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She clings tighter, as if her hold can save my soul. “You’re being too hard on your—”
“Don’t,” I warn. “Don’t say another word.”
The punishment I live with is nothing in comparison to what I deserve. I let revenge slip through my fingers, and not a day goes by when I don’t wish I’d acted differently. Just like I’ll probably grow to despise letting Amar free. Because of her. All due to the instability she encourages.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice is barely heard over the splash of waves against the hull.
I wish I didn’t hear her at all.
“You feel sorry for me now?” I chuckle. “Minutes ago you were disgusted by what I wanted to do to Amar.”
“I wasn’t disgusted.” She raises her head, resting her chin on my chest to stare up at me. “And no, I don’t feel sorry for you. I’m sorry for the boy who grew up without a mother to soften him and only had a father whose influence never should’ve been inflicted upon a child.”
“Save your pity, little fox. I’m not a kid anymore. I may have spared Amar’s life but that was temporary, and only for your sake. Once Luca and I return to Greece without you, the old man will be dead.”
Her eyes flare. Her lips part.
I wait for her to yell at me. To demand Amar’s life be spared.
But she doesn’t say the words. She knows there’s no hope of us seeing eye to eye. Not on this.
We will never share common ground. Will never hold similar values.
Will always be at odds with each other.
The slowing of the boat is a welcome reprieve, the island up ahead a
“Don’t worry. This will all be behind you soon.” I keep stroking her hair. I commit the texture to memory because I’m well aware these niceties won’t return to Portland with us. “You can pretend it never existed.”
The engine dies, the forward momentum decreasing as the vessel bobs in the water.
Luca ropes the boat to a pillar, then jumps out onto the pier. “I’m going to start packing. Do you need me to do anything else?”
“No.” This time when I meet his gaze, there’s no judgment. No disapproval. Only focused determination. “We’ll be inside in a minute.”
He nods and stalks away, his walk turning into a jog as he reaches the gravel path.
“We should get organized. I need to get in contact with the pilot so we can be placed on the flight schedule asap.”
She glances away, her tongue gently sneaking out and moistening her lower lip. But she doesn’t move. She remains nestled in front of me, her breathing gentle, her skin soft below my fingers.
“Come on. We’ve got time for you to have a shower or soak in the bath. It might do you the world of good.”
The longer we remain on our own, the more the urge to kiss her drags me under.
The need for possession, the desire to claim, it all builds in my veins.
I tug her to her feet and grow tempted to haul her into my arms. I could carry her inside. She deserves to be held.
“Wait.” She drags her hand away. “What happens once we get back to Portland?”
“I don’t know yet.” I start for the side of the boat, but she doesn’t follow.
“I need to know, Cole. Will we be enemies once we get back? Will all this change?”
All this—the lust, the mindlessness. Without the adrenaline to spur the madness, maybe things will be different for her. But I won’t leave unscathed.
No matter where I go or who I’m with, Anissa will remain with me. She’s fucked with my head. Burrowed deep. She’s a chronic illness I’ll never overcome.
“Tell me what you’re thinking.” She inches up to me, placing her hands on my chest. “Because all I can think about right now is being with you.”
“That’s survival mode kickin’ in, sweetheart. You’ll get over it.”
“Will I?” She leans close, her palms sliding up to my neck. “What if I don’t?”
“Then that will make two of us.” I press my lips to hers, unable to deny myself.
If she needs a temporary distraction I’ll give it to her.
If she needs an outlet, I’m here for that, too.
I grip her hips and grind into her, parting her lips with my tongue. I’m already hard as stone, my lust on a hair-trigger.
I fucking want her.
Now. Tomorrow. Next week.
I want inside her body. In her mind. I itch to claim everything. All the thoughts. All the nightmares.
This woman was made to be mine, my needy little fox.
If only our values weren’t worlds apart.
“I need you,” she whispers into my mouth, her hands gliding back down to the buttons of my shirt.
“I need you, too.” I grip her wrists and pull back. “But we’re not doing this here. Not today.”
“Why?”
“The first time we fucked, you were drunk. The next time won’t be because you’re scared and free falling with an adrenaline detox. Tomorrow will be even more of a bitch slap of reality if you do.”
“That’s not true.”
“It’s not?” I step back. “You’re telling me on any given day back in Portland, you would’ve fucked me? Why? Because I’m such a nice guy?” I raise a brow, waiting for a denial she can’t give. “Admit it, Niss. This is fucked up.”
“I don’t care.”
“Maybe not now, but you will. When you’re walking back into the Bureau, wearing one of those ugly-ass pantsuits like it’s your shield of morality, you’re going to think of this moment and hate yourself.”
Her throat works over a heavy swallow, her strength dissipating with the movement. “I still don’t care.”
“Well, I do. You can hate me for a lot of things, but fucking won’t be one of them.”
She glances away. Sighs.
Believe me, I hate my restraint more than she does.
But it’s her fault. She’s rubbing off on me after all, her virtues tainting what could’ve been the perfect conclusion to a disastrous day.
“Come on.” I grab her fingers. “Let’s go.”
“Wait.”
I pause, recognizing a shift in her mood. “What is it this time, sweetheart?”
“I need something from you… Two things, actually.”
I turn, finding the lust gone from her features and a glimpse of the determined agent taking its place. “I’m listening.”
“For starters, don’t ever call me sweetheart again. I’d finally gotten used to the Niss, Nissa, and Nissie that I originally despised, but calling me sweetheart only points out how fragile you think I’ve become.”
“I don’t think—”
She holds up a hand and the return of her stubbor
“Whatever you say, little fox.”
She nods in appreciation, her hand falling back to her side. “Now I need you to tell me what you know about my father.”