See No Evil

All these miserable thoughts plague me on the silent ride over to her dorm. Upon parking the car, Stone places a chaste kiss on my cheek, giving me all the confirmation I needed—it was too much, too soon for her.

Fuck!

I wish I knew how to do this shit. I wish I had some sort of clue to guide me on the best way to reach her. But I don’t. Stone is the first girl to make me feel this way, whatever this is. And I’m not sure she feels the same. Actually, I’m not sure she’s even capable of it.

I walk her to her door as I still want to be near her in spite of the clear rejection. But maybe I shouldn’t. She’s protecting her heart while I’m throwing mine on the ground, allowing her to trample on it with her skulled boots. Maybe I’m the sucker who should know when to cut his losses and bail.

“Are you coming over to Big Jim’s tomorrow, or do you have some big game to train for?” she asks, sounding indifferent, but the distraught look in her stu

“I have some assignments to hand in this week. I should probably focus on those. But I’ll call you,” I tell her, her face not giving me anything to work with.

“Okay, so I guess I’ll see you around, quarterback,” she responds nonchalantly, throwing me a meek smile, before heading into her dorm without giving me a chance to say goodbye.

“I don’t know if you will, Stone,” I mumble to myself, kicking the air at my feet, feeling like shit as I walk back to my car.

I feel like a total asshole driving home, too.

Maybe this is for the best. Some space will give me some perspective. It will give me time to simmer down these unknown feelings until I understand them. Until I’m able to curb them into something similar to what Stone is feeling. Perhaps we are just about sex. And what’s wrong with that? I mean, she’s leaving at the end of the year anyway, so a no-strings-attached fuckbuddy scenario is the way to go. Most assholes would sell their own grandmother to be in my shoes.

I guess I should be happy, right?

But I’m not. I’m fucking miserable.

And because life just loves to fuck with me, the minute I get home, I’m confronted with yet another clusterfuck of immense proportions. Sitting pretty in my foyer, just waiting to shove the branding iron up my ass—sans lube, I might add—is another mandate from The Society, reminding me exactly who the fuck is calling the shots.

Fuck this night!

I’m so fucking over it already.