Night shifts black

He sucks in his breath and waves back at the door. “This. Having Luke back. What if it’s not for real? What if this is it? I don’t think I can handle losing him again. I don’t want to do this without him anymore. I can’t.”

I hug him. I have to, and his arms tighten around me. “Do you think it’s not?”

“I don’t know,” he says quietly against my hair. “He seems sincere, like he’s happy to be back, but what if…I don’t know. What if we wake up tomorrow and learn this was it, all we’re getting?”

“You need to tell him this,” I say, pulling back and searching his eyes. “He needs to know how important he is.”

Casey bites his lip and nods, gazing back at the doorway. “He just needs to come back.”

∞∞∞

They get back to work, and I continue on my own project. I’m haunted by Casey’s words, and watch the next session from a different vantage point this time. I can see Casey’s concerned glances at Luke, almost longing, and feel awful for never even considering how hard this must be for him. To get a brutal reminder of what was, a small taste of what could be, and yet, know there’s a chance this is the end. That after tonight they go back to the empty shell of what they should be.

I remember Casey’s harsh critique at breakfast the first time we’d met. When he’d blasted Luke for leaving them and sentencing them to a fraction of what they should have been. I hadn’t really understood then. I didn’t know what music meant to them. I’d thought it was about money and fame and the fact that Luke’s absence meant no more big stadium concerts. But now, watching Casey’s expression and knowing everything I do about him, about both of them, I realize there is nothing shallow about Casey’s pain at losing Luke. It’s not about any of that. It’s about a broken co

I can’t help but think about what it must be like to watch someone you care about so much, your brother, your best friend, self-destruct so completely. My own broken heart is only a flesh wound compared to what this last year must have been like for Casey. To lose his sister, his friend, his music, and the enormous chunk of his identity wrapped up in those things. I feel my own heart constricting at the thought, the chills from what this exact moment means to Luke, but especially Casey. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be to have Luke back only to know there’s no guarantee it’s real, that his other half won’t follow him out of this room. And then the emotion starts to swell within me, that painful throb in my chest that can only be relieved one way.

I stare at my blank screen and start to write.

∞∞∞

We all work late into the night. The guys on their song. Me, on the spewing of my heart. By the time they call it quits, I can tell they’re happy with their efforts and feeling good about Friday’s recording session, especially given the fact that they still have tomorrow to work.

Eli and Sweeny want to go out and celebrate, but the rest of us aren’t up for it. They leave us at the lobby, and Luke, Casey, and I continue the journey to 403.

“Saw you working like crazy. Looked intense,” Casey comments with a smile as we exit on the fourth floor.

I blush a little and nod. “Yeah, I had some stuff I had to get out.”

“Can I see it?”

“Once we get inside.”

He understands, and Luke opens the door.

“You guys sounded great. Unbelievable, actually,” I say once we’re inside.

“You think?” Luke asks, and I nod.

“Absolutely. As a psycho fangirl, totally impressed.”

He laughs and shakes his head.

“Well, good. Thanks for guarding the door.”

“Any time.”

“So what’s this new piece?” Casey asks, and I can see I have Luke’s interest, too.

I swallow, the mood immediately shifting. It’s a hard one, painful, and I’m not sure we’re ready for it. But maybe we don’t have a choice anymore.

I offer a weak smile as they sit at the stools, studying me.

I open up my laptop and stare at the screen, sca

I glance up and meet their expressions, suddenly captivated by the same overwhelming feelings that gripped me downstairs during the rehearsal.

“Watching you guys…together, how incredible you were, and yet, thinking that it was almost lost…I was…I don’t know. So full of love and fear and regret at the same time.” I feel the tears coming again out of nowhere and try to blink them away. “Do you two even know how amazing you are? I mean, not just individually, but together. I had no idea. It was breathtaking and so sad at the same time.”

I can tell they have no idea how to respond to my unexpected outburst, and Casey especially looks affected after our earlier conversation.

“I wrote this for both of you,” I say quietly. I draw in a deep breath. “It’s called ‘Laughing Stock.’” I turn the laptop around on the counter so they can read, and grip the edge of the granite.

“It’s not fu