Eden

Where is he?

A light breeze ruffles my hair and I roll over to find the French doors to the balcony are open. Saint’s standing out there, leaning against the wrought-iron railing, a joint between his lips. He’s staring out into the night with a creased brow, appearing deep in thought.

Slowly, I climb out of the bed and make my way to the doors, stopping to tug on Saint’s t-shirt that he’d tossed across the room earlier.

I stop at the threshold and murmur, “Everything okay?”

He tenses before glancing back at me. His lips melt into a small smile.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you.”

I shake my head and step out to him. “No big deal. What are you doing out here?”

He turns to look back out toward the ocean. The sounds of the waves gently lapping at the shore is soothing. It feels peaceful out here, despite everything that’s been happening to me lately.

He shrugs. “Can’t sleep, per usual.”

“Did you not sleep at all?” I ask, baffled. With the amount of energy we probably burned, I can’t believe his body wouldn’t just give out on him.

He laughs. “I got a few hours, don’t worry.”

I release a sigh of relief, though I’m not certain why his sleep habits should be a cause of worry for me. I don’t like that I’m feeling things for him I never wanted to feel.

And yet, I actually give a fuck about him, though I’d never dare say so out loud.

Silence falls between us as we gaze out into the darkness. It feels like there’s this chasm between us, filled with our secrets. Instead of growing bigger, however, it’s almost like we’re both standing opposite each other on the edge, waiting to see who’ll plummet into the abyss first.

I want to know his secrets. I want him to tell me, which is wildly hypocritical of me since I don’t want to share my own in turn.

Still, hypocrite or not, I ask, “What did you mean by ‘last time’?”

He lets out a puff of smoke. “You’re not going to let that go, are you?”

I glance toward him and shake my head. “No.”

I expect him to be his usual dick self and brush me off, but he surprises me when he turns and wraps his arm around my waist. Pulling me closer, he dips his head and kisses me. It’s slow and gentle, completely different from our frantic kisses from earlier that left my lips bruised and swollen. He’s lulling me into a state of relaxed lust, and I almost forget about my question until he slowly breaks away from me.

He brings his hand up and runs the back of his fingers down my cheek.

Then, in the softest voice I’ve ever heard him use, he says, “I was talking about the last time we got rid of a body.”