Blame it on the shame Part 2

She sniffs and swallows hard. "You can't, Ricky. You know that as well as I do." I open my mouth but she cuts me off. "It's not about me not trusting you...I do. It's about there being no way out of this."

Her eyes become glassy but she bats away her impending tears. "I'm in love with you. But that love is on borrowed time." She closes her eyes and my heart sinks. "Sometimes, I wish I never met you because when I'm forced to finally leave you...I'm pretty sure it will be the thing to break me."

I pull her closer but she backs away. "I told you, you're not leaving me. I'll figure something out."

"There's no point. Just give up."

"Never. I'm never giving you up, Lou-Lou. Especially to him."

And I mean it...I don't know what I'm going to do but she's not going back to him.

She reaches up and touches my cheek. "You won't have a choice. Maybe it's just best we end this now before it hurts too much."

I kiss her wrist and take a step closer. "The thought of losing you already hurts too much," I tell her honestly.

Her lower lip trembles. "I know."

I cup her face in my hands. "I love you. You drive me fucking crazy and you challenge me every goddamned day, but I love you. You're it for me. I'll never want anyone else. Don't give up on us, baby. We're not down for the count yet."

I skim her cheek and lean in and whisper. "Because we'll never be. The universe wouldn't bring us together just to rip us apart. And god knows, I don't believe in many things and my faith in the world is pretty much shot to shit...but I believe in us and I know we'll find a way through this. But I need you to stay with me, Lou-Lou. I know it's hard, but stay with me and fight for us because I'll never stop fighting for you."

Her cheek lands on my chest and she draws in a shaky breath. "I'll never stop fighting for you, either."

I kiss her forehead and wrap her in my arms. "Good. Now come back upstairs so I can rip that sexy dress you used to make me jealous off of you and worship every fucking part of your perfect body."

She blushes and I don't waste another second to kiss her.

She kisses me back with just as much conviction.

And just like that...my world is perfect again.

We'll get through this...we can get through anything together.

 

 

A pair of hazel eyes tear me from my sleep and cause me to wake up in a pool of sweat.

Guilt settles in my chest and it takes everything in me not to scream.

I failed her. I failed that little girl. And her father, a good man; is dead because of me.

Because I couldn't stop it.

Because I'm a fucking coward.

Beside me, Lou-Lou stirs and drapes an arm over me. She squeezes me tight and kisses my chest. "You're okay, Ricky. It was just a bad dream."

"No, it wasn't."

Her forehead creases and she looks up at me. "Was it the little girl again?"

I give her a small nod because that's all I can do.

She sits up in bed and reaches for my hands. "You want to know what I think?"

She waits for me to nod again before she continues. "I think you need to let go of this guilt, it's eating you alive. I guarantee if that little girl was here right now—she'd forgive you. She'd know it wasn't your fault because it wasn't. And she'd see you for the amazing man you are."

She runs a hand over my hair. "And I think your mother—"

"Don't, Lou-Lou," I warn, my tone dropping to a dangerous level that has her looking startled. "Don't go there."

"Okay," she relents. "I'll drop it."

My phone rings and I grab it and walk out to the balcony.

"What's up, Emilio?"

"I found out who the girl is," he says.

I take a deep breath...one that leaves my lungs with a curse when he says. "It's her. Alyssa Ta

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, kid. I'm sure. I looked at the tape and did a background check...twice. I take it you don't watch a lot of internet porn but there's a sex tape starring her that got leaked a couple of years ago and went viral."

"That—that really sucks," I say because I honestly don't know what the fuck else to say.

"Yeah," he says. "And if you ask me, I'd say there's more to the story."

"How so?"

"Well, it's awfully strange that her sex tape just happened to leak while her stepfather, John Travine was ru

I can hear him lighting a cigarette in the background. "And here's the clincher."

Dread fills my chest. What else could have happened to this poor girl? "What?"

"Both Travine and Mayor Gaffney are on DeLuca's payroll. Therefore, DeLuca definitely had something to do with that sex tape," he says.

I slam my fist into the railing. "That means—"

"That he knew damn well who she was when she walked into his club." He sighs. "Seeing as he's still in Italy, I'm not privy to his reasoning for lying to you about not knowing who she is...but if I had to guess, I'd say it was just another one of his tests for you." He pauses. "The odd thing is, DeLuca wasn't the one who hired her. That's why he was so pissed and thought you did. He thought you were going behind his back. Now, I can't prove it but I'm almost positive that Luke was the one who hired her. I spotted him talking to some guy in a gray suit one night when he was leaving the club."

"Guy in a gray suit?" I question.

"Yeah. My guess would be an FBI agent. And not just any FBI agent, either. Special Agent Ford Baker."

I grind my jaw and grip the railing. "Motherfucker."

"Yup," he says. "Apparently he's kept in very close contact with his deceased partner's daughter throughout the years."

"That's some sick shit."

"Tell me about it...but we have more pressing issues."

"Such as?"

"Ford's still on DeLuca's payroll but between you and me? I think Ford has flip-flopped again and is using her to pin shit on DeLuca and if that's the case—"

"He'll kill her," I finish for him.

And if she's involved with Jackson he'll kill him, too.

"Yup. Bottom line, she needs to stay far away from the club. Now, I'm going to try my best to throw DeLuca off the scent about Luke meeting up with Ford. This way, he'll just chalk it up to a coincidence and won't trace her showing up at the club back to Ford and kill her for being a plant. Unfortunately, it will help cover for Ford and Luke..but in this case, I think the end justifies the means."

"Yeah, it does. Thanks," I say. "I'm going to keep Jackson away from her as well. Seeing as they only just met, it shouldn't be much of an issue."

"Sounds good—" He hesitates which immediately puts me on guard. "What's wrong?"

"You know I'd do anything in the world for you, kid."

Emilio doesn't usually get mushy, so whatever he's about to say is going to be important.

Quite frankly anything coming from this man's mouth is important. Not only has he known me since I was a kid, but he's the only one of my father's men who have gone behind his back and helped me out.

"I know, Emilio. I might not say it much but I'm grateful for all that you do. It really means a lot."