We Are Us

“I love you.” My words emerge as a whisper, although I could gleefully shout them at the sky.

Gavin echoes them against my lips, drawing me into another kiss. The sounds of the forest swell around us, mimicking my own restlessness and impatience.

Wind tugs at gnarled branches that arc over our heads, their leaves swishing. Birds twitter and chirp, their wings flapping as they jump from one perch to the next. Not even the shrubs clinging to the forest floor are silent, their verdant depths rustling as chipmunks and squirrels scavenge for fallen acorns.

But I’m not paying attention to any of it.

Because within our wild universe, Gavin is my sun. The biggest, brightest, most beautiful star. I am pulled to him by gravitational forces that exist just between us. Our own atmosphere, our own electrical currents. We are a galaxy unto ourselves.

Throwing a knee over Gavin’s legs, I push my hands into the hair at the back of his neck and sit astride his lap. Gavin’s fingers slide beneath my shirt, following the ladder of my spine until he reaches my bra. Unclasping it, he cups my breasts in his hands and I let out a wanton, yearning cry as his thumbs sweep over the sensitive peaks of my nipples. Between my legs, there is a pulsing, a second heartbeat that grows more insistent with each kiss, each caress.

Pressed up against me is proof that Gavin feels the same way. I rock my hips against him, his moan sending a tremble through my bones. My hands become greedy, reaching beneath his shirt to explore his muscles. Gavin has filled out in the past three years, he’s no longer the lanky boy I first met.

I’ve changed, too. Last winter, my breasts appeared almost overnight. My hips curving enough that I needed a bigger jean size.

When I reach for my own hem, intending to pull off my shirt, Gavin stops me. “No, Poppy. We can’t.”

Shaken by a mix of frustration, disappointment, and embarrassment, I blink back the sting of tears. “Why not?”

He takes a few ragged breaths. “I don’t want to roll around in a cave with you. You deserve better.”

I shake my head in protest, desperate to both allay Gavin’s concerns and satisfy the primitive mating instinct surging through my veins. “We found this place together; we’ve made it our own. And besides, all I need is you.”

For a moment, I think Gavin will change his mind. That love and lust will win out. But then his features harden, his voice modulating. “Not yet, Poppy. I want to make it special for you. And I’m not… I’m not prepared.”

“Not…” It takes me a minute, but I finally realize what he’s saying. “Oh,” is the only thing that comes out of my mouth. Condoms. Of course. Why would he carry them around if we aren’t having sex? Yet.

The determination filling my lungs evaporates in a rush and I slide off his lap, adjusting my clothes. The heavy weight of our awkward silence presses down on my shoulders.

Eventually, Gavin breaks it. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

I immediately think the worst. “Oh, God—what’s he done?” He is Doug, of course. After that afternoon last summer, Doug had apparently spent the next few hours drinking before slamming his truck into a tree.

He walked away without a scratch. Well, technically he didn’t walk since he was unconscious when police arrived on the scene. They brought him to the hospital to rule out internal injuries, then to the local jail when his bloodwork revealed an alcohol content twice the legal limit. Since it was Doug’s second DUI, he spent a few months in jail and has been on probation ever since.

Mostly, he’s avoided Gavin. But, like so many other things—it’s probably just a matter of time before he returns to his old tricks. Although now, Doug has to know he won’t emerge from a fight with Gavin unscathed.

“Yeah?”

“I got a job. A second job, at a warehouse,” he amends. “For the days Bill doesn’t need me at the gas station. The shifts are right after school, and the pay is pretty good.”

A second job means more demands on his time and less of it for me. For us. “Wow. Um, congratulations.”

My attempt at feigning excitement isn’t very convincing and Gavin easily sees through it, ru

“S-so when am I going to see you,” I stutter. As it is, we only have one or two afternoons to spend together now, and when school lets out in a couple of months, we’ll have even less.

“We’ll find time.”

My shoulders slump. I love our afternoons in the woods together.

Sure, sometimes it’s frustrating as hell when the weather gets in the way.

But mostly, it feels romantic. Old-fashioned, but in a good way.

This past winter, when the preserve was impassable for months at a time, we’d arranged to meet up at the library every Wednesday. Not coincidentally, this was the day Sadie stayed after school for her creative writing club. Otherwise, I knew she would want to come with me—the library was her favorite place—and even though Gavin and I were venturing out of the forest, I still wasn’t ready to share him with my sister yet. And sometimes on the weekends, I pretended to have a babysitting job but met Gavin at the movies instead.

“When do you start?”

He swallows, the bob of his Adam’s apple making me wary. “Tomorrow.”