Blame it on the shame Part 2

Chapter 18 (Lou-Lou)

Something is wrong.

I sit up, the pain is extreme but it pales in comparison to a much more potent feeling coursing through me.

I'm alone and raw.

I'm so empty and hollow.

Intense cramps hit me with warped speed and reluctantly, I open my eyes and look down.

The pool of blood on the white sheet draped over me confirms what's physically been done.

The pain radiating in my chest and the despair pumping through my veins confirms that my soul's been ripped out.

My baby's gone. Taken from me...torn from my womb.

Because I'm a failure.

Because I wasn't a good mother.

Because in that brief moment...I chose Ricardo instead of my baby.

If only I had told DeLuca the baby was Ricardo's...he would have had no choice but to let me keep it. The baby would have been protected because it was a DeLuca.

I promised my baby I would love and keep it safe and I didn't.

I chose Ricardo instead.

And I hate him for it.

Tears burn my eyes but I curl my hand into a fist and punch the side of my head to make it stop because I don't deserve to cry over this baby.

I don't deserve to cry and I definitely don't deserve to mourn this loss...because it's All. My. Fault.

I reach down and touch the blood on the sheet, the only remnant I have left. "I'm so sorry, Thumper," I whisper. "I'm so sorry Mommy failed you."