See No Evil

My throat starts to clog with emotion as I lean in to hug my mother. She’s a fragile woman whose hidden strength and belief in me have never wavered, even when fighting her own demons and battles.

“I love you, Momma. You know that, don’t know?” I whisper in her ear, hugging her tightly.

She lets out a melodic giggle, her joyful tears falling down her face.

“I do, sweet girl,” she murmurs, ru

“Fight. Like I always do.”

“That’s my girl,” she hushes, palming my face in her hands, leaning in to place a tender kiss on each cheek.

I give her one more hug and then turn to start the engine, but my mother halts me, yet again, by placing her hand on my shoulder and says, “Stone, just one more thing. And this is important.”

“Okay,” I reply, confused as to what more she has to say.

“Whatever that boy did to you, he’s trying to make amends. Don’t let your heart grow cold when love is begging to be let in. Believe me when I tell you, life is too short to hold on to resentments. Take it from a woman who has lived most of her life clinging to her memories of love because the real thing was too far from her grasp.”

“I never said I loved him.”

“You didn’t need to. It’s written all over your face. Only love can hurt so much. I should know. It’s like looking in a mirror.”

“That’s different. Daddy never hurt you intentionally.”

“Oh, baby girl. Does it matter if it was intentional or not? Pain is pain. It’s finding the strength to forgive and allowing yourself to be happy that is challenging.”

“Are you done, Momma? I really have to get back to the dorm and study,” I lie, not wanting to talk about Fi

She finally lets me start the damn car and take her home, all the while letting me stew in my seat with her nuggets of heartfelt wisdom. She might be right on some accounts, but not all. Changing the vision I had for my future might not be that far-fetched, but forgiving Fi

I thrash from one side of the bed to the other, unable to get a wink of sleep. Since I took my mother to her doctor’s appointment last Thursday, I’ve been more agitated than ever. Somehow, her words seeped into my subconscious, tormenting me even in my dreams.

The minute my weary heart and exhausted body allow sleep to take over, not only do I dream of stars just out of my reach, but also of a warm body hugging me to his side, begging me to love him. Knowing this is the misery that awaits me in my slumber, my brain wrestles with exhaustion, doing everything in its power to keep me awake. My bed has become a battle zone, the duvet and sheets all entwined at my feet, as I roll from one position to another, ordering my restless spirit to give me a moment’s peace.

To my mind’s dismay, the only comfort I find solace in is the pillow that still holds Fi

I hate him. I hate him so much.

Why would he do this to me?

To us?

I’m still wallowing in my grief when my phone starts vibrating madly on the desk beside me. I reach my arm over to pick it up, answering without even looking at the screen to see who is calling me so early on a Sunday morning.

“Hello?”

“Good morning, Stone. So happy I caught you. It’s Charlene,” Fi

My back instantly lifts off the bed, thinking I must be hallucinating from my lack of sleep.

“Mrs. Walker?” I choke out, unable to prevent the perplexed tone in my voice from coming through.

“Yes, dear. I was wondering if we could do our brunch today. Say, around eleven at Magnolia?”

“I, uh… actually, it’s not a good time for me right now.”

“I’m sure you can spare an hour or two from your busy schedule to meet me. I look forward to spending some time with you, dear. See you there, Stone. Goodbye,” she says before hanging up the phone, not allowing me to get a word in edgewise.

I throw the phone on my duvet and slump back down onto the bed, my arms covering my eyes.

Great!

Now I have a date with Fi

Fuck my life!

At least her son has taken the hint. For the past two weeks, Fi

Snap out of it, Stone!

Enough of this pity party of one.

Mom is right. I need to get my shit together and stop wallowing in what could have been. This is my life now, and it’s about time I suck it up and do something about it. New York is no longer an option. So what? I can kick ass here at Richfield, just as I have done for the past three years. I’ll get my law degree, and during that time, I’ll look for other opportunities where I can do some good. But none of this is going to happen if I’m stuck in this room reminiscing about star-filled nights and strong arms holding me tight, vowing to love me.

That was then.

This is now.

With a new resolve in place, I jump out of bed. I pick up my pillow, throwing it against the door, as a reminder to toss it in the dumpster on my way out. I’ll just go to this stupid brunch and tell Mrs. Walker that this little get together of hers is going to have to be a one-off type of thing. Fi

Out of sight, out of mind, right?

That’s exactly what I need to do from now on. No more Fi

For my sanity’s sake, I hope it does.

It has to.