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I can feel the sins pumping through his veins, I can feel the anger and rage simmering inside him.
His grip tightens and he slowly cuts off my air supply.
For three painful beats of my heart our eyes lock and I think he's actually going to kill me.
My chest heaves, the combination of the heavy rain and his own hand taking life from me, but I don't protest and I don't stop him.
Because I don't have to.
Because I know him better than he knows himself.
Because when he's lost his way, I know how to bring him back.
He was right before, I'm not his cure...but I want to be the balm to soothe that ache inside of him.
I want to be the one to hold his hand through it all, the one he can come to when the world becomes too much.
The rain is pouring down in buckets making it hard to see, but I feel his armor start to break. I feel my Ricky break for me when he releases his hand and buries his face into my neck. "I need to go away for good. I'm in a dark place, Lou-Lou. A place I won't ever be able to escape."
His hands grab at the fabric of my dress until he's hugging me so tight it makes me want to cry, but I stand my ground.
“I know you are,” I tell him, cradling his face so he can look at me. “Because I've been here the whole time."
His heart pounds against mine and I wrap my arms around him tighter, refusing to let him go. "I've been here waiting for my missing piece to find me in the dark."
"I can't pull you out of the dark, baby.” There's defeat in his voice and my heart drops. “I'll only suck you into it further, not rescue you from it.”
In a move that's as risky as it is vital, I pull him into a kiss. When his tongue strokes mine and I can tell he's losing himself in me, I reach for his gun.
He tries to stop me but I'm too quick this time.
I hold it up to my head and cock it and he looks at me like I've lost what's left of my mind.
“I don't know how else to make you understand.” His eyes flash with fear when I dig the gun into my temple and he sees that I'm dead serious.
“I don't know how to make you stay, so I guess I'm going with you. Because where you lead I follow.”
He opens his mouth but I put my finger up to his lips so I can finish saying what he needs to hear. “I'll fight any battle beside you, Ricardo. I'll keep shining the light so you can see and find your way back to me. But you don't get to leave...not without me going with you. So choose our destination. Either you're staying here with me, or I'm following you straight into hell.”
He maneuvers the gun out of my hand and cups my face. “I love you. So fucking much.”
“And I love you.” I fall into his arms as lightning flashes across the sky above us. “I'm not sure where we go from here or how we'll end up...but you leaving me is never the answer. We started off as a tragedy, Ricky. We don't end as one.”