of my voice. “What is going on with you? One minute you’re on me like you’re ready to consume my very being and now you’re…” he gestures with his hand, up and down, in my direction,“…this.”

A scoff of disbelief slips out of me before I can even think to stop it. “This is who I am. The real me,” I snarl, jamming my index finger into my chest. “The me you knew in the cabin is long gone now that I have access to a regular supply of pussy on the west side of campus.”

His face contorts into a grimace as disgust flares in his eyes, along with another emotion. Something like hurt, I’d imagine. “Where the fuck do you get off?”

I cross my arms over my chest, cocking my head at him and squinting as if thinking in depth about my answer. “Well if you would have asked me last week, or even yesterday, the answer would have been inside of you. But now?” I shrug with indifference, “I honestly don’t give a fuck where. In fact, maybe I will hit up Sorority Row once you leave here tonight.”