The Spark

CHAPTER 35

Donovan

I woke to the shake of a subway car at six in the morning. Shit. I lifted my head. Where the hell was I? The woman across from me gave me a dirty look and put her arm around her kid.

“Sorry.”

She looked away.

What the hell happened last night? I remembered the partner a

Oh, wait. I’d gone over to Autumn’s place, but she hadn’t been home. Then I’d wandered into some bar.

The train pulled into a station. It wasn’t mine, but I needed some fresh air, so I hopped off and walked up the stairs about half a mile from my apartment. As I reached the top, a homeless guy was sitting next to the entrance. That jogged my memory some more.

Fred. I’d downed disgusting bourbon with a guy named Fred at the bar for a few hours. Then there was a belligerent stop back at Autumn’s apartment, which ended with me giving the finger to the security camera. After that, on my way to the train station, a homeless person had asked me for money. He’d been sitting outside a liquor store, so I went in and bought a bunch of those small bottles they serve on planes and proceeded to take a seat next to the guy. We drank every single one of the bottles together. No wonder I feel like shit. I couldn’t be sure, but I think I might’ve cried at one point. Great. Just great. You’re really pulling your shit together when Autumn needs you, Decker.

On my walk home, I stopped at a deli and picked up some orange juice and Motrin. By the time I made it to my apartment, I was ready to crash for a few hours. I had no idea how long I’d slept on the train, only that it wasn’t enough. It felt like I could pass out and not wake up for days. I even leaned against the elevator wall as I rode the car up to my floor.

Happy to be close to crash landing on my bed, I stepped out of the elevator with my head down and my mind in a thick fog. But a few steps down the hall and it felt like someone had put the paddles on my chest and jolted me awake.

Had I fallen asleep in the elevator and I was dreaming?

My stride, which had been lumbering at best, suddenly picked up as I made my way down the hall. And my heart followed right along.

Autumn sat on the floor next to my door looking down at her phone, but she stood once she saw me.

“Hey, sorry for stopping by without calling,” she said.

“You never need to call first.”

She looked me up and down. My clothes were a wrinkled mess, and I’m sure my face was covered in stubble. “Were you…out all night?”

I nodded. “I went by your place. You weren’t home, so I stopped at a bar a few blocks away and had a little too much to drink. I woke up on the subway.”

“That doesn’t sound like you.”

I blew out a deep breath. “Apparently I haven’t been acting like myself a lot lately.”

Autumn nodded. “I stayed at Skye’s last night.”

She looked tired, even though she was still absolutely gorgeous. Her green eyes were puffy and had small streaks of red in them, and under her eyes was dark and hollow.

“You okay?” I asked.

“Yeah. Do you think we can talk?”

“Of course.” I unlocked my apartment door and opened it for her to walk through first. She went straight to the living room.

I tossed my keys on the adjoining kitchen counter. “You want coffee?”

“I’d love some.”

I took the grounds from the cabinet and grabbed the pot to fill with water. But I had to wipe my palms on my pants in order to open the canister because I was such a clammy mess from nerves. Once I pushed the button to start brewing, I told Autumn I’d be right back and went to the bathroom to wash up and brush my teeth before returning to fill two mugs.

“Here you go.”

She’d sat on the chair, not the couch, which I overanalyzed in my head as a bad sign. In law, the seat a client or attorney selects often tells you a lot about the person or their power position. Autumn sitting to keep distance between us troubled me.

We were both silent as I sat. She stared down at the floor, while I watched her intently. Eventually, I couldn’t take it and spoke. “Are you sleeping? You look tired.”

Her eyes lifted to meet mine. “Off and on. I stopped taking the Ambien completely a few days ago. I looked it up, and insomnia is common after you stop. My body is basically going through withdrawal after years of use.”

“You slept pretty good the night I stayed over and you forgot to take it.”

She smiled sadly. “I think that was because you were in my bed.”

I smiled back. “Well, if I can be of any assistance… Sleep is important, you know.”

Her smile was more genuine this time. She sipped her coffee and set it down on the table. “I want to tell you some things about what happened six years ago. I told you the parts I thought you needed to know, but I wasn’t exactly open about how I handled things afterward.”

My brows furrowed. “Okay…”

She took a deep breath. “I didn’t actually go to the police two weeks after Braden raped me. I mean, I did speak to them, but it didn’t happen the way I might’ve led you to believe. They actually came to me.” Autumn looked up and met my eyes. The pain swimming in hers caused a stabbing pain in my chest. “They came because I’d attempted suicide. My father found me unconscious and called 9-1-1. After they got the drug out of my system and my vitals stable, a policewoman coaxed me into telling her what happened.”

I tasted salt in my throat and swallowed. Reaching out, I took her hand and squeezed and didn’t let go.

She tried to force a smile before continuing. “I’d gone to my regular doctor and told her I had trouble sleeping, and she gave me a prescription for Ambien. I’d researched that it would take a lot of pills to overdose—more than I had, unless I chewed them and forced them into my bloodstream all at once.” She took another deep breath. “So I put the contents of the bottle into my Magic Bullet and then snorted the powder.” She laughed, but not in a fu

Jesus Christ. I just wanted to wrap her in my arms and hold her, but her body language told me that was not the right thing to do. I also suspected this revelation wasn’t the only thing she wanted to share…

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter how you reported it. What matters is that you’re healthy and you made it through.”

“I thought I’d made it through, too. I was honestly begi

When my eyes grew wide, she shook her head and her hands.

“No—don’t panic. I went to see him in his very full office and made him leave the door open. I was always safe.”