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Chapter 30 (Lou-Lou)
I close the church doors behind me and zip up my Jacket. It's almost March and it's freezing outside.
I sink against the doors and close my eyes. The hardest part isn't coming here...it's leaving.
It's walking back to my apartment feeling so hollow and alone.
It's missing them both so much that every single part of my body physically aches.
It's thinking of what could have been.
But still...it's nothing compared to the guilt and shame I have for choosing him.
For killing my baby.
The pain is enough to bring me to my knees.
I curl my arms around myself and scream. I scream because I can't cry.
Because I'm not allowed to grieve.
Because I don't deserve to.
Because this is all my fault.
I feel someone tap my shoulder and I jerk my head up to face some man wearing a gray suit. "Can I help you?"
He looks taken back. "Fu
His eyes are piercing blue and I'd be lying if I said he wasn't attractive. If you like the pretty boy look and all.
"I'm fine," I bite out.
"Doesn't appear that way," he says, holding his hand out to me. When I refuse to take it, he flashes me a smile. "I don't bite."
"And I don't talk to strangers."
I get up without his help and he flips open his jacket, revealing a badge. Most people would be nervous about being approached by a cop in the middle of the night, but not me. DeLuca's got the entire city eating out of his pocket, including law enforcement, so I don't have to worry about anything.
"Am I under arrest, Officer Ford Baker?"
"It's Special Agent," he corrects. "And technically I could arrest you for breaking and entering."
"It's a church and it was unlocked." I hold out my hands to him. "But go ahead, Officer. I dare you." I jab my pointer finger into his chest. "Let's see which one of us will be jobless quicker than you can choke on a donut."
He chuckles to himself. "You know, I heard you were a kitty with sharp claws, but it's nothing compared to the real thing, Lucia He wraps his hand around my finger and takes a step forward while I take a step back. "Or do you prefer Mrs. DeLuca?" He leans down until his lips are hovering over my ear. "Or Ms.Travine." Trepidation punches me in the chest because there's no way he should know my real last name. No one does. DeLuca had any and all records of me permanently destroyed after he took me. Hell, up until three months ago I technically didn't even have a last name. There were no traces of me. I decide to opt for an offensive stance instead of a defensive one. "I have no idea what you're talking about. But you're right about something." I jerk my finger from his hand. "I am Bruno DeLuca's wife...therefore you must have one fuck of a death wish tonight." I expect him to start apologizing before he goes ru When I refuse to take it he shoves it into my hand. "I can help you." I can't help but laugh. I may hate DeLuca but I'm not a moron. I know better than to trust a Fed. He scowls at me as I continue laughing at him. "Wow, and here I thought they did a psych analysis before accepting people into the academy." I begin shredding the card. "Look, you're clearly crazy, guy." He huffs. "It's Special—" I pat his shoulder and crinkle my nose. "Agent Ford Baker. I know." I begin walking. "You have two seconds to get back in your car and drive off or I'm telling my husband about this little visit." I hear footsteps behind me before he calls out, "I know you don't want to be with him. Let me help you, Lucia "I don't know what you mean. I'm happily married and I love my husband dearly." "Your husband is the devil," he spits. I twirl around and face him. "Yeah, well. Better the devil you know than the one you don't, right?" "I'm not the devil," he says. "I'm just a man who wants to see DeLuca pay for all the pain he's inflicted." He raises a brow. "I don't know about you...but I'd prefer to see him pay with his life." "You can't just kill DeLuca." I look around, making sure we're still alone. "Trust me, Special Agent. He'd already have a plan in place to take out anyone you ever cared about before you'd get a chance to pull the trigger." I look down. "And if he doesn't...believe me—there's other people who do. People you don't ever want to fuck with." He takes my hand and leads me back to the church. This time, he opens the doors so we're inside. "That's why we set someone else up to take the fall," he says. I gesture between us. "There is no we. I'm not going along with whatever insane thing you're plotting." I go to walk out the door but he reaches for my arm. "I know what he did to you," he whispers. "Both of them." My spine turns to ice and I close my eyes. "Again, I have no idea what you're talking about, Special Agent." "You never got a chance to have a childhood. Did you, Lucia When I don't answer him, he continues. "You weren't allowed to go out, you weren't allowed to have friends...and any friend you did manage to make ended up making fun of you once they found out how different you were." He brushes my hair to the side and kisses my shoulder. "What was it they used to call you again?" He snaps his fingers. "Baby Alive Doll was it?" "Baby dead Doll," I choke out. "That's right." He laughs. "Because you used to—" "Pee my pants just like Baby Alive Doll...only they all hoped I would die so they called me Baby dead Doll." My chest heaves as both the memories and the shame impale me. "I couldn't help it...I—" "Shh. It's okay. It wasn't your fault," he whispers. "Kids are cruel." And so are you. "Why are you doing this to me?" "Because I want to help you." I shake my head and try to twist out of his grasp. "Well, you're not. Besides, my father's dead. DeLuca took care of the problem. So if this was your way of trying to convince me to kill him...you fucked up." My eyes begin to water. "He saved me from him." He nuzzles my neck. "Was it before or after he raped you in his conference room and left you naked on the floor with his jizz sprayed all over you for his men to laugh and gawk at?" He spins me around. "Or was it before or after he first started hitting and choking you when you didn't do what he wanted you to?" He leans in close, his breath feathering my face. "Or was it when he sent you here on a mission to seduce his fighters like you were some kind of call girl and he was your goddamn pimp?" He reaches into his pocket. "Or was it when he took this from you?" He holds up a picture of my sonogram and I drop to the floor. "Tell me, Lucia "Stop!" I scream while snatching the sonogram from him and tucking it away. "How dare you have this. How dare you try and use my—" "I'm sorry." He kneels down and cups my face in his hands. "I'm sorry I had to do that, sweetheart." He kisses my cheek. "I just needed you to see why I want to help you so much." "How do you know about all of this?" "I can't tell you that."