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I stiffen, my pulse spiking violently. “I can’t do that.”
I can’t lose her. I don’t know why; I just can’t. Even the thought of it makes my chest tight. I already lost her once. I can’t willingly do it again.
The determined gleam in her eyes transforms to a solemn stare of disappointment, and I hate it. I hate that she doesn’t understand this shit is driving me to insanity. Isn’t my inability to let her go enough? Doesn’t that prove how much she means to me?
A woman has never come between me and my job before.
A woman has never stolen my focus and created havoc in my mind.
A woman has never controlled me. Not even a little bit. And certainly not with her level of effortless efficiency.
“Then this isn’t about you caring for me. It’s about you lusting after me.” She pads from the room, her retreating steps fading down the hall as I stand in frustrated silence.
I wipe a rough hand over my face. Maybe she’s right. Maybe it is lust. But even if it is, I still have no plan to let her go.
She wants revenge against a man who works for Torian. That won’t come without consequences unless done strategically. Methodically. So, she needs me, no matter how much she refuses to admit it.
I mutter a string of curse words under my breath as I shove into my private bathroom, then lock myself inside and take a long shower. I take pleasure in the bite of pain as hot water breeches my cut. I take even more when I add soap to the mix. At least the distraction gives me a reprieve from thoughts of Sarah for a few short minutes.
I don’t get out until the blood is washed from my skin and her scent no longer haunts me.
I should stay in my room until Decker returns. There needs to be a buffer between me and her. But as soon as I leave the bathroom, I pull on a clean pair of cargos and another black T-shirt, then stride right back down to the kitchen.
She’s standing before the floor-to-ceiling windows, staring at my front yard. She’s pulled her hair back into a high ponytail and is wearing tight leggings and the gray woolen sweater I fucked her in last night. The memory is a bitch—a haunting, co
Problem is, she doesn’t want me to be mastered. She doesn’t want anything from me at all…apart from my dick.
I scowl, not appreciating the realization.
She doesn’t hold the same fascination toward this thing between us that I do. For her, it’s lust. Pure and simple.
I come up behind her, meeting her gaze in the reflection of the glass. She blinks back at me, no longer shooting spiteful daggers with her stare.
“Do you really want to walk after all this is said and done?”
She sucks in a deep breath and lowers her gaze.
She doesn’t want to goddamn walk. She wants to continue this thing between us as much as I do—unwillingly and undeniably in equal measure.
“No,” she whispers. “It’s not what I want.”
The admission makes a direct hit to my relief.
“It’s what I need,” she clarifies, stabbing the disappointment directly into my chest. “Because once I finish with Jacob, I’m going to need to find myself again. I’ll have to start over and determine what I want from life.”
“You want me.”
She lets out a whisper of a laugh. “I do.” She nods. “But that in itself isn’t healthy. I doubt it ever can be. Not after everything that’s happened.”
An invisible weight rests heavily on my chest, growing more intense under her serene conviction. “Then I’ll think about it.”
“Really?” She turns, meeting my gaze with questioning eyes. “That means no following. No spying. No games. You need to let me move on with my life.”
No checking in on her safety. No getting a fix from the distance between us by watching her sleep. No co
I don’t get it. I don’t fucking understand why I want her so much. But even now, knowing she itches to run away from me, I can’t stop wishing I had the words to make her stay.
“I said, I’ll think about it.” I step into her and wrap an arm around her waist. She doesn’t flinch; she lets me hold her. “If that’s what it takes to show you this isn’t just about sex.”
She licks her lower lip and then drags her teeth over the moistened temptation. There’s no doubt she wants me. There’s no doubt I could have her. Right here. Right now. On my living room floor.
“You don’t get it. My concerns don’t simply revolve around sex. They’re more complicated than that.”
“Then explain it to me.”
Her shoulders slump as she releases a heavy breath. “The first boyfriend I ever had killed my entire family. He took everything from me, and I refused to let anyone into my life after that… Until you.”
Until me, a replacement who was probably only a smidge better than her fucking psychotic ex.
“You’ve lied to me constantly,” she continues. “You hacked my video surveillance. You followed me to another city and stole secrets I never would’ve shared. Then you pretended my only friend—”
“I get it.” I don’t need the reminder of my rap sheet.
I’ve maimed. I’ve tortured. I’ve killed. But never before have I felt the remorse I do right now.
She needs to learn to trust me. Me. A man who barely trusts himself.
She rests her forehead against my chest. “You have to give me space, Luke.”
Not only does it sound like she wants space, it’s fucking clear she might never want to see me again. She has the determination to move on, regardless of this co
I hold her tighter, both arms around her back.
I don’t think I’m that strong. Not yet, anyway. Maybe I will be after she pisses me off a few more times. Maybe… Then again, it’s highly doubtful when it hurts to fucking breathe unless she’s in my arms.
I press my lips to her hair and close my eyes. “I’m not making any promises, but like I said, I’ll think about it.”