Night shifts black

Casey throws his hands up in frustration before locking his fingers above his head. He begins pacing in front of the couch, muttering to himself, and I know I have to intervene for his own sake. He deserves better as well. I take his arm and pull him back to the couch.

“Please, Casey. I’m asking you to let it go. Not forever, just for now, ok? Let him have this. I’m telling you, he needs this. Can you just trust me?”

He meets my gaze, he has to, I’ve centered it inches away, and finally lets out an aggravated breath. “This is crazy. I mean, he’s always been odd, but a chair?”

“I don’t know what the chair means, but I know it’s significant. He’ll let us in when he’s ready.”

“And until then?”

“Until then, we keep fighting for the small stuff.”

I sense his concern finally dissolving into amusement.

“What?” I ask, suddenly self-conscious.

He smiles and shakes his head. “Nothing. Just you.”

“Me? What about me?”

“You’re like a cross between a motivational poster and a shrink... And my mom.”

Now, I have to laugh. “Your mom? Really? You made out with me…twice…and I remind you of your mom?”

He ducks from my playful swing with a sheepish grin. “I don’t know! You’re always yelling at me!”

“Ha! I do not!”

“I don’t eat enough vegetables. You don’t like my clothes. I’m too mean to Luke…”

I roll my eyes, but can’t come close to being a

“You’re thinking about my mom now, aren’t you?” he asks with a knowing grin, and I shrug.

“Maybe. What’s she like?”

He laughs. “She had ten kids. Some say that makes her a saint, others say she’s insane.”

“What do you say?”

“Probably somewhere in between.”

“Do you get to see your family a lot?”

I sense his mood shift and wonder why.

“Some of my siblings. There are two in particular I’m close to.”

I glance up at him and note his distant expression.

“What about your parents?”

He shakes his head. “No. Not really. She won’t see me unless I see him and that’s not happening.”

It’s then that I remember “Argyle” and almost cringe.

“I’m sorry,” I say quietly. “My parents are no picnic either.”

“Yeah? What are they like?”

I grunt and stare at the ceiling, settling into him. “Well, I haven’t seen my mom since I was twelve. She met some guy at the bowling alley…yeah, I know.”

“I’m sorry, I know it’s not fu

“Total small town cliché, I know. But yeah, she took off, and we never heard from her. Dad…well…I don’t know. We functioned, I guess.”

“Functioned?”

I shrug. “We kind of just stayed out of each other’s way until I was old enough to make my own decisions for my life.”

“Which were what?”

“What do you mean? My decisions?”

“Yeah. What are you now that you can choose?”

I swallow and realize I’m clenching my other fist. I think he might notice when he takes that hand, too, and kisses my fingers. It’s so sweet it almost hurts, and I want to answer his question. I just don’t know how. What am I? I have no idea.

“I don’t know, really. I couldn’t wait to get out of Shelteron, and then when the opportunity came, I had no idea where to go or what to do. I’ve kind of just been floating, sometimes treading. Not really sure where to go or what I want. Just avoiding the things I don’t want.”

“Ok, but you must be doing something to survive here on your own.”

I shake my head, not sure he’s ready for this part. No, I’m not sure I’m ready for this part. I take a deep breath.

“I’m living off money from a lawsuit settlement.”

I have his attention and I’m not sure what to do with it. I think I might care about him too much to finish the story.

“Really? What happened?” he asks, as I knew he would. Only Luke doesn’t ask the obvious questions.

I look away, and he must notice me tense, but he doesn’t let me off the hook. He’s not nosy, he cares, and I draw in a deep breath.

“When I was seventeen I got a job at a large, independent grocery store. The owner took an interest in me and a couple of the other girls.”

I quiet, not sure I can actually tell this story. I never really tried. It didn’t seem relevant or necessary until this moment, until this person. Casey squeezes my hand as if sensing my hesitation.

“It started off with just some comments, stupid stuff. Completely inappropriate, but whatever. It’s not like there were tons of employment options for high school kids in my town. I kick myself to this day because I feel like I should have known. I know it’s common for victims to blame themselves, but…” I shake my head. “Well, anyway, one day…” I stop again. I can’t tell if this is going well or not. I feel the tears burning low, and I’m a

“Anyway, I couldn’t prove it, he didn’t rape me or do anything that left evidence, just…” No, that part isn’t necessary. “But once the other girls came forward as well, and we realized there was a pattern and we had a case, one of their parents said we all needed to press charges. Nothing really stuck from a criminal standpoint since it was only our word against his, but there was enough to make a civil lawsuit a painful experience for both sides. His lawyer urged him just to settle, and so he did. We each accepted a big lump of cash. And that was that. My dignity got a price tag.”

“And you came here?”

I meet Casey’s gaze, thoughtful, compassionate, gentle.

“I had to. I had to go somewhere. I wasn’t me anymore. I was either the slut from the grocery store or a potential payday. To my dad and his girlfriend, I was basically both.”

I watch the anger flash across his face and find comfort and security in that for some reason.

“If you were my daughter, I wouldn’t have slept until that bastard was in prison or the ground,” he spits.

I trace his jaw, warmed on so many levels. “I’m glad I’m not your daughter,” I joke, and he returns my smile, but the sadness is still in his eyes. It’s so beautiful, and my heart nearly bursts when he gives me a quick kiss.

I try to clear my head so I can return to my story. “So that’s pretty much it. I came here, not to make a name for myself in lights, but to disappear. I wasn’t ru

“When I say ‘I’m no one’ it’s not even about self-esteem. I just don’t know who I am, what I am. I don’t know where I’m going or what I want from life. I just knew I didn’t want to be the slut from the grocery store or Kyle and Nora’s daughter. I wanted to be no one so I could start fresh and hopefully be someone else one day.”

Casey is quiet as I draw my speech to a close. I don’t really know what else to say, so now it’s just a matter of holding my breath and dealing with the fallout. I can see his mind working as we sit in silence, his ever-present smile tabled for the moment as he considers his response. I love that he considers his response.

“What happened to you isn’t right and I’m glad you got some retribution, even though I wish that bastard would have gotten jail time instead,” Casey says finally.

He hesitates, and I can’t stop my smile. “But…” I continue for him.