Blame it on the shame Part 3

“Ricardo, what's going on?”

“Nothing.”

The hand on the small of my back stiffens as does the rest of his body. Dread fills my belly, because somehow in the span of two seconds our co

“You don't have to lie to me. Whatever it is I can handle it.”

“This isn't the time or the place, Lou-Lou. Just enjoy the party.”

His tone is distant with the slightest bit of solemn in it.

“Okay.” I stop dancing. “Now I know something is wrong.”

He looks around the room again, his eyes focused on anyone but me. “Nothing is wrong. Come on, just dance with me.”

He reaches for me again but I pull away. “No. I don't want to dance.”

“Why not?”

I take another step back and look down because I can't take the look in his eyes right now. “I don't want to keep dancing with a man who looks like he's about to break my heart before the night is over.”

“Lou-Lou—”

“Tell me, Ricardo. Tell me what you're thinking or I will cause a scene. We don't keep things from one another. Not unless it's life or death.”

I wave my hand in the direction of the people dancing on the dance floor. “Secrets are for other couples who live their perfect little lives with their heads in the clouds. But me and you? We're real, Ricky. We've seen the darkest parts of one another and survived. It's not a matter of life and death anymore. We're finally free...so tell me what's wrong.”

The lights in the room flicker then and the music cuts in and out.

“There's supposed to be a bad storm coming,” someone near us drawls. “Guess it's starting now.”

You've got that right.

“You're free, Lou-Lou.” His hands clench into fists. “Not me.”

“What's that supposed to mean? You killed the council—”

“It means I'm leaving.” He starts walking back over to the bar and I follow him.

“Leaving? What? Why?”

“I'm not discussing this tonight and definitely not here,” he says, his tone clipped.

A horrible thought hits me just then. Maybe this is too much for Ricardo? Maybe I'm just too much and too crazy for him to handle? “You don't want me.” It's not a question, it's the cold, hard truth.

“What?” My statement only seems to make him angrier. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“I—”

He walks behind me and rests his forearms on top of the bar, caging me in.

The lights flicker again but I couldn't care less when I feel his jaw graze my cheek and he leans in and whispers, “You honestly think I don't want you?”

Despite the way my arousal rises to dangerous levels, I find my resolve and focus. “You told me you're leaving me, Ricardo. So it's either because you don't want me...or you don't love me.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. “Perhaps both.”

“Wrong.” His breath tickles my ear and one of his hand’s splays over my stomach, pressing me against him. “I love you so much I can't even see straight...because all I see is you when you're in front of me.”

“Then—”

I'm cut off when his hand slowly travels up my i

“Then why would you leave me?”

I tell myself not to cry, I tell myself not to break down in a room full of strangers, but my eyes start filling with tears anyway. “Why would you leave me when you know how much I need you? How much I love you.”

He presses a kiss to my temple and the hand that was about to cup me between the legs freezes. “Because I love you too much.”

He spins me around and grabs my chin. “I love you...but that love isn't enough to change who I am on the inside, Lou-Lou. The way I love you isn't good for you.”

I reach for him but he backs away. “I love you too much to destroy you. I love you too much to make you watch me turn into him. I won't do that to you.”

He gestures to the dance floor. “Now please try to enjoy yourself, tonight. Go dance and have fun.”

He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses it. “You don't belong in the dark, baby. You were always meant to shine, don't ever forget that.”

This whole time I thought I was the crazy one, but Ricardo must be deranged if he thinks I can ever be without him.

When he starts walking away, taking my entire heart with him, I make another snap decision. The second most critical one of my entire life.

It's not a mature decision, and it's not the brightest one I've had, but it's something I know will set him off. It might not make him stay, but it will cause him to have no choice but to let me reach him, in the only way I know how.

The strobe lights on the dance floor flicker and I march up to some random man. I don't know who he is, but he seems more than happy to let me have my dirty little way with him.

I position myself so I'm facing Ricardo's back as he continues walking out of the room and away from me.

I bring the man's hand to the front of my dress, letting him roam over my tits as I snake my arm around his neck and grind against him to the music.

Then I call out Ricardo's name...because I want him to see this.

There aren't enough words to describe how downright scary he looks when he finally turns around and sees some guys hands all over what should be his.

It's far past jealousy, it's obsession in the purest, darkest form.

And that right there tells me that when Ricardo said he was going away...he meant it permanently, because Ricardo can't stay away from me and I sure as shit can't stay away from him.

His eyes tell me I'm his target, but when he draws his gun, he aims it at the man who's still dancing in his ignorant bliss against me.

Since I'm not looking to get this man killed, I quickly break away from the dance and run up to Ricardo.

A flash of lightning zaps outside the window right before the lights in the building cut off for good.

In one fell swoop, he wraps his fingers around my wrist, pulling me toward him and yanking me out of the room.

I don't know how he can see or make out where he's going when it's pitch black, but he keeps walking and I fight like hell to keep up.

“You did that on purpose,” he growls. “I was going to kill that man.”

“I had to,” I say and his grip on my wrist tightens. I need him to know that I love him and I don't give a flying fuck who he killed or who he may kill in the future.

I need him to know that I understand his urges. I understand his reasons for being what he is. I understand the things inside him he can't control.

And I still love him. I love all of him and I would never want him to change.

I need him to know once and for all that he's not Bruno DeLuca in the only way I know how to show him.

I'm saving Ricardo if it's the last thing I do.

And if I can't save him?

Then I'm joining him tonight. We can roast fucking marshmallows in the pits of hell for eternity for all I care.

Either way, he doesn't get to walk away from me without a fight. And since Ricardo is a fighter first and foremost, I know he's not going to back down from this one.

Ricardo's not easy to love...neither of us are.

But it's the people who aren't easy to love who need love the most.

I know that because Ricardo gave me love when no one else did. He loved me when no one else knew how to.

And I'm going to give that love right back to Ricardo.

Even if he ends up killing us both in the process.