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And if I'm being honest?
There's a tiny part of me that's a bit jealous...because the look in Jackson's eyes was like nothing I've ever seen before.
But then again, she looks as pure as the driven snow...right down to her blonde hair and hazel eyes.
Of course, guys go crazy over girls like her.
Ricardo says he loves me and I know I love him...but there will always be a small part of me that doubts his love for me because of who I really am inside.
Not to mention the elephant in the room between us.
DeLuca will be coming back from Italy.
I've already come to terms with the fact that there's no way Ricardo will be able to come up with a plan to get me to stay.
Because the reality is...there is no plan great enough for that to happen. I've been wracking my brain each and every night trying to come up with one and I've got nothing.
My heart belongs to Ricardo, but the rest of me belongs to DeLuca.
I'll have no choice but to go back to him...there's no way Ricardo would put Jackson and Tyrone in harm’s way.
He will always choose them. And while I understand and I'll never blame him for that...it does make me feel like I'm second best.
Sometimes even further down the list.
And that feeling? Is why I'm currently in a horrible mood at the moment.
Ricardo studies my face."What is going on with you?"
"Nothing...just tired is all," I lie. Then I remember. "So, why didn't you tell me you hired a new ring girl?"
He gives me a peculiar look. "I didn't. I was just as surprised as you were to see her. That's why I had Luke fire her."
He takes a breath and averts his gaze. "Then I punched him in the face for not helping her," he mumbles.
I try not to let my jealousy get even more out of control with that comment. The girl was being assaulted after all.
Had I not been on the sidelines of the cage I would have punched the bastard myself.
"The only person who could have hired her was DeLuca and he would have told me—" He stops mid-sentence appearing to be lost in thought. "Shit, maybe he did."
"You don't remember DeLuca telling you he hired a new ring girl?"
He slowly drags his gaze up and down my body and I feel my temperature skyrocket. "I was a little distracted during our last conversation."
He jerks his head to the side and the moment between us is lost. "I'll have to ask Luke how she got here. He's been getting a little too big for his britches since DeLuca's been gone, thinking he's second in command or some shit. For all I know, he could have hired her."
"I wouldn't put it past him," I note. "She's pretty and Luke's a perv."
He opens his mouth to say something but his phone rings. He pinches the bridge of his nose and I already know it's DeLuca.
Ricardo puts him on speakerphone. "Who the fuck was that girl in the cage tonight?" DeLuca screams. "I swear to god, if she's another one of your goddamned whores again you'll be sorry. That bitch almost cost me a shitload of money with her little stunt—"
Whoa...he's angry.
"Calm down, Babbo," Ricardo roars. "Christ, I have no idea who she is or how she got hired in the first place. Luke must have hired her without ru
"Shit," DeLuca mutters.
"Don't worry. I had him fire the girl. She won't be a problem anymore."
"And what about Jackson," DeLuca sneers.
I see the hairs on Ricardo's neck stand up and I sit up in my seat. "What about him?" Ricardo bites out.
"He got punched in the face tonight."
Ricardo throws his hands up. "Jesus, DeLuca. You can't seriously be mad about one punch to the fucking face in three years. He's never even been hit before. He still won the fight and you still made your money."
"I don't want him to make it a habit is all I'm saying," DeLuca grumbles.
"It's my job to make sure our guys win the fight," Ricardo says. "You can't expect them not to get hit. It's the name of the game."
DeLuca mumbles something under his breath before barking, "How's Lucia
"She's fine. She's sleeping on the couch."
"Make sure she's eating. She looked too ski
I make a face and Ricardo shakes his head and laughs. "Look, I'm only supposed to make sure she's safe. She's 24, she's perfectly capable of feeding herself. Why don't you pass the message along to her? It's bad enough she's ruining my social life by sleeping on my couch every night and I have to see her all the time. What the hell was the point of leasing her an apartment?"
I flip him the bird and he blows me a kiss.
DeLuca mutters a string of curses before finally hanging up.
"Thanks," I say. "Now he'll be calling my phone and harassing me."
"Well, you're the one who said we need to keep having him think we don't get along, remember?" he tosses back.
As if on cue, my phone rings. "Hi, mio amore," I answer.
"I thought you were sleeping?"
"I was sleeping but your son just woke me up and shoved a plate of pasta in my face. Prick."
DeLuca sighs. "He's only doing what I asked him to do. You really need to start eating more and taking care of yourself. I don't like the way you looked tonight. The bags under your eyes were worse than usual and you looked too damn ski
Ricardo's hands clench at his sides but I give him a warning glance.
Then, I put my head between my legs and force myself to breathe so I don't go off on DeLuca myself. "Gee, thanks."
"Stop being so sensitive, Bambina. I need you nice and healthy for when I get back." Before I can question him about that statement, he says, "Now go back to bed and get some sleep. I love you."
I force back the vomit from those words and Ricardo's jaw hardens. "Goodnight," I whisper.
"Goodnight what?"
"Goodnight, mio amore," I say before hanging up the phone.
After a few moments, I look up at Ricardo. "Do you think I'm too ski
"You're perfect," he says quickly. A little too quickly.
I throw a pillow at him. "Well, if that wasn't an automatic response, I don't know what was."
He kneels down in front of me and lifts my chin. "Truth?"
When I nod he says, "I'll always think you're beautiful. Whether you're 100lbs or 500lbs. I'll always crave every single inch of your body."
He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and his gaze softens."Another truth? DeLuca's not exactly wrong—you really haven't been sleeping lately. I feel you tossing and turning in my arms and I know it's not caused by your nightmares. It's caused by the stress of our situation. I know you're worried about going back to him." His voice drops to a whisper. "I'll figure it all out, baby. You just have to trust me."
"I know. I'm trying to. I just—" I can barely control the shaking in my voice. "I'm just trying to be a realist here."
And I'm trying to deal with the fact that I'll always be second best—all while knowing we can't be together once DeLuca comes back.
He gives me a weird look, but I need a distraction so I pull him into a kiss. He moves beside me on the couch and I don't hesitate to straddle him and take off his shirt.