We Are Us

He throws a dubious stare my way. “How do you figure?”

“Well, maybe your mom was worried he would come after her, after you both. Maybe leaving you was the best option to keep you safe.”

“I’m not a little kid anymore. If she left him, I’d protect her.” A vein pulses at Gavin’s neck, tension pulling his shoulders closer to his ears. “Whatever it took.”

“Well, that’s probably—”

“I get what you’re trying to do, Poppy. And thanks. But it’s fine. I’m fine,” Gavin insists.

“I’m not—”

“If my mom showed up one day, wanting help to get away from my dad—I’d drop everything to go with her, to keep her safe. But it’s never going to happen.”

“It might. Never say never.”

He releases a humorless half-laugh. “Your mom fought her demons and won—and that’s awesome. But she’s the exception, not the rule.”

I know when I’m beat. Even if the theory I proposed just to give Gavin an alternate narrative to consider is true—I have no way of knowing, or proving, that it is. “I think, at least in my mom’s case… I think every day is another fight. Addiction is a battle you never really win. And maybe that’s why my dad didn’t stick around.”

“She’s clean now though, right?”

The sharp cry of a hawk makes me think about the mama fox and her babies, and I hope they’re all safe. “She still drinks, but she doesn’t do any of that other stuff. And she doesn’t have guys over anymore.”

Noticing the shudder I can’t quite suppress, Gavin frowns. “Did someone—”

I shake my head, hurrying to reassure him. “No. It wasn’t like that.”

I don’t tell Gavin how close it came. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night to find my mother in my bed, slurring apologies about what she put us through. During the day though, she pretends like none of it happened at all.

He sighs. “There are some really shitty people in the world.”

“Yeah. But luckily, there are some really good ones, too.” I am drawn back into the intense vortex of Gavin’s stare and I feel myself leaning into him, inch by inch, until his breath is a welcome caress against my lips. I stop myself from kissing him just in time, swallowing hard.

“So…” I search for something else to say, anything else, and decide to broach a subject I attempted once before, the day a rough branch had ripped Gavin’s shirt, exposing a dark blue bruise that stained the skin over his ribcage. He’d rebuffed me then, but I sense an opening now. “Have you considered telling your foster parents about—”

Gavin’s brows pull together over the bridge of his nose in a fierce scowl and he moves away from me. “No.”

“Why? He’s not your mom, you don’t have to protect him.”

“I’m not protecting him.”

“Then why not say something? He’s hurting you.”

“I only let Doug get a punch in every once in a while so he won’t do worse, like convince his parents to send me back. And they love him. Do you really think they’d keep me around if I tell them their kid is a dick?”

“But—”

“No. I can’t take the chance.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Leaving here would mean leaving you, Poppy.”

The sweetness of Gavin’s admission is almost lost as the truth behind it slaps me in the face. For the first time, it occurs to me how tenuous our relationship is.

We might be hunkered down inside this cave, shielded by thick walls, but our relationship is hardly invulnerable. Like a spider’s web, the co

“For now, it’s enough that you know the truth,” he continues. “And when the time is right, he’ll get what’s coming to him.” His voice lowers to a gritted rasp. “They all will.”

A breath of chilled air wafts across the back of my neck, skating across taut nerves and sending a tremor down my spine.

Gavin glances at me with concern. “Cold?”

I blink dully, ignoring the question. I’m not sure what I am right now. Knowing what Gavin is dealing with, just to stay here, just to be with me, is a lot to take in. And so is knowing that, all the while, his resentment is brewing. “Remind me never to get on your bad side.” I mean it as a lighthearted joke, but it doesn’t come out that way.

Gavin pins me in place with a broody stare, stilling the breath in my chest. And then his face breaks into a grin, as bright as the sun sliding out from behind a cloud. What he says is just as blinding, taking me completely by surprise. “I think it’s impossible for anyone to have a bad side around you, Poppy. You’re kind and fu

A tangled knot of gratitude laced with fear expands inside my chest. Gratitude at the confirmation that my feelings aren’t entirely one-sided. Gavin likes me, too.

Thank God, because I can’t even imagine my life without him in it.

And fear, for exactly the same reason. What if Gavin’s mom returns for him? Or Doug succeeds in getting his parents to send Gavin away? “Promise me we’ll always be friends, okay?”

“Always,” he says.

Maybe because I know it’s a promise he might not be able to keep, I lift my hand, pinkie extended.

Gavin laughs. “You’re going to make me pinkie swear?”

“I am.”

And he does, locking fingers with me and giving me a little tug forward. “Poppy?”

“Yes?”

“What if I want to be more than friends?”

My throat is suddenly dry, my voice quivering from an excess of emotions I’m not quite sure I can contain. “Do you?”

“Yeah. I do.”

A gust of wind suddenly whips through the trees, sending leaves fluttering to the ground like confetti. “I think… I think I’d like that.” Talk about an understatement.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” I repeat. Gavin’s grip on my finger loosens, his hand sliding over my wrist and along my forearm until it curves around the back of my shoulder and I’m floating inside the ocean of his eyes, my heart thudding with the knowledge that this moment—this very moment—is exactly what I’ve been waiting for.

My wish is actually coming true.

I’ve never been kissed. And I’ve wanted to be kissed by Gavin for almost as long as I’ve known him.

It’s a yearning I’ve grown accustomed to, like the tug on my heart every time our eyes co

Gavin’s fingers push through my hair to cradle my head. We are so close, I can see flecks of black and gold around Gavin’s pupils, and the way each iris is made up of layered, interlocking rings of blue, from pale morning sky to deepest midnight—like the circular growth rings of a tree. His eyes are the doors to a world that calls to me. A future we’ll share, together.

At first, Gavin’s mouth merely hovers over mine. I’m not at all sure he’ll actually kiss me. Maybe his breath is all I’ll get.

But, after a moment, I feel the soft press of Gavin’s lips on mine. It’s enough, more than enough, for the thrill of possession to weave through me, for the spark of infatuation to burst into a more enduring flame, for me to be forever marked by my first kiss.

Initially, we’re both clumsy and stiff, my neck cocked at a strange angle and his fingertips digging into my ribs. But eagerness and enthusiasm win out.

Our mouths open, our tongues tentatively sliding together. His grip relaxes, and I loop my wrists over his shoulders.