Blame it on the shame Part 2

Chapter 5 (Lou-Lou)

I can't help but laugh as I watch Ricardo walk up the stairs holding what looks to be around 15 bags full of leftovers.

I offered to carry a few but he told me this was a date and I didn't have to lift a finger.

Little does he know, it was more than a date. It was, as always seems to be the case with him; one of the best nights of my life.

"That smells good," Tyrone exclaims as he passes us on the staircase. He stops abruptly when he notices all the bags. "Damn, Ricardo. You bring a whole new meaning to the word excess, brother. When you wine someone they end up so drunk you have to carry them home, and when you dine someone—you order everything on the menu."

"That's exactly what he did." I take a few bags from Ricardo and hand them to Tyrone. "And consider this your consolation prize."

They both look confused until I say, "No offense, Tyrone but as far as first dates go—Ricardo definitely has you beat for the best date I've ever been on. Hands down, no contest."

He grins. "You know, I'd demand a rematch, but I have a feeling our boy would kick my ass in the ring if I did."

"Damn right," Ricardo says with a smile.

Tyrone wiggles his eyebrows. "Have a good night, y'all. Thanks for the food."

When we reach Ricardo's apartment he bites his lip and looks at me.

"I take it this means I've earned my end of the date kiss?"

I'm about to answer, but then he pulls out a dandelion and my heart skips a beat. "Want to make a wish?" he asks while feathering my cheek with it.

I can't help but smile as I utter my next words. "No, because when I'm with you I have everything I could ever want." My eyes blatantly rake up and down his body before I lean in and whisper, "And you've earned yourself a hell of a lot more than a kiss."

Lust flashes across his eyes before he visibly swallows. "That's not what tonight was about, Lou-Lou."

I use my key and open the door. "I know." That's what makes me want to do this even more.

After we put the leftovers away I lead him to the bedroom, feeling empowered and bold. "Get on the bed," I tell him.

Ricardo is always pleasuring me and for once I'd like to return the favor. But every time I bring it up, he always turns the tables and distracts me with his incredible mouth...or cock.

Part of me thinks it's because he's afraid of causing me flashbacks...the other part of me can't help but wonder if he's refusing as a way of punishing himself.

I know he doesn't really like it when people touch him.

I also know it's probably because his mother never showed him any kind of affection. She was too busy verbally abusing him due to her mental sickness.

My heart pulls at the thought but I force it out of my head. Ricardo doesn't need my pity. He needs my love and affection and that's exactly what I want to give him.

He reaches into the nightstand drawer for a condom but I halt him. "We can use that later, right now I just want to please you."

He leans against the headboard with a pained expression on his face. "Don't take this the wrong way but I don't want that. I'd much rather take care of you." He gives me that sexy smirk of his and I feel my knees go weak. "I love getting you off."

"That's because you don't ever let me get you off."

His jaw ticks and I know I hit a nerve. I reach for the zipper of my dress and slip out of it until I'm standing in front of him in my bra and panties. "Do you have any idea how much I love you?"

His heated stare scrapes over my body before his gaze moves up to my face. "I know you love me, but I don't need you to do this."

I crawl across the bed until I reach him. "I know you don't. I want to do this."

He closes his eyes so I lean over his ear and whisper, "I'll go slow, I promise."

His eyes pop open and he glares at me. "That's not the problem."

"Are you afraid that I won't stop if you tell me to?"

"No," he answers curtly.

"Then what are you so afraid of? What's the problem?"

His hands clench at his sides before he mutters, "My problem is that you won't be getting any pleasure out of doing this. You'll just be performing, serving me like I'm some kind of selfish bastard. I just—I don't ever want you to feel like I'm forcing you to do something sexual. I don't want you to ever put me in the same category as men who do those things." His voice becomes gritty and his adam's apple bobs before he says, "And I really don't want to be the cause of drudging up any of that horrific shit from your past."

I almost want to laugh because never in a million years would I put Ricardo in that category, but the look on his face tells me he's dead serious about this.

"Believe me, I'll get plenty of pleasure out of doing this," I say. I look him right in the eyes. "And you're the only person I think about now. I'm safe with you."

He still looks hesitant and that's when it occurs to me. "You've never let any women take care of you, have you?" He appears embarrassed and looks down but I stroke his cheek and force him to look at me. "I'm not judging, Ricky. I just want you to talk to me."

"No...not really," he says after what feels like hours have passed. His head falls against the headboard. "My first experience was with a prostitute. When we got in the room the first thing she did was drop to her knees all while telling me I reminded her of my father—I think she thought I'd take it as a compliment and enjoy hearing that I was strong and powerful like him...but it was the opposite. It made me sick to my stomach."

He sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Anyway, it really fucked me up and I couldn't perform after that. I was going to leave, but she asked me to stay. She promised she wouldn't tell DeLuca about what happened between us. She said she would lie to him and tell him exactly what he wanted to hear. Then she told me she would do anything I wanted. That's when I asked her to give me a few lessons on what women liked. Not the stuff they think men want to hear, but the stuff they actually liked. I didn't want to feel like a monster—I didn't want to feel like him. I wanted to be able to give women pleasure instead of pain." He lifts a shoulder in a shrug. "She gave me a few lessons and it was only then that I was able to get it up again and have sex for the first time."

I throw my arms around his waist and hug him tight. "You've never allowed anyone to get you off other than intercourse, have you?"

I can hear his heart racing against my ear before he growls, "No, I haven't. Jesus, I sound like a fucking sissy. I mean, what men go around refusing handjobs and blowjobs? I just didn't want to be—"

"I know," I say while lifting my head to look at him. "And you're not."

I lift the hem of his shirt and he raises his arms for me. "Trust me, baby. I know those monsters very well...and you're not like any of those men, Ricardo."

His hand lands on top of mine when I reach for his belt buckle. "I need you to know that the second you feel uncomfortable or have a flash—"

I put my finger to his lips. "I trust you. I know you won't hurt me."

"I won't," he says. "I might like to take control but I would never take the control from you—if that makes any sense."