Blame it on the shame Part 2

Who the hell is this girl? I thought she was just some ditz, who despite the horrible misfortune of some guy tricking her into starring in a sex tape...had a relatively easy life.

The life I always wanted.

"Cut to the chase, Lou-Lou. I know how Ford pulls the females in. Tell me what he wanted you to do. And how Jackson is involved."

"That's the thing," I start. "This Ford guy. He seemed to know everything about me. Things that no one knows."

I assume Emilio told him most of it in order to get me to go along with his plan...but now that I think about it—there's really no way he could have known some of the personal things that he did.

Not unless he was close to DeLuca. Fuck.

Holy shit. What if it was DeLuca himself behind this whole thing?

What if it was another trap? On one hand, I'm happy I decided not to go through with it at the last minute. But on the other...Jackson's definitely screwed.

DeLuca will kill him.

Bile works its way up my throat as Ricardo lets out a curse and Alyssa makes a face. "And you didn't find that a little suspicious? You can't be that dumb."

"I'm not dumb," I say. "Of course, I did. But then he offered me a deal."

A way out of this hell hole. Or so I thought.

"Goddammit, Lucia

Two things happen at that moment.

One— I realize this whole thing was definitely a setup. The ultimate setup.

And two—Alyssa points one of the guns at Ricardo and I stop breathing entirely.

I swear, it better just be a threat, because if she makes one wrong move, I will kill her.

"What? What the actual fuck did you just say?" she bellows, and my confusion comes to a peak.

Ricardo runs a hand down his face. "Shit," he says. "Look, Alyssa. Trust me when I say that you're better off not knowing the truth. I don't think you can take it and I'm not going to be the one to tell you."

She shoots the wall beside his head and I gasp. "Tell me. Tell me the fucking truth."

"No. You can shoot me dead, but I will not be responsible for putting the same soul-crushing look on your face that my father did the day he killed your dad!" he roars. "My father's eyes haunt you in your dreams? Well, yours fucking haunt mine!"

It feels like all the air just got sucked out of the room because I think I just figured out exactly who Alyssa is. But God I hope I'm wrong because then we really are fucked right now.

Unless Ricardo can make her understand that although he's Bruno DeLuca's son...he's not a DeLuca.

"You—You were there that day? The day my father was killed?" Alyssa questions, looking at him in disbelief.

"I was 18," Ricardo says. "In fact, it was my 18th birthday. The day I officially became a man. My father wanted to celebrate by showing me what you do to rats. Or specifically, what you do when you find out that one of your men is an undercover agent."

His face contorts in agony. "You weren't the only one locked in a car that day, Alyssa," he says gruffly before his tone turns somber. "I'm so sorry. I liked your dad. We did some runs together and became close. I looked up to him. Wanted to be like him. He used to talk about how much he loved his little goblin— "

She shoots the wall beside his head again and my stomach knots because not only am I petrified for Ricardo—I'm watching Alyssa completely unravel right before my eyes and I can't help but feel bad for her.

However, that doesn't even compare to how bad I feel for Ricardo at the moment.

It makes sense now why Ricardo was so protective over her. He was

right when he said that love wasn't the driving force behind it...it was guilt.

The kind of guilt that eats at your soul...every single day. The kind of guilt that wraps you in so much shame...you pray for the day that someone finally puts you out of your misery.

"Shut the fuck up," she screams. "You didn't know shit about my dad, you piece of shit! Your father killed him! He killed him and I watched every second of it and I saw the look in DeLuca's eyes when he did it. So don't you fucking try and stand there and offer me your condolences or sympathy. Like this is some kind of hallmark moment...when you're literally the spawn of fucking Satan himself!"

His eyes become glassy and so do mine. "I didn't want to be. That day changed me. You have no idea what that day did to me."

"It will never compare to what it did to me."

"I know," he whispers.

"You're the little girl," I say, while looking at Ricardo. "The little girl in his nightmares."

"Stop, Lou-Lou," Ricardo warns.

I know a sick part of him wants Alyssa to keep ripping into him...but I can't bear another second of it. She needs to understand.

"No. You need to know, Alyssa. He's not Bruno. Trust me, you don't know what Ricardo's been through. He's not the bad guy. Bruno is."

She makes a face. "I guess it's time to find out then, huh?"

Ricardo gives her a strange look. "What do you mean?"

"Call your father and find out where he is right now. If you don't, I'll kill her in front of you and give you another nightmare."

I see Ricardo's eyes flash in anger before he picks his shorts up off the floor and starts putting them on.

Alyssa clicks her tongue. "Are you armed?"

Of course, he's armed, you idiot. I'd be willing to bet he's got a knife and a gun in the back pocket of those shorts.

At least, I hope he does.

"Would it matter? I'm not going to kill you," he says.

"A leopard doesn't change its spots," she retorts and I feel my anger flair.

She has no idea that the reason his mother died was because he refused to become a DeLuca after he watched her father die.

"You know, bitch—you're not the only one who watched their parent get murdered by the hands of DeLuca."

"DeLuca killed your parents?" she questions and I feel myself freeze for a moment.

No. No way in hell am I telling her the truth about who I am. Not only is it none of her business...it's my secret. A secret I'll take to the damn grave before I ever tell another soul.

However, if I was going to tell her, it certainly wouldn't be when she's

pointing guns at me and Ricardo.

"Probably," I scoff, trying to play it cool. "Who the fuck knows. However, I was referring to Ricardo."

"He killed your mother?" she asks in his direction.

Ricardo closes his eyes and nods. "Yeah. After I told him that I wanted nothing to do with him and said I would never be like him. He tracked my mother down and taught me another lesson."

"How are you not more fucked up? How did you save yourself from becoming just like him?"

"Believe me, he's plenty fucked up," I whisper before I can stop myself. We both are.

Ricardo doesn't answer her...instead he turns around and reveals the large tattoo scrawled on his back in black ink.

'Sometimes there is absolutely no difference at all between salvation and damnation.'

"It's from the Green Mile," I offer. My heart hammers in my chest because not only is it such an accurate quote for Ricardo—it also happens to be from the book her dad gave to him.

"You going to call him?" she asks after he turns back around.