Blame it on the shame Part 2

Chapter 4 (Ricardo)

 

Alyssa hasn't shown up at the club since that night and according to Jackson he hasn't seen her since he took her to lunch the day after.

Which was a little over two weeks ago.

Even though he won't say it, I can tell Jackson's upset about her blowing him off—but I'm glad.

It's not that I don't want the best for the girl, I just can't be the person to help her out.

Any ties to me will put her in danger and if she ever found out who I was, I'm sure she'd refuse my help anyway...right before she put a bullet through my head.

Lou-Lou's right, the guilt is eating me alive...especially after finding out about how awful her life turned out to be.

I had no idea about her leaked sex tape. Emilio was right, watching internet porn was never my thing.

And even if it was? I most likely wouldn't have recognized her anyway because she's no longer a 10-year-old girl.

Hell, it was only when I saw her eyes up close and in person that I had any inkling it was her.

I didn't watch the video because not only do I not have any desire to, but it would be wrong on so many levels. However, I did read some of the comments that were posted.

Including the one where some shithead said she should kill herself.

To say I was pissed would be an understatement.

I know I can't fix her life, but I can try and make things a little easier for her.

That's why this week, I wired money from an offshore account and hired a few private hackers to keep deleting any and all video's that might resurface.

That video will never see the light of day again, I'll make sure of it.

And if by some fucked up chance it does? I know it will be directly tied to DeLuca.

I've recently been probing Lou-Lou a little, trying to find out if she knows about Alyssa's video without outright telling her about it.

She claimed she doesn't know anything about Alyssa...then she asked why I kept bringing her up when she was long gone.

Yet again, Emilio's words echoed in my head.

I trust Lou-Lou...but I don't want to talk about or deal with the feelings Alyssa's appearance has resurfaced in me.

It's bad enough my nightmares started haunting me every night again.

I have every intention of telling Lou-Lou who she is, I just want to wait a little longer before I do it.

I want to try and get my nightmares in check and process it myself before telling her the truth.

I also don't want her to lose faith in my ability to figure out what to do about DeLuca because she thinks I'm too preoccupied about Alyssa.

She might not say it, but every day that goes by...I feel like I lose her a little bit more.

And if I'm being honest with myself? I'm scared I'm going to lose her for good.

She's so stressed, her stomach problems have gotten even worse.

I don't know how I'm going to find a solution—I don't know how I'm going to protect her and protect everyone else, too.

The only possible solution I've come up with is handing her a bunch of cash and sending her into hiding halfway across the world...but DeLuca would find her.

Then he'd kill her for ru

I watch as she walks out of the bathroom clutching her stomach, looking absolutely miserable.

My heart's in my throat because if I don't think of something quick, DeLuca will be the least of our worries, the stress of the situation will end up killing her first.

She walks over to the bed and I pull her in my arms. "I love you. Don't give up, Lou-Lou."

"I'm not, Ricky. I love you, too."

She curls up in a ball and pulls the blanket over her. It dawns on me that even though I don't have a solution for getting rid of DeLuca right now...it doesn't mean that I can't do something to make her happy.

Something she deserves.

I brush my lips over her cheek and run my hand across the small of her back. "Have any plans later, beautiful?"

She tilts her head to look at me. "No, why?"

"Will you go on a date with me?"

She scrunches her face. "We can't go on dates, remember? It might get back to DeLuca."

Not if I cover all my tracks it won't.

"I'll take care of everything," I say. "He won't find out about it. So, I'll ask you again—will you go on a date with me?"

She purses her lips. "Going on a date will be too risky."

Not quite the answer I was hoping for. "It won't be if you trust me to handle it."

When she still looks unconvinced, I give her a smile and say. "Look, I know Tyrone set the bar impossibly high for your first date and I'll never be able to live up to that standard—but I'd really like to give it a shot."

Her face lights up and she starts giggling. The sound makes my heart fucking soar. "Okay, you're on, Ricky," she agrees with a sly smile. "I'll go on a date with you."

She folds her arms around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Doing this."

"You never have to thank me for wanting to make you happy. I love you and when you're happy I'm happy. We're a team, remember?"

She gives me a small nod. "So, where will this date be taking place? What should I wear? What time should I be ready?"

"We'll be going to a restaurant," I inform her. "And if it were up to me you'd be wearing nothing...but since we'll be out in public you should wear that sexy red dress you used to make me jealous—but be forewarned that I'll be kicking the shit out of anyone who looks at you the wrong way."

"You're never go

I rub my nose against hers. "Never, because I'm never letting you go."

She looks like she wants to say something but looks down instead.

"Say it," I prompt her. "Come on, give me a truth."

She takes a breath. "Truth—I hope you never let me go. Because when I'm with you, it's the only time I don't wish for freedom." Her eyes become glassy. "You make me really happy. Happier than I ever thought I could be. And even when we're fighting...it's still the best moment of my life because I'm with you."

I suck in a breath because she has no idea what hearing that does to me. "You make me really happy, too—even when we're fighting."

I kiss her forehead. "Truth? I'd rather go through the trenches with you...than go through paradise with anyone else."

I look down to find her mouth parted slightly and her eyes closed.

I kiss her neck and hold her tight. "I guess I'll make it a late di

 

Her eyes dart around the restaurant wildly. "How in the world did you manage to close down a restaurant for an entire night?"

I give her a mischievous grin. "I have my ways."

My ways consisted of calling in a favor to Emilio and shelling out a shit-load of cash.

And I'd do it again in a heartbeat just to see those big brown eyes sparkle and her face light up just like it is now.

I laugh out loud when she eagerly takes another bite of her food. "So good," she says before closing her eyes and taking another bite.

"I take it no stomach issues tonight?"

She shakes her head and smiles. "Not at all. Heck, I had to talk myself out of ordering another entrée because I didn't want to seem rude or ungrateful."