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Decker
My blood turns to fire, the burn settling into my bones. “You were…”
She nods. “It’s okay. You don’t need to say it.”
There’s no fragility in her voice. She’s strong. Far stronger than I am at hearing the admission.
I shake my head, still unable to finish my sentence. I can’t even say the fucking word. All I can do is pull her closer and cling tight.
“Sebastian, really, it’s all right.” She hugs me back, comforting me when it should be the other way around. “It happened a long time ago.”
“When?”
“I was a child. Barely fourteen.”
“Fuck.” The curse comes out in a rasp.
How did I miss this information when I’ve dug into every aspect of her life?
“Don’t worry. I’ve come to terms with my mistakes. I refuse to let it affect me anymore.”
“Your mistakes?” I inch her away, holding her at arm’s length so I can meet her gaze. “How could you blame yourself for something like this? You were a fucking kid.”
“I wasn’t to blame, no. But I wasn’t free from fault either. I should’ve been more careful.” She shrugs. “I trusted someone I didn’t truly know.”
The same way I’ve been pressuring her to trust me.
Jesus. Fuck.
Guilt pummels me.
I’ve pushed. I’ve manipulated. I’ve instigated a million different tactics to get what I want, not knowing what I was truly asking for.
“That’s why I’m telling you,” she adds. “Not because I want you to pity me. Or because I need to justify my short list of lovers. I want you to know why it’s difficult for me to open up.”
“I understand.” I’m an asshole. The biggest fucking asshole. “You don’t have to say another word.”
I’ve made her feel obliged to cut herself open and bleed her secrets, all because I demanded her trust.
“Do you want to take this out into the living room?” I slide along the vanity, inching toward the door as I grab her hand. “Have you eaten di
She grips my fingers, pulling me back. “Please don’t get weird on me now. I’m not fragile.”
“I’m not being weird.” I attempt a smile. “And I sure as hell know you’re tough as nails.”
“Good.” She closes in, sauntering by me in her silken nightdress. “Because I’d have to tie you to a bed and torture you for days if you started treating me like glass.”
“Wait. That bed torture thing is an option?” I fake the joke, hoping it comes out lighthearted when my chest weighs more than a ton.
She chuckles. “Not a good one, no.”
“To you, maybe.” I follow her into the hall and pretend I’m not holding onto her emotional baggage tighter than she is. I can’t quit picturing what she must have gone through as I reheat her meal.
I struggle to stop the brutal thoughts of a violated young girl as she eats.
My sadistic imagination runs wild with the carnage, stretching out the silence into long uncomfortable minutes.
“You’re going to have to suck it up,” she mutters around a bite of lasagna. “Stop thinking about it.”
“I’m not.”
“Sure.” She rolls her eyes. “I’m not the person you’re picturing, Sebastian. I haven’t been weakened by it. I’m stronger.”
I smile despite my doubts.
But she is strong.
I do know that.
I just hate that some low-life piece of shit forced her to be that way. “I wasn’t thinking—”
“And I like sex,” she adds.
I give her a half-hearted smile and lean forward, stretching my arm across the table to brush her wrist. “I learned that firsthand, remember?”
Her lips quirk. “I remember.”
I try to hold onto the companionable mood. I cling and fucking cling, but it drifts, being snatched away by more tumultuous thoughts.
She sighs. “What part of this is eating away at you?”
I don’t want to ask. Well, I do, but even a dumb fuck like me knows it’s inappropriate.
“Just ask, Sebastian.”
“Okay.” I pull my arm back and sit up straight. “You said you’ve come to terms with what happened. And that you enjoy sex, but you’ve only slept with one other guy…”
Her actions don’t really gel with the story.
“There are reasons for my abstinence.”
“Do most of them revolve around having a psychotic brother?”
She presses her lips tight, containing a laugh. “No, not a lot. The lack of talent swimming in my family’s social circles is actually the biggest reason. Then there’s the risk of sleeping with someone who is only trying to get close to Cole. Along with the whole drug thing, too.”
“Drug thing?”
She gives a barely-there nod. “Despite my family’s association with narcotics, I don’t approve of using, have never used myself, and I don’t want to be with anyone who does.”
“How do you know I don’t fall into that category?”
She gives me a coy smile. “You’re not the only one who’s been paying attention.”
I should be concerned. Instead, I’m turned on as all fuck. “You’ve been spying on me, sunshine?”
“I wouldn’t call it that.” She pushes from her chair and takes the dirty plate to the sink. “I’ve just noticed you. A lot.”
I smirk.
“Don’t turn all cocky on me again. I’ve been doing my due diligence, that’s all.”
I release an exaggerated sigh. “Don’t treat you like glass. Don’t get cocky. Don’t shove my dick up your ass. Jeez, Keira, you’re a bossy little thing.”
Her cheeks darken, and those lips keep twitching in mirth. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.” She walks around the kitchen and heads toward the sofa. “Come watch television with me for a while.”
I oblige, even though the last thing I want to do is stare at anything other than her. The next few hours are spent on the corner of the sofa, her head on my lap, my hands in her hair, as a mindless sitcom plays on the screen.
This time I play with the delicate strands without remorse. I drag my fingers through the lengths and enjoy the calm. I could easily kid myself into believing I have a sweet and i
But none of that is true.
We’re all guilty of a long list of crimes. And the reality of the situation is that I’ve just taken a giant leap closer to having a clip unloaded in my skull because I slept with Torian’s sister.
Hopefully I’m lucky enough not to see the bullet coming.
“I know you’re probably still wide awake after your fifteen-hour nap this afternoon,” she sits up and turns to face me, “but I’m wrecked. I’m going to take a shower and crawl into bed. Where do you plan on sleeping?”
“On you.” I grin. “Sorry, I meant in bed beside you.”
“Sure you did.” Her lips curve, but there’s little flirtation, no excitement. The mood between us is different, her playful banter replaced with committed intent.
There’s no backing out now.
We’re a thing. Together. And yes, that’s daunting as fuck.
“Let me tidy up out here, and I’ll meet you in the bedroom soon.” I kiss her temple, and we both push to our feet. “Enjoy the shower.”
She pads away, leaving me to do a full interior check of the house. I test the windows and doors, making sure they’re all secure before I start cleaning the dirty dishes in the sink.
What I should be doing is contacting Hunter, calling Anissa, even telling Torian about the cell Keira found to make sure it’s untraceable. But I’m not ready to kill this buzz just yet.
External influences will only drag us apart. I need to establish myself in her life before that happens.