We Are Us

Chapter 39 New York City

Six months later

Standing in the nursery of our new apartment, I rub my already bursting-at-the-seams belly. Today marks the start of my twenty-third week. Twins. A boy and a girl. I can’t even believe it, and yet I can, because my babies will also be Tucker’s babies, and that’s just how he rolls. An overachiever, born into a charmed life.

My obstetrician uses a 4D sonogram machine on me at each appointment. Over the past few months, seeing their perfect faces, their tiny hands waving at me from an enormous flat screen monitor, I’ve co

I became a mother from the minute I learned I was pregnant, but actually seeing my babies growing and thriving inside me… I’m already so in love with them it’s overwhelming. I can barely wait for them to be born, to hold them in my arms and breathe in their delicious baby smell.

We moved out of our Tribeca loft last week. Not into his family’s stuffy brownstone, which he’d sold after receiving multiple offers the day their obituary was printed. We chose a four-bedroom high-rise overlooking Central Park. There is still plenty of white furniture, but there are no more sharp corners. It is a home for a family. The family Tucker and I are building, together.

I designed the nursery myself. It’s not the biggest room, but it’s closest to our master suite, and that is what matters most. Right now, my babies are such a part of me, I can’t imagine being separated from them. In the begi

The rug beneath my bare feet is a thick pile, an Ikat pattern of white and khaki with just the palest hint of gray. I had the walls painted the exact color of the winter sky, just before it snows, and the wood trim is a glossy white. Two elegant cribs dominate the center of the room, beneath a chandelier that shoots prisms of light around the room like dazzling jewels. Window treatments—long gauzy panels and, of course, blackout shades behind them—are being installed this afternoon.

I haven’t been back to Dr. Lu and her cold, quiet office. Once I stopped crying, she referred me to an obstetrician and since then, all of my appointments have gone smoothly.

Tucker is thrilled, although he’s been so busy with work he’s hardly around. And even when he’s not in the office or on a business trip, work is always on his mind.

Tucker is determined to prove, to himself and everyone who doubted him, that he is up for the job. But the long shadow cast by Hewitt Stockton sometimes haunts my husband. Tucker barely sleeps, and when he does, he’s so restless. I believe our babies will give him something to come home to, the same sense of stability I found in him. We will be a family.

“Isla, I’m meeting my sister to go shopping, you’ll let—”

“Yes, yes. Of course, the drapery installers. I’ll take care of it.” Tucker hired Isla full time once I became pregnant. She coordinated our move and so much else. I only have to focus on growing two healthy babies and waiting for my belly button to pop, like the timer in a Thanksgiving turkey.

“Thank you.” I shoot our housekeeper a grateful smile and grab my purse, deciding to walk the few blocks to the chic Madison Avenue shop that sells the most gorgeous baby clothes and crib bedding I’ve ever seen. Spending money on my babies doesn’t bother me in the slightest, even though I still ca

I’m finally starting to feel good again, now that the morning sickness has subsided. Or, in my case, all day sickness.

Turning the corner onto Madison, I feel a twinge in my back. Maybe it wasn’t such a smart idea to walk. But I’ve remained fairly active, despite the morning sickness and, well, twins. My yoga studio offers pre-natal classes and I’m a regular. Surely a fifteen-minute walk isn’t too much?

But then, Ouch, there it is again. A little lower this time.

Spotting the familiar dove gray awning emblazoned with white lambs, I push through the door and head straight for the kidney-shaped sofa in the middle of the store. Amanda, the sales clerk with whom I have an appointment, comes right over. “Mrs. Stockton, so nice to see you. I have a few things set aside already, if you would like to come with me?”

“I think I just need a minute,” I wheeze, rummaging in my bag for a bottle of water. “Shoot, I forgot—”

“Something to drink? Of course. Water? Or tea? We have green, iced, sweet, or non?”

Her words blur together. “Just water, please. Cold.” I close my eyes, resting my head against the back of the couch.

“Here you go.” Amanda returns moments later, holding a glass.

My hand shakes as I bring it to my mouth. Water has never tasted so good.

“Mrs. Stockton, I don’t think you look very well. Can I call someone for you?”

“No need! I’m right here, sorry I’m late.” Sadie breezes in, looking effortlessly pretty in a crisp black top and frayed ski

With my mom doing well, she moved to the city from Sackett a few months ago, around the time I found out I was pregnant. I’m glad to have Sadie close. With Tucker so busy at work, my sister has been an absolute godsend. She’s been staying in our guest bedroom for the time being, working odd jobs and looking for an apartment. Tucker and I have both offered to help her get on her feet, but selfishly I love knowing she’s just down the hall, especially when Tucker’s away. And her erratic hours make it easy for her to join me at doctor’s appointments and shopping for the babies.

I finish the last of my water and hold out the glass to Amanda. I feel better now. “Hey, sis. I must be turning into a whale. I’m winded just walking here.”

She reaches out her hand. “Come on, you’ve barely crossed the half-way point, it’s too soon to be playing the prego card.”

I force a laugh and let her help me up. Sadie is right. Twenty-three weeks is too early to become a couch potato, even with twins. Back on my feet, I take a deep breath. “Okay, let’s start with bedding. The cribs are all set up and I’d like—” Suddenly, there is a strange, twisting pain deep inside my stomach and warmth rushes down my pants.

Oh my God, have I wet myself? I’ll never be able to show my face in this store again.

Then I see their faces, looking first at Sadie and then to Amanda. Identical expressions of horror. I peer down. There is a puddle leeching into the white rug at my feet, and my pants are wet. Glancing back at the gorgeous gray silk couch, I breathe a relieved sigh, thankful that at least that has been spared. And that’s when it hits me. Something is wrong. Very wrong. My eyes are drawn back to the rug—the very white rug with a distinctively pinkish puddle. Oh, dear God. No. No, no, no.

Sadie is the first to speak, turning to Amanda. “Get us a cab. Now.” Amanda sprints outside as Sadie takes my arm, guiding me though the store and out the front door. A yellow taxi screeches to a halt at the curb and we get in. Sadie barks the name of the nearest hospital to the driver, and I take one last look at the white lambs happily prancing across the store’s elegant gray awning before we pull away.