We Are Us

Chapter 11 Worthington University

Fall Semester, Freshman Year

“Are you going to close that?” Wren’s voice is a mix of bored and disdainful as she points a manicured fingernail behind me.

I ease my backpack onto my bed, nearly groaning as the heavy weight slides off my shoulders. “Sure thing.”

We’ve been sleeping less than ten feet away from each other for a month and our relationship is just as formal and stilted now as it was the day we moved in. I can’t say I’m surprised. I knew from the moment I saw her side of the room that we’d never be friends.

I can’t blame it all on Wren, though. I’m no better at making friends here than I was in Sackett.

I miss Gavin.

So damn much.

I still find myself looking for him around every corner. I’ll see a flash of blond hair sliding against a square jawline or the shadow of sooty black lashes fa

But it’s never him. No one else has the same unruly golden mane as Gavin. No one else has eyes the exact shade of my heartbreak. No one else has sculpted lips that whispered such sweet, sweet lies.

I know I should be moving forward and making friends and acting like a typical college freshman—studying and partying and eating too much late night pizza.

But I’ve never been a typical anything.

And even though Gavin doesn’t deserve my tears, I can’t seem to stop shedding them. Missing him is an ache that never subsides.

Before I can close the door I’ve left ajar, it flies open, hitting the adjacent wall with a slap. Holding a bottle of tequila in one hand and a folded slice of pizza in the other, Tucker Stockton—Wren’s closest guy friend who finds a reason to stop by at least once a day—walks in, trailed by one of his lacrosse team buddies. “Thought we’d pre-party here.”

Wren’s glossy lips curve into a smile as she sets her enormous art history textbook aside. “It’s about time.”

“Hey, Poppy.” Tucker sits at the end of Wren’s bed while his friend yanks my chair from under my desk, spins it around, then straddles it.

“Hi.” I give an awkward wave from my side of the room.

Tucker holds his pizza a few inches from Wren’s mouth and she takes a small bite from the edge. “You brought the shot glasses, right, Sully?”

“’Course.” Tucker tosses Sully the bottle and he catches it midair.

I stand up, throwing my backpack over my shoulder before this gets any more awkward. There’s no need to wait until I’m the only one without a shot. “See you later. Have f—”

I spin around, almost knocking the glass out Tucker’s hand. The one extended toward me. “Oh.” I feel my cheeks turning pink. “That’s okay, I don’t want to impose.”

What I want is to hide in the library until I’m certain they’re gone. Tucker and Wren finish each other’s sentences and laugh at shared jokes I don’t understand. I asked Wren if Tucker was her boyfriend, but she just replied, There’s no label for what we are. Being around them is like taking a salt bath with open wounds.

“Impose,” Tucker repeats softly, looking back at Wren with an amused expression on his face. “I like your roommate, Wren.”

“She’s a keeper,” Wren responds, her tone droll.

I take the glass from Tucker. “Um, thanks.” I’ll just have the one and go.

Sully lifts the bottle overhead. “Let’s get drunk!”

Let’s not. After Gavin left, I’d occasionally broken down and retreated to my bedroom with a bottle of my mom’s wine. And I regretted it every time. I don’t want to be the kind of person who drowns their sorrows with alcohol, and I know I’ll never find solace at the bottom of a bottle.

But tonight, I swallow the tequila gratefully. It burns a path down my throat, exploding into flames inside my stomach.

I cough as I wave a hand in front of my mouth, my eyes watering.

“For God’s sake, be quiet,” Wren hisses. “You’ll have Michael ru

Michael is the resident advisor assigned to our floor—an upperclassman who gets free room and board in exchange for keeping an eye on about thirty freshmen. He seems nice enough, but if he spots us with alcohol, he’ll have to confiscate it and make a report to campus security.

I grab for the water bottle beside my bed. “Sorry. That one just… went down wrong.”

Sully refills my glass. “Here, have another before we head to The Hill.”

“Oh, no thanks.” I gulp at my water. “I’m going back to the library.”

“Of course, you are,” Wren says, managing to look both pleased and irritated at the same time.

“On a Friday night?” Tucker asks. “You should come with us.”

Wren’s hand closes over Tucker’s shoulder and gives it a squeeze. “I don’t think it’s really her scene, Tuck.” And then she slants a look at me, one eyebrow raised in challenge.

Something inside me bristles at my roommate’s dismissive tone, at her scornful glance. But I shrug it off. “I wouldn’t know,” I admit. “I’ve never been to The Hill.”

“Never?” Sully’s dumfounded expression is almost comical.

“It’s only been a month. I’m still settling in.”

“Then you definitely have to come with us.” Tucker turns to Wren. “Tell her.”

Wren arches a perfectly plucked brow, her lips flattening into a thin line. “Tell her what?”

“Tell her to come with us. That she’ll have fun.”

She squirms slightly, then glares at me. “What he said.”

Sully saves me from responding when he taps the rim of his shot glass against mine. Without thinking, I pour the tequila down my throat, coughing a little less this time.

“So,” Sully moves his chair closer to my bed, “if you haven’t been partying at The Hill, where do you go?”

I can already feel the alcohol slowing down my brain. “Go… ?”

“Yeah, to party.” Sully looks genuinely interested, his eyes only flicking away from mine long enough to pour refills for everyone else.

Tucker kicks his legs out in front of him. “She’s probably hanging out with her boyfriend, dumb-ass.”

I bite down on the inside of my cheek, pain slicing through me at the reminder of Gavin. Sometimes, I miss him so much my bones pulse with loneliness. This is one of those times. “Um, no. No boyfriend,” I mumble, flushing with embarrassment even as I continue babbling. “Not anymore. I did though. He was supposed to be here with me at Worthington. But he’s not. He just… He left.”

I finally stop talking, mortified. And sad. So very sad.

For a moment, the room is quiet. And then Sully, Tucker, and Wren all burst into laughter. “Seriously, where did you find her?” Tucker eventually asks Wren.

She lifts her shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. “I didn’t. She was just here when I arrived.”

My cheeks burn as they laugh—at me—again. I can’t believe I opened up to them about Gavin. I haven’t told my own sister about him and tonight, with people I barely know—and in Wren’s case, don’t even like—I open up like I’m at a high school slumber party. The kind I’d never been invited to.

Before I can change my mind, I make a decision. If on-campus parties aren’t my scene, then why am I here? I need to move on. Try to make actual friends. Worthington isn’t a big school, but it’s certainly bigger that East Sackett. There has to be someone I can co

The serene smile I force onto my face contradicts the defiance in my gaze as I meet Wren’s stare. “Actually, I think I’ve studied enough for today. A party sounds fun.”