Blame it on the shame Part 1

Chapter 20 (Ricardo)

 

“Please, just open the door, Lou-Lou,” I plead for what must be the hundredth time in the last hour.

“Leave me alone!” she screams. “Go knock on Scarlet's door, prick.”

I watch as Tyrone and Jackson walk out of their apartment, they both shoot me a look of sympathy before heading out to the bar.

Normally, I would go with them, but there's no way in hell I'm going out while she's feeling like I betrayed her.

It only took 3 days of avoiding one another and a single visit from DeLuca to destroy what wasn't even built between us.

I mistakenly thought she had more trust in me than she did.

I thought she knew I was purposely being mean to her the other day in the hallway.

And while I didn't expect her to know that I set her up to get into a fight with Scarlet in order to get rid of her jewelry....I thought she would know that I was only trying to throw DeLuca off the scent when I took Scarlet's side in the office.

Turns out Momma was right about Scarlet after all. Not that I didn't have that figured out already.

However, a personal check from me and a promise of a few million dollars worth of jewelry that she could hock in for cash were all it took to make her a distant memory.

I didn't expect for Lou-Lou to get so carried away and kick her ass the way she did.

But then again, I really have no idea what the hell Scarlet said to provoke her.

The only thing I told her to do was pretend to be talking on the phone about wanting to be DeLuca's new girl and mention that she wanted to use him for his money.

“Please, Lou-Lou,” I scream while banging on the door again.

Finally, I hear the door click. I take a step forward but she stops me.

That's when I notice that her eyes are red and puffy...both of them.

She looks absolutely devastated and it breaks my heart.

“I want you to leave me alone,” she says.

I try and reach for her hand but she pulls it back. “I mean it, Ricardo. I can't—I don't trust you anymore.”

“It was all an act, Lou-Lou,” I say. “How can you not see that? I was only doing it to protect—”

“I don't care and it doesn't matter.” She draws in a shaky breath. “What exactly do you think can ever happen between us anyway?”

I open my mouth to answer that I'm not sure but I'll pretty much take anything she has to offer but she lifts her chin and glares daggers at me. “I belong to your father and I love him.”

“You don't mean that,” I argue.

She curls her arms around herself. “I do. At least he always has my back and I know exactly what to expect from him. Bottom line—me and you have no future together.” Her voice cracks. “We never did.”

She goes to close the door but I block it with my foot. “I know you're upset. I know you hate me right now and I know our future together is pretty much fucked...but there's still a few hours left of your birthday and something tells me you haven't had a lot of good ones. And I really want to —”

A tear trickles down her cheek. “No. I'm not hanging out with you.”

I open my mouth to argue again but she cuts me off. “If you want to make the last few hours of my birthday enjoyable then do what I asked and leave me alone.”

I remove my foot and she slams the door in my face.

 

I'm a few steps down the hallway when I realize that I left my heart on the other side of the door with her.

 

“Come on, motherfucker,” I sneer before unleashing another punch.

His head bobs back and forth and I strike him again.

When that's not enough I slam his head against the concrete wall and hear a crunching sound.

And when that's not enough I kick him in the groin and he falls to the floor.

I pick him up by his hair and bash him against the wall again. “Get back up and fight me.”

“He can't,” Emilio says from the back of the warehouse. “I think you killed him.”

“What?”

I look down and sure enough, the bastard's pupils are fixed and dilated. The pool of blood surrounding him growing bigger and stretching out over the concrete floor.

I feel for the fuckers pulse and there isn't one.

“Shit,” Emilio mutters. “What do you want me to do?”

The fact that I just killed someone should be causing me greater distress.

But knowing there's one less rapist in the world causes the opposite effect.

I've never gotten carried away to the point of murdering them before, but I have to say...I really don't regret it one bit.

I wasn't a coward and I took care of this piece of shit.

I look up to the ceiling and hope my mother's looking down on me.

See, Ma? I killed him for you. I did something good. I'm not him.

I pull off my gloves and shrug. “Call a cleanup crew. Get it taken care of.”

Emilio gives me a strange look before replying, “Okay. I'm on it.”

I turn toward the door. “I gotta go.”

“Wait,” he calls out. “Is this go

He wipes the sweat off his forehead. “However, this is the first time you killed someone and you didn't even bat a goddamned eye.”

He’s wrong.

“He's a rapist,” I argue. “He didn't care about how his victim felt...why the fuck should I care about him?”

“That's not what I'm saying, kid,” he says. “It's not about him...it's about you.”

I try not to roll my eyes at his use of the term kid and throw a fresh t-shirt over my head.

I glance at my watch and curse. There's only a little over an hour left of Lou-Lou's birthday and I have to find a way to make this right.

“I'm fine.”

“That's what I'm worried about,” Emilio says right before I leave.

I sprint up the steps and head straight to her apartment.

I bang on the door but I pause because I hear her crying.

The sound completely guts me.

I slide down the door and press my forehead against it. “I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant to do that. I was only trying...I was just trying to make everything work.”

Her crying doesn't let up and I know I have to try harder. “I know you think you can't trust me but I swear, you can. Now, open the door so I can see you. I need to see you. I don't—I don't want to lose you, Lou-Lou. Just let me in.”

She doesn't say a word.

I stand up and hit the door in defeat but then I hear the doorknob turn.

We stare at one another for a moment before I open my arms just in time to catch her.

She wraps her legs around my waist and I hold her tighter than I've ever held anything in my life.

She cries even harder and I don't know what else I can do to make this right but I swear to god, I'll go to the ends of the earth and back just to ensure she never cries like this again.

“You want a truth?” she whispers. When I nod my head she says, “I felt like I lost my best friend.”

I bury my face in her neck and inhale her. “Well, here's a truth for you. You didn't lose me, babe. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere.”