We Are Us

At my gasp, Gavin sighs. “Doug was there too. My father beat him to a pulp, apparently.”

I make a small noise of acknowledgment, although my sympathy lies solely with his foster parents. They were nice people. “I went to the gas station a few times. I tried asking about you but he didn’t…”

“Bill didn’t say anything to anyone. Especially once he saw the lengths my father was willing to go to track down my mother.” Gavin squeezes my hand. “Things were crazy with my mom. Moving from place to place. One minute she’d be crying, thanking me for getting her away from him. The next she’d be yelling, hating me for keeping her away. I didn’t want to bring you into my mess and since my note explained everything, I thought you would understand. Then I got shot and—”

Pain shoots through me. “You what?”

He sighs. “Turns out my mom called my dad, told him where we were. He decided to follow through on his threat—that if she ever left him, he’d kill her. Except that I got in the way.”

“Oh my God.” I narrow in on the scar between his lip and chin. “Did he do that to you?”

He nods, then pulls the collar of his shirt away from his neck. A raised stripe mars the otherwise smooth skin. “We fought. The gun went off, hit me, I survived. It went off again, he died.”

“Gavin.” I say his name because I don’t know what else to say.

“I hated him, Poppy. So much. But after I killed him… I was pretty fucked up. I was in no shape to be with anyone, even you, for a really long time.” His voice is a hoarse rasp that scrapes at my nerve endings.

“What about your mom?”

Gavin’s features tighten, pain etched into the grooves crossing his forehead, bracketing his mouth. “When she saw what I’d done, she tried to take the gun away from me. She wanted to kill me.”

I suck in a deep breath, the air stinging my lungs. “No.”

“Yeah. She still hasn’t forgiven me.”

“But you nearly died protecting her.” Just like Gavin said he would, years ago.

If she left him, I’d protect her. Whatever it took.

And it nearly took his life.

“She doesn’t see it that way.”

I shake my head. “I don’t understand.”

“I thought about finding you then. I missed you so—”

A frisbee whizzes by and I look up, startled by the intrusion of real life. People are going about their day. Walking to class, hanging out with friends, playing fucking frisbee.

“So, what did you do? After…”

“A lot of it’s a blur. But, and I know this sounds really weird, the only thing that made sense to me was math. Numbers. We were in Michigan at the time, and the only way I could afford to go back to school was through a program with the military.”

“But now you’re here, at Worthington. Are you transferring?”

Before my hopes can rise, he dashes them. “No. One of my professors is ex-Coast Guard. He still consults for them and invited me onto one of his projects. Their research facility isn’t far from here, so I flew out to get up to speed. I knew I had to come see you. To explain what happened in person, and to see if there was any chance of us—” At my wince, Gavin breaks off.

Us. I’m too confused and overwhelmed with all that I’ve learned to think about us yet. Staring at Gavin’s fatigues, I put off grappling with my emotions by trying to follow his timeline. Clinging to facts rather than feelings. “So… you’re joining the Coast Guard?”

“Not exactly. But any opportunity to work on cutting-edge applications could be a stepping stone to get where I really want to be.”

I take a minute to digest what he just said before asking, “And where’s that?”

He looks at me strangely, as if I should know. “The FBI.”

Of course. “Always a hero, huh?”

“Not always, Poppy.” His eyes drop to my lips, and the yearning inside their depths slays me. “I didn’t save us, did I?”