Blame it on the shame Part 2

Chapter 48 (Ricardo)

I fall against my door and drag a hand down my face.

Between DeLuca's murder, being interrogated at the police station...and Ford pulling a dick move and getting Jackson arrested for killing the asshole who beat his little sister to death. It's been the day of all fucking days today.

But none of that compares to the hollow feeling lying smack-dab in the middle of my chest caused by her absence.

She's gone.

I close my eyes and force myself to breathe as I ride out the pain. She deserves this. I did the right thing.

Even so... I still can't seem to shake this unsettling feeling that's currently nagging at me.

Our last conversation in the church plays throughout my head and I feel my chest sink as I recall what she told me.

"No. I don't want to travel, I can't have babies anymore...and I don't want anyone else in the world but you. "

I spring up like a slingshot as five little words ricochet and pummel me over and over again.

I can't have babies anymore.

That wasn't DeLuca's doing. It couldn't have been. It wouldn’t make any sense.

My head throbs and my blood turns cold as I run out the door.

The lights are off when I enter the fight club...with the exception of the cage which is illuminated in the background.

I take another step into the darkness...the sickness deep within me is rising and my veins are turning to pure ice the closer I get to him.

His back is turned to me when I approach him and my fists clench at my sides.

"I only talked to Ford to protect you—" Emilio begins but he doesn't have a chance to finish that statement.

When he spins around I punch him in the mouth. The sound of his jaw cracking and his teeth breaking only serve to awaken the demon inside me.

I'm out for his blood and I won't stop until I steal every last drop of it.

He curses and leans over to spit a few teeth out and I strike again. This time, I bring my knee to his nose. "You know, I can forgive you for Ford," I grit low and deadly. "I can understand how you thought that was the only way to protect the both of us."

His hands move in front of his face when I advance toward him again. He attempts to twist away from me but I grip his hair and bash his head into the hard floor. "But I will never forgive you for what you did to her. What you did to our baby."

"It was the only way to protect you—" He pants out. "DeLuca would have killed you if she had that baby." His voice breaks. "I've always looked out for you, Ricardo. You know that."

The crunch from my fist sinking into his mouth causing him to choke is satisfying...but I'm far from finished with this traitorous motherfucker.

I laugh and the sound echoes throughout the room. "Say your prayers, Emilio....because you're a dead man."

His eyes flash and he lifts his chin. "You can't kill me, Ricardo." He pushes me. "You know why I've made it my mission to protect you all these years? Huh?" When I don't answer him he stands up and says, "Because I promised your mother I would. She knew what being in DeLuca's world would do to you and she made me promise to intervene before it changed you."

He spits blood on the ground and glares at me. "You can't kill me Ricardo...because I'm your motherfucking conscience." He opens his arms wide and gestures around the room with a big smile. "I'm your moral fucking compass in this life full of sin and you know it."

He takes a step forward and gets close to my face. "I'm the only link to your good side. You can't kill me...because then you become hi—"

My knife plunging straight into his chest silences him. He begins coughing and spitting up blood as I drag the knife down to his stomach.

It's music to my ears when he lets out a tremulous cry and I grab him by his chin. "Did she cry too, Emilio?"

I twist the knife and begin filleting him open as he screams and begs for me to stop. "Did she cry and scream when our baby was ripped out of her?"

His breathing slows, his eyes become dimmer, and his blood oozes out of him by the bucket load.

I snarl as I reach inside the deep gash I've made and begin pulling out his stomach lining.

He lets out a strangled scream when I hold his entrails up and examine them. "What does my moral compass have to say about this?"

I stuff his intestines in his mouth and shove them as far down his throat as I can. "Oh, that's right...you can't speak."

I stare down at him and grin as his body spasms, life leaves his eyes, and he finally goes stiff.

As I step away, I fill my lungs and take a deep breath.

I've never felt so alive...so in control...so powerful.

So free.