Blame it on the shame Part 3

I reach for the bu

Then I yank the cord to my alarm clock out from the wall and plug it back in.

I can't go to the church anymore since I no longer live anywhere near it, so this has become my new nightly ritual.

I stare at the now blinking red light that takes me back to the day I both heard and saw Thumper's heartbeat for the first and only time.

My chest caves in and a fresh batch of sobs begin with a vengeance.

I miss what I'll never have.

I miss Ricardo.

But most of all, I miss myself—because I'll never be whole again.